Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"Let's get this over with, I tee off in an hour. I'd didn't wash up... yes, I did, I took a shower."

I thought it was, "Yesterday I took a shower?" Either way, A+.

"No, I did NOT say play through!"

"sir, we're operating on ms. ryder"

"Dr. Livingston, I presume."

"Golf, amirite?"

"GOLF, MUTHAFUKKAZ!!"

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/07/08/g290/130708_contest_g290.jpg

• "Wow, the Moscow airport—what a wacky idea for a first date!"
• "I need someone without baggage."
• "You have really kind eyeholes."

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/07/29/p465/130729_contest_p465.jpg

"Well, I'm supposed to be your dinner, but as you have no mouth, howabout I sing you "Don't Worry, Be Happy", would you like that?"

"So the Job Centre told me to apply for this job at a raw pescatarian restaurant and here I am. But on the bright side, now I'm a contributing member of society and no longer a drain on the welfare state."

"Put your hands where I can see 'em, pervert"

lol mark

'Well that certainly wiped the smile off your face'

"This is the worst date I've ever been on."

'Who the fuck orders fish on a pizza?'

"Murderer!"

"I hope you like mercury!"

"oh go on then, ask him to bring another fork!"

I suppose you're wondering why i asked you here...

"It is related, O auspicious King, that there was a merchant of the merchants who had much wealth, and business in various cities."

Water..........wwwwaaattteerrrrrrr

"If you're wondering why I'm talking, it's because the waiter hates you and spiked your drink with LSD."

"I'm not that kind of girl, Mr Brasi."

"Of course I'm alive! This is New York City, not Fishkill."

"Dave?"

"NOW will you marry me?"

"I don't like it here."

"I know a good deal more about you than you suspect. I know, for instance, that you're in love with a woman. It is perhaps a strange circumstance that we both should be in love with the same woman. The first evening I came to this cafe, I knew there was something between you and Ilsa. Since no one is to blame, I demand no explanation. I ask only one thing: you won't give me the letters of transit - all right - but I want my wife to be safe. I ask you, as a favor, to use the letters to take her away from Casablanca."

It's freezing here under the fan, I should have brought my breadcrumbs

'Stunning food at this crummy joint? No such luck my friend'

"I can't believe we're both Pisces."

"Brr, could you please inform the waiter that I'm cold?"

"And now, the end is here
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and ev'ry highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way,
"Oh, no, oh, no, not me, I did it my way"

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows and did it my way!"

Fish hands on misery to fish
it deepends like a coastal shelf
get gutted and served as a dish
and don't have any spawn yourself

"What's your favourite Marillion album?"

"You look different to your profile picture. You're a fish."

"well this is awkward"

"May I have a sip of your water, please?"

"there are plenty of other fish in the sea. "

was trying to find a way of using that for a long time this morning.

"Pass the me, please"

"So strictly speaking I'm really not a vegetarian option."

"You feel like a fish out of water? Fuck you, asshole."

"there is something fishy about this but i won't carp on, cod knows this isn't the time or the plaice and you've likely haddock up to here with my bullshark. eel see myself trout"

"I shit in your dinner."

"You misheard; it wasn't a Groupon deal, it was a grouper deal."

"Holy crap, your name's John Dory too?"

"there is something fishy about this but i won't carp on, cod knows this isn't the time or the plaice and you've likely haddock up to here with my bullshark. eel see myself trout"

http://i.imgur.com/raLIi9t.jpg

"me? straight into the food industry right outta school"