body positivity!!

xpost, different types of weather

re: your heart disease comments, Aimless - just one scholarly article about "the obesity paradox" - http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3538467/ (google for many more).

Basically, it is doctor's scratching their heads because they just know that being fat causes heart disease, but fat people have lower mortality rates from heart disease than thin people do.

Women of all ages, I should say. The one/s who have survived things, like the death of their children or their own breast cancer or any number of things, sure they're like "I keep that dress in case I can ever fit into it again" but it's not stopping them from being grateful to be alive, or from having younger boyfriends, or eating a doughnut, or anything else they want. I feel like this outlook had just never been modeled for me! It's great.

I do that "think a nice thing about women you see" exercise a lot. I think that was a suggestion from K@t3 H@rd1ng... It's fucking exhausting ... but really helpful when I find myself lapsing into a patterns of self-loathing or just general body snarking.

― carl agatha, Monday, July 8, 2013 12:46 PM (1 minute ago)

sounds like good advice, tbh. there was some related discussion in the previous thread, and i've been thinking about it since, the idea that one might learn self-acceptance by consciously working to accept others. worth a shot, though i haven't yet had much opportunity to try it out (most everyone i work with and live near is a good deal thinner and more active than I).

anyway, i'm a bit saddened by some of the turns the discussion has taken today, but no complaints. i can't force people to engage w/ conversations they'd rather avoid, and dwelling on feelings of negativity and despair is never agl.

I just try to listen to what my body says it wants me to do. It's smarter about this stuff than my brain is. All I know is that it feels healthier now than it did before. My body was born skinny and it prefers that way to be. Maybe I'll still die of a heart attack. I feel ok atm and that's as well as I know how to gauge things. I'll die one way or another anyway.

I'm not a woman, so I have no clue just how women feel when they feel healthy. I do know the whole "am I attractive" rigmarole is tremendously messed up in this society and it's easier for a skinny man to get over it than for a zaftig woman.

yeah i remember around the time i was having a conversion experience to liking my body, the beach helped a lot.

That's part of the reason I've been wanting to go to the beach -- I feel like it will give me the energy I need to feel positive about myself and my body. Also it's an excuse to be outside & not feel like I have to cover up or be worried about whatever clothes I might be wearing otherwise. I'm not "fat" but my weight fluctuates a lot because of my illness; I haven't been able to find any clothes that I feel good in yet. I always feel sick and I feel like I look sick too. If I could get at least a day of sunlight without all the stress I'd feel so much better.

It's gonna take me a while to be able to say with 100% honesty that I like the person I see when I look in the mirror. That might sound dumb, idk. It's not even mostly the way I look that bothers me, it's also the way I think & act & feel. I know I'm not an ugly person but I have a lot of social anxiety baggage that's gonna take time to work through. (Sorry for being 25 itt.)

^ feeling this, though i'm a long way from even contemplating a trip to the beach

lol, what was i just saying?

I specif noticed multiple women with post-childbirth stomachs wearing bikinis yesterday, I found that very cheering.

Contendo, I usually do the "think a nice thing" on my way to and from work since I commute via public transit and see lots and lots of people that way. I don't know where you live but pretty much any place where there are lots of people (mall? I don't know) is good, especially if there are diverse bodies around you. If I were limited to doing that where I work now, I'd have similar problems. Also for me it works better when I think about strangers because then I don't overthink my mental compliments or like, skip someone because I'm annoyed at her for not responding quickly to the email I sent her last week or whatever.

I don't really identify with the thinking negative thoughts about others that you guys are talking about -- all of my negative feelings have been directed solely at myself. Mostly because I felt invisible. I still feel invisible, but now I embrace it and use it to my advantage.

A shallow but helpful exercise for me: instead of thinking about changing my body, I focus on my hair.

Or lipstick.

i feel like i'm meant to be fat. my parents and all my siblings are fat. i love eating. i love drinking beers. every time i have 2+ beers i put on a noticeable chunk. i have a belly pouch that never goes away.

i hate feeling fat tbh. i'm going to have to confront some other issues to be ok with my body as-is. if i did i think it could be very liberating, but i'm wishy-washy when it comes to actually letting go of... not wanting to be fat. i'll also be watching this thread with interest and appreciate hearing about other experiences and paths to greater acceptance, awareness, non-neurotic behavior, etc.

Anything focused on my corporeal self usually winds up making me feel bad if I already feel bad -- best to learn something new, read about other people, do something nice for someone else, whatever distracts me from my boring self. Right now I am learning to play the drums and it's really empowering, if we're talking about empowerment!! I'm using my body to make noise. That's awesome and I hope to continue to get better at it.

I'm totally meant to be fat.

If you want to feel comfortable in your own skin, go to the clothing optional swingers pool.

that does not sound very comfortable

I have been on a long path to body acceptance for the past four years or so. Mostly, I lived out my twenties trying to be as invisible as possible until I was small enough to be a worthwhile person (or so I thought). I am not sure when the shift happened, but it began in 2010 and it continues to be an area in which I am constantly exploring. I do know that I used to cringe whenever someone took a photo of me, and I looked fat in said photo. Now I have a different reaction. I think: yep, that's me. I'm fat. It's okay for fat people to look fat in photos.

that does not sound very comfortable

― crüt, Monday, July 8, 2013 10:11 PM (35 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It was way way more comfortable that I expected it to be!

I've felt awkward & frumpy at every weight (with intervals of feeling awesome). I was rather skinny throughout adolescence and young adulthood. I think I actually received more direct commentary on my body when I was thin than I do now that I'm fat. And yeah, it was always very patronizing & made me self-conscious. Now I kind of assume people are talking about my weight behind my back. I try not to sweat it, but there are times it makes me very uncomfortable. I feel like now that I'm heavier, I am hyper-aware of my body in a way I wasn't before. Not necessarily hateful, but just...always aware that other people see it and it's a thing.

http://i40.tinypic.com/mwxro5.png

This photo was taken in 2008, and I was appalled when I saw it. I don't look happy here, either. I remember being unhappy, too. I ate a lot, because I was miserable. The other women in this photo all went hot tubbing later that night, but I stood on the side lines, fully clothed, because I didn't even own a bathing suit. I never went out and socialized, and I never even tried dating.

http://i42.tinypic.com/t8lmw0.png

This photo was taken in Summer 2012, and even though I am visibly fat here, I had no negative reactions to when it appeared on Facebook. I was happy that night. In fact, that particular night I had an awesome weird sexual encounter with someone I met at the club. I had worn through those high heels from wearing them out so much.

I weighed pretty much the same in both photos, and literally the only difference is my feelings about my body (and with it came a much improved wardrobe).

Whenever I have seen photos of homoII my first thought is always 1) omg best outfit and/or 2) omg best hair and/or makeup. I have always admired your style and wished I had that knack! So it is a head-scratcher to me that you did not want to be photodocumented when you were looking so aweseome. Seriously, being able to put a great outfit together is so much more impressive than being thin imo.

is it wrong to think judging somebody for being a "bad dresser" is as bad as judging somebody for being fat?

There is a difference between judging someone as being a "bad dresser" and acknowledging when someone has a gift for great fashion skillz.

honestly I think everybody should be judged exactly the same all the time but that is probably because I am a loser and want people to treat me like I'm not a loser

sorry. I need to get off the positivity thread.

It's kinda wrong to judge ppl in general, no?

I am a loser in some ways and not in others, everyone else the same, KIP crut it is all good.

But judging negatively is not the same as appreciating something positively amirite? Like, I admire LL's cooking skillz, this is not the same as looking down my nose at someone without those skillz.

I can accept that.

I guess the point of my photos was to illustrate how prior to fat acceptance, I was not the best dresser (because I didn't believe my body really deserved to display awesome clothes? Or also because I was constantly making BIG PLANS to lose weight?), and I LOOKED and felt unhappy.

After FA, I felt better, looked better, and no longer dodged the camera.

I would be totally psyched to go to 7-11 with markers for some hot dogs, is what I am saying. At the same time I can be all "LL makes some awesome food, I aspire to that" kinda thing.

oops xposts

and also its made me a more tolerant, open person

:) xxp

i think clothes can be a reflection of how you feel about yourself in a way that body size doesn't. one of many ways!

I used to hide in huuuuuge droopy thrift store clothes so people wouldn't look at me and around 22 or so I started dressing a little better (more femininely at least) and now I wear whatever I want. I don't think this phenomenon is limited to larger people. It sure feels good to not hide anymore, that's for sure.

Lemme say sure again. Sure.

Sure!

flesh as a sign of a life enthusiastically lived

vs.

flesh as a sign of measurements made (or not made)

Xp yes, the clothes and new attitude make a world of difference. You look great! That is one thing I do have to say in favor of "what not to wear"--they always emphasize that now is the time to look good & to "blame the clothes, not your body" if you feel like you don't look good.

That said, I don't like the emphasis on dos & don'ts and the conformity they force on ppl. Sometimes the point of dressing isn't to flatter your figure.

I don't really like "What not to wear" because they use the same aesthetic for everyone. People are allowed to have their own sense of style! It's all very bland and generic. And yeah, according to the rules of flattering clothes, I should never wear horizontal stripes or anything without a fucking belt at "the smallest part of my waist"

great pics h2, thanks for sharing them. i swear i know the dude in photo 2.

anyway, yeah, attitude is everything (or, well, almost everything). when i'm happy, i'm p much okay w me, no matter who or how i be. when not, then not.

You might know him, He is a well-known man about town in NYC

Notable: http://www.clutchmagonline.com/2013/06/self-love-is-not-an-obligation-so-stop-preaching-it/

The problem, dear people who are fond of motivational sayings, is not that people don’t have the mental will to access some elusive well of self-love. Instead, the real problem is that you, your mother and your cousin, too, spend all day, every day affirming that some people have every reason to love the way they look (i.e. Rihanna) and that other people have no business doing the same (i.e. people who look more like Gabourey Sidibe, whose looks all of you happily dissed when Kanye West rapped, “my bitch make your bitch look like Precious.”)

A $60 billion weight loss industry and a $170 billion cosmetics industry—not to mention the influence of magazines, television shows, films and music—valiantly combine to ensure we all hate every dimple, pimple, roll, stretch mark, wrinkle and pore.

I call it victim-blaming. How dare you, fat, dark-skinned woman with nappy hair, not love yourself the way some thin, white woman with straight hair is apparently able to? It’s no matter that your image, when it’s ever spotted in media or referenced in music, is maligned and deemed pungent on its face. It’s no matter that every encounter with mainstream culture tells you that you’re wrong and different. You are just not trying hard enough to accept yourself, damnit!

Also homo, I love your glasses in the first pic.

love this thread, learning to love my beer wobble

In my mid 20s I was skinny as a rake with no tits and I hid under loose tshirts and baggy pants (lol 90s) and I now regret that massively because I was always cute and just didnt KNOW it back then. TBH I also didnt care, but I always felt very plain, dumpy and invisible.

Now I have boobs and arse but it comes with the acceptance of sagging and age but I think I'm ok with it. My issue is less with weight (tho I'd be happy with my size if I had BOOBS which I just dont) than it is with frumpiness tbh. And now, with age. Watching one's face slowly gravitate downwards is alarming.

This isn't specifically on-topic but I've read this thing 3 times and I keep marveling at it.

The Young-Girl and the Selfie

The Young-Girl is the model citizen of contemporary society not because we worship her, but because by expending her energy on the cultivation of her body, her potential as a revolutionary subject is neutralized. If young girls are the hated bodies of capital (along with immigrant bodies, racialized bodies, LGBT bodies, etc) then they must also be predictable bodies; that is why we spend inordinate amount of money on emphasizing the important of beauty, the importance of fashion, the importance of youthfulness and desirability and individuality. If the best way of making your womanhood legible is to adorn your body in a particular way — whether femme or punk rock or teeny bopper or whatever — then there is an injunction to perform that work. Women who do not do that work, particularly teenage girls who ‘opt out’ as it were, face social repercussions far more meaningful than some 40-year-old dude calling them narcissists. We elevate the work women do on their bodies to the utmost importance, and then punish the outcome of that labour. That is how hegemony works.

A) lol grads skool
B) Whoah

duckface as Most Radical Gesture

I know this is more a thread about body, but can it be about face too? Thats the bit of me I hate most and struggle to love as I age. I pull m skin back Brazil-style and wonder about plastic surgery... then slap myself :)

I have that problem too because of Crohn's. It's one of the reasons I've cut back on drinking :/

I totally understand. You're not alone! xp Or you either!

Me too because of crohns. I feel all u pain on this. With me it's not exactly bloating but more like these unbearable pockets of air that can only be wheedled out one at a time with great strain and stress.

The yoga bitch quote reminds me, how is Emilys these days? She used to post on depression thread and I don't think I've seen her on ilx in a while

So I'm still doing a lot of work on being body posi and it's been great though I still struggle as it's a journey. Anyway, my nutritionist showed me this today and it's pretty awesome.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H89QQfXtc-k

that's good

I was just thinking about this thread today!! I have had some disconcertingly positive experiences w/ my body lately and it is leaving me confused but also nice-feeling. Bodies are really quite wonderful things.

Stevie yr fb pic I last saw was idk topless dungarees or s/t and u looked great

ah thank you!! I appreciate that. I made it my profile pic on "the apps" and I have been getting nonstop attention and it is kind of alarming but also kind of cool.

I've spent today working through chapter 2 in "The Body Image Workbook". I determined to beat this voice in my head. I've lived enough of my life worrying about my appearance and what other people think of it. Too much. Yes, I'm totally faking it until I make it in terms of this stuff at this point but hopefully it'll help.

well just be glad yr not leg disabled I spose

I've lost a cpl pounds and am in better shape than I've been in a while lately, and still it's hard to be body posi because it's impossible not to notice how much better the world treats me when I am thinner (nb. never been 'thin') and losing/keeping weight off is so draining 😥. Hard to just not worry about it and say 'well, fuck having noticeably more opportunities open to me at all times'. And it's hard to blame society because I'm just as judgemental as anyone out there. Reading this thread helps sometimes tho. Good luck y'all.

Have consistently done an ab workout with one of my best friends for the last 16 days. For a while I really, really was struggling cos my core is weak but I'm starting to be able to ratchet up the intensity. I've dropped five pounds, but it's less about that and getting in shape and feeling better about myself.

It's helping with so many things and I've never had an accountability partner so I may actually see this out.

:)

That's great to hear. As I've heard someone say, it never gets easy, but it does get easier, and results come faster than you might expect.

i am fatter and hotter than ever