Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"no golf shoes in the theatre ffs"

This was all fields when I were a lad

"apologies for my lateness. I was........stuck in traffic?"

"is this where i get handicapped?"

"yes i'm tyler goode"

"Please remember to repair any divots before you leave the course."

no, ophthalmology is on the ground floor

"Fore-ceps!"

"this is not what i was expecting but i guess it is pretty crazy"

"she says she wants to go back to thailand"

"a good operation spoiled"

"When I was told by the secretary that this golf club was a hip operation, this isn't what I had in mind."

"well don't just stand there! give me the driver!"

Surgeon: "How did you get in here?"
Golfer: "I used a pitching wedge."

Thailand one has pitched right over my head tbh

i assumed it was just a ref to old man golfer having a thai bride?

I may be out of bounds here but are you sure this operation is totally necessary?

I'll be honest lads I'm in holiday mode already

have a nice time

No that was an entry

Yeah, you can have your ball back, but that's a one stroke penalty, and i hope you remember to call "fore!" next time.

or some shorter/better combination of

"Bugger Off!"

"Lol."

"Alright, the chest is open, you may putt in the donor heart."

"Let's get this over with, I tee off in an hour. I'd didn't wash up... yes, I did, I took a shower."

I thought it was, "Yesterday I took a shower?" Either way, A+.

"No, I did NOT say play through!"

"sir, we're operating on ms. ryder"

"Dr. Livingston, I presume."

"Golf, amirite?"

"GOLF, MUTHAFUKKAZ!!"

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/07/08/g290/130708_contest_g290.jpg

• "Wow, the Moscow airport—what a wacky idea for a first date!"
• "I need someone without baggage."
• "You have really kind eyeholes."

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/07/29/p465/130729_contest_p465.jpg

"Well, I'm supposed to be your dinner, but as you have no mouth, howabout I sing you "Don't Worry, Be Happy", would you like that?"

"So the Job Centre told me to apply for this job at a raw pescatarian restaurant and here I am. But on the bright side, now I'm a contributing member of society and no longer a drain on the welfare state."

"Put your hands where I can see 'em, pervert"

lol mark

'Well that certainly wiped the smile off your face'

"This is the worst date I've ever been on."

'Who the fuck orders fish on a pizza?'

"Murderer!"

"I hope you like mercury!"

"oh go on then, ask him to bring another fork!"

I suppose you're wondering why i asked you here...

"It is related, O auspicious King, that there was a merchant of the merchants who had much wealth, and business in various cities."

Water..........wwwwaaattteerrrrrrr

"If you're wondering why I'm talking, it's because the waiter hates you and spiked your drink with LSD."

"I'm not that kind of girl, Mr Brasi."

"Of course I'm alive! This is New York City, not Fishkill."