body positivity!!

^ or so i'm told

I try to remind myself that things are not going to get any better, so I could spend this time feeling bad about what I used to look like or I could whoop it up (whatever I've still got) while I still have it. Trying to stop aging or "reduce" it will not stop the passage of time. I understand that there is a huge cosmetics industry devoted to anti-aging creams, but something tells me that it's snake oil and the only way out is to enjoy what I can of the good years. Because someday we're all going to look old because we will all be old.

i come across a bunch of people on OKCupid who are apparently younger than me and look older than me

we're going to have to figure out how to still feel good about ourselves when physical beauty is off the table
might as well start now so i'm set with a full tank of self-esteem when i'm 60

i think on the whole people of our generation look more "youthful" than people of my mom and dad's generation. i also think most of us adjust our notions of beauty as we get older - i can't imagine being repulsed by everybody my own age, that would be effed up. and age is really this factor that you only recognize in yrself, by remembering yrself - as far as looks go it's really only a small factor in the mix of what makes somebody attractive

i'm talking about the way we feel about ourselves, not our desirability to others necessarily
being attractive to others isn't really what this thread is about, is it? it's about how we feel about ourselves?

maybe i'm confused

no you're right but i was thinking about how we appraise ourselves and it's tied into the way we appraise others isn't it? i feel like it is for me, or like i'm not thinking "do i like the way i look?" but "will other people like the way i look?"

see, that's where we're different

i think if other people weren't in the equation i wd be 100 percent contented with me on the surface, just the aches and pains i can do without

what you say is interesting to me, and maybe it's a gendered experience? do women learn to appraise themselves differently to men on the whole do you think?

i can't control what other people think, i can only control what i think (and just barely). i focus on feeling comfortable for me; if people like to/can't bear to look at me that's not really my problem. one time one of my students told me, "if my husband saw me wearing your outfit, he would tell me i looked ridiculous" and i was like "would you have any interest in wearing this outfit?" and she said no, and i was like well ok then. no problem.

i have forced myself to appraise myself this way because i would never measure up otherwise. it's a learned skill, imo!

yeah, maybe trying to second guess other people is one of my secret little headfucks

I was all prepared for her to be like "I wish I could wear that kind of outfit too."

Well that's interesting, I just came here to say I think I maintain body positivity to some extent by just making a mental break from allowing myself to care if it's attractive to others. I can love it, because I live in it and it does things for me, and that makes me love its capabilities, but expecting other ppl to love it is too impossible to imagine. In a fatalistic but kind of cheerful way!

It's not the end of the world, if I don't care how I look to others I get to keep wearing the ugliest, most horrible house-clothes and they're so comfortable.

my round the house clothes are all hilariously grotty

tbf i wd live in a dressing gown and shorts if i was allowed

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOnZ3YtA1Q0

basically Eazy is my inspiration

someday we're all going to look old because we will all be old. we're going to have to figure out how to still feel good about ourselves when physical beauty is off the table
might as well start now so i'm set with a full tank of self-esteem when i'm 60

You're so right that this is, like, echoing in my head.

xp I have tshirts I used to line-cook in when I was 16. They look like it.

it's sustainable energy at the most personal level

Good article on selfies xp. It can't be overstated how stupid and short sighted it is to complain about "narcissism of the youth" instead of the hegemonic systems that produce these insecure subjects

aging and physical appearance are such a weird thing to address, because while there's the actual physical process of aging that some people view as a negative, there's also the fact that many people feel more comfortable in their own skin as they age and that confidence can change perceptions

I know in the last five or so years I've definitely physically aged, partially due to a lot of stressors I had in my life and a bit of hard living. But I've also become much more comfortable with who I am and my appearance. So last week I was flattered when I got id'ed to buy beer, but then I was also flattered when someone at a bar (where I feel comfortable hanging out and talking to strangers) guessed my age within a year -- one year older, actually!

I think that was the biggest lie that was implied when I was a kid -- that you make it through puberty, and become an adult, and then as an adult you're supposed to stay relatively the same physically until you "get old" and any other changes are because you did something negative (got fat), or did something positive (started some crazy fitness thing).

This is kind of all bullshit because everyone is constantly changing, not just due to age but their environment, and there's no inherent good/bad value judgment. They're just changes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMGRYWFD-2A

oh, you

i think everyone just needs to listen to zen arcade enough times and they will come out on the other side of the tunnel

(not really but it helps)

I'm on a slow climb out of negativeheadspace -- i'm nowhere near KIP but I've discovered that being fat and looking good is as simple as a) wearing stuff that makes me happy and/or b)smiling because I'm happy

like the difference in the 2 photos homoII posted for me comes down to the look on her face - the first she just looks sad (and the first thing I said to myself was oh damn I know that face) and in the second, she looks unfuckwithable because she's fucking BEAMING.

for me I'm just trying to learn not to mentally retreat when I'm out in the world, but be present and enjoy just being me out in the world.

so, that.

be present and enjoy just being me out in the world.

<3 <3 <3 <3

hello thread, ilu and glad that you exist, each of you a body

i would like to be more positive about my body

honestly i would like to learn how to be more consciously integrated ~into~ my body, become comfortable with actually just ~being~ a body, instead of having this concept of my body as a mind-vehicle

cartesian dualism is stupid and dumb

!!!! I have almost posted something similar about six times already!

I feel more like I am just a body, sometimes. With its flaws, which I seem to obsess over one at a time in a neurotic fashion. Maybe quirks is a better word.

the purpose of my brain is to obsessively fixate on how my glasses are out of place and attempt to adjust them every 20 seconds for three hours, or to sit up a little too rigidly because I've decided my posture is bad

one of the things that makes dualism happen is when there is a "you" that wants to do something and "your" body is complaining/refusing/being a dick about it

Brains have multitudes of quirks and flaws, too. They just don't show up in photographs, so you have to look harder to see them. xp

!mind positivity~

yeah i mean, for me it's hard to be aware of my body & how it ~feels~ in the moment without engaging in some sort of critical self-talk about it, i'm sure other people have mentioned this itt but i haven't had a chance to read it through

i've been trying to engage in some mindfulness meditation and that has been somewhat helpful in being able to identify and disengage from those types of thoughts as they happen but it's certainly a struggle

I was at the beach feeling p good about my nice, functional body and its pleasing lines (from what I could see) and how good it felt, and then later I saw a photo and was unpleasantly surprised--it didn't feel like I was a sea lion wearing an innertube around its midsection. Still, at least I got to have the day all to myself to feel good.

I guess it's a just a series of those moments, allowing yourself to forget to think about it, and then being reminded later, but already having had the positive experience. Maybe one key element is not stopping yourself from having the next one.

i was at a bbq on sunday and this gay was talking about how he likes to go to provincetown during Bear Week because "it makes him feel skinny" and i legit wanted to slap his face

Would you say you positively wanted to slap his face?

maybe he meant it in an erotic way, like he feels tiny with a few bears sitting on him

guess I should own up to being the guy behind the "healthy hot fatties" quote mentioned at the top of this thread. It was horribly worded, I was drunk a the time and trying v hard to be privilege acknowledging guy, my point that I was trying to make was that obv it's bullshit to be judging ppl on perceived "healthiness" and "fuckability" but that sizeism is clearly unfair EVEN ON THOSE TERMS. It was a dumb thing to say tho cause complaining about "unfairness" posits a "fair" way to shame ppl for their bodies.

I was also feeling maudlin and wanted an excuse to whinge about my own feelings about my body (which don't belong on this thread) and I'm sorry if I upset anybody.

You aces, wins.

By which I meant "You're aces."