rolling thread for chronicling the misadventures of dwight howard, nba center

"It was just so ironic."

also, dwight, everyone u met in colorado is from texas because that is where texans vacation in the summers. right now it is 4 billion degrees in houston plus 72000% humidity, it feels like satan ripped an endless burp in your face #fuckhoustonbtw

― TALK TO THE HAND CUZ THE FACE DON'T WANNA HEAR IT (m bison), Saturday, July 6, 2013 10:03 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark

otm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wecRyKrNgc

i cant believe chandler was cheating on lin

“I think I had a big impact,” Parsons said at USA Basketball’s mini-camp. “The first thing he said at the press conference was that, ‘You guys should thank Chandler Parsons because he is a big reason why I am here.’

“Obviously, he loves the team, [general manager] Daryl Morey, coach [Kevin] McHale and all that. But I think I just gave him that comfort that you got one of your boys here who is also a key part to the team, a young guy. And we can grow on this for a long time.”

“I spent a lot of time during the summer in L.A.,” Parsons said. “We kind of just hit it off. We literally would text every day. He’d call me at 8 p.m. with a question and then he’d call me at midnight with the same question. I respect the way he handled [his free agency]. He took his time and weighed all his options.

“I was just that guy trying to make him feel as comfortable as possible. We have very similar personalities. We are both outgoing. We’re always smiling. We like to have fun. I made him really comfortable that he was not only coming to a really good team, but a team with his friends on it.”

is cheating!!!

He’d call me at 8 p.m. with a question and then he’d call me at midnight with the same question.

lol

chandler went on a twitter rant that he could not post on facebook that he is in an open polyamorous relationship and it totally makes sense now

http://www.slamonline.com/online/media/slam-tv/2013/11/dwight-howard-stops-by-sesame-street-video/

wow

sort of sad at declining dwight tbh http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/9997968/the-rockets-approach-nba-finals-worthy

man asik seems like a big baby, very unchill

he has some of the worst on court body language ever fwiw

def

kelvin sampson very candid about harden's defense

ugh lowe's little captions just write about basketball dude ahhhh

u r not funny!!!

Where are the captions

haha remember when writers were allowed to be not funny rip journalism

[http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2013/1118/beverley_patrick_1_g_mp_576.jpg

Ah

Haven't gotten that far yet

Does he still call Toronto the drakes. Is he still trying to create that meme

i'l have to keep an eye out for that Beverley butt screen...

i didnt watch a whole lot of howard before he left orlando (mostly i remember him getting owned by yao) but i think so far he's basically a slightly improved version of asik with better hands and an ability to finish (sometimes) around the rim.

Aw you're too kind

hahaha

"Ball (which does not lie)" like c'mon dude there isn't even anything resembling a joke here, cio.

OK just got to the captions. Wow k3v is right these are terrible

http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2013/1118/evans_reggie_3_g_mp_576.jpg

Smh zowe.

Not only are they not funny but they are so so ugly and badly formatted

http://deadspin.com/dwight-howard-got-owned-by-a-heckler-last-night-1468962035

"during a timeout in the second quarter Wednesday, Vince Carter interrupted Howard’s one-sided discussion with an official to loudly and repeatedly tell the Rockets center that he was “the biggest crybaby I know.”

“All the time,” Carter said of Howard’s whining to officials. “He always talks about how I’m a crybaby. I was like, ‘Yo, you’re the biggest crybaby I know.’ And then later, he’s like, ‘Yo, why’d you say that to me?’ But I know Dwight. It’s all good, but he is a crybaby."

loll

I love "yo, why'd you say that to me" so much, just pitch perfect dwight.

http://cdn1.sbnation.com/imported_assets/1944043/824941236.gif

Oops

http://cdn1.sbnation.com/imported_assets/1944043/824941236.gif

who's the poor sap who has to be the fatality victim?

gotta give it up for the head wobble from that guy tho

That was Aaron Brooks

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxkM3_4CsfU

Imagine Bosh and Howard in a room sitting at computers trying to code

Bosh compiling furiously while Dwight tries to make pencils get stuck in the ceiling

Teach a homeless guy to shoot free throws

var funnyPrank = function() {

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nba-ball-dont-lie/prior-doctor-intervention-dwight-howard-eating-equivalent-24-215009519--nba.html

Dr. Cate Shanahan, in a fascinating feature by CBS Sports’ Ken Berger, described her shock at Howard’s alarming levels of glucose in his system, telling CBS that she became concerned because Howard’s sluggish play and blood work “reminded me of patients who have pre-diabetes and neurological problems because of how sugar impacts the nervous system.” A subsequent blood test revealed frightening amounts of glucose in his system.

"Skittles just sent me 30 pounds of Skittles."
i think their marketing guy is a bit fucked up

Crazy that the Lakers have basically had two sugar addicts play for them within the last 5 years

there was another story the other day regarding players' diets. i don't get how these guys (ie. massive investments for teams) aren't being educated on this and fed decently 24/7 (better than candy and soda at least).

dude played beside steve nash, no way he didn't hear 'hey maybe eat something besides cotton candy for dinner tonight' at least once

haa the photo they used to illustrate that story is so perfect

http://i.imgur.com/jgvOFix.png
i ate so much caaaanday

His body-fat percentage -- hovering around 5-6 percent his entire career -- dropped to 3 percent, he said.

lol he would be ded

Skittles was probably still delivering 30 pound bags of candy for Lamar and Dwight probably just came into the mail room one day and said "what's that"