rolling thread for chronicling the misadventures of dwight howard, nba center

these netw3rl tweets from a couple days ago becoming prescient:

2032: a tall man, clad in bearskins, carrying a moose leg club, climbs down out of the Rocky Mountains. "I have decided," said Dwight Howard

Brushing twigs from his beard, he spoke: "After much reflection, I've decided to...god, what was it? Shit. What were the teams again?"

Then he was slaughtered for meat by the mutants that now populated the western states of what was once America.

lmao dwight never change

This whole thing has just been the worst.

but kinda awesome

dude I'm a lifelong laker fan and like the only one here. Not awesome at all bro

oh yeah sorry man! good entertainment for the rest of us but yeah sorry. Sounds like y'all still have a shot at him.

"He changed his mind," the source said. "Hey, he's Dwight. What can you say."

The source said Howard had a possible change of heart because of the extra $30 million he would be leaving on the table if he signs with Houston.

"It's hard to walk away from $30 million," a source close to Howard told ESPNLosAngeles.com. "Harder than we thought."

Los Angeles issued a statement saying that Howard informed Kupchak of his decision "to not return to the Lakers."

stealing this from another board but it's amazing:

Los Angeles Lakers:
One-Year Rental on Dwight Howard
One-Year Rental on Earl Clark
One-Year Rental on Chris Duhon

Philadelphia 76ers:
One-Year Rental on Andrew Bynum (Did Not Play)
Jason Richardson (Played 33 Games)

Denver Nuggets:
One-Year Rental on Andre Iguodala

Orlando Magic:
Arron Afflalo
One-Year Rental on Al Harrington (Played 10 Games)
Josh McRoberts (Traded for Hakim Warrick then Waived)
Nikola Vucevic
Moe Harkless
Christian Eyenga (Immediately Waived)
Romero Osby (Denver 2013 Second Round Pick)
Philadelphia Conditional First Round Pick
Denver/New York 2014 First Round Pick
Los Angeles 2015 Conditional Second Round Pick
Los Angeles 2017 Top-5 Protected First Round Pick

this Laker fan told me he was happy about this cuz they now have a shit ton of cap space. can't wait to see his reaction when he realizes this isn't true until summer of 2014.

Well no shit

what do they do now?

not a whole hell of a lot

go 39-43

amnesty kobe

fire sale pau and nash for picks?

hahaha kobe unfollowed dwight on twitter

does anyone on the planet not hate dwight at this point

Recap of tonight's events:
http://i.imgur.com/OFmwkzM.gif

xpost shaq probably thinks it's hilarious

lol frogbs

go 39-43

wouldn't be a huge drop off from last year if they pull this off.

yeah they will be way worse than that. No one on that team is getting any better

they could win 43 if they resort to Home Alone pranks at each home game....

wonder if Dwight will take those guys up on the free condoms

I heard that is what put him over the top for the decision

haha that summery of last years Dwight trade I was super convinced Orlando got screwed lmao

everyone was!

“It was on the Fourth of July,” Howard said. “That’s when I felt it was Houston. I was in Colorado. It seemed like every person that I met was from Houston. It was just so ironic. I’d walk around. Someone would ask for a picture. They’d give me a business card and it would say Houston on it. I was like, “Is everybody in Colorado from Houston right now?’ It was unbelievable. “I was like, ‘You know what, this has to be from God."

how much u wanna bet morey paid a bunch of locals and gave them fake business cards to give to dwight

also, dwight, everyone u met in colorado is from texas because that is where texans vacation in the summers. right now it is 4 billion degrees in houston plus 72000% humidity, it feels like satan ripped an endless burp in your face #fuckhoustonbtw

"It was just so ironic."

also, dwight, everyone u met in colorado is from texas because that is where texans vacation in the summers. right now it is 4 billion degrees in houston plus 72000% humidity, it feels like satan ripped an endless burp in your face #fuckhoustonbtw

― TALK TO THE HAND CUZ THE FACE DON'T WANNA HEAR IT (m bison), Saturday, July 6, 2013 10:03 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark

otm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wecRyKrNgc

i cant believe chandler was cheating on lin

“I think I had a big impact,” Parsons said at USA Basketball’s mini-camp. “The first thing he said at the press conference was that, ‘You guys should thank Chandler Parsons because he is a big reason why I am here.’

“Obviously, he loves the team, [general manager] Daryl Morey, coach [Kevin] McHale and all that. But I think I just gave him that comfort that you got one of your boys here who is also a key part to the team, a young guy. And we can grow on this for a long time.”

“I spent a lot of time during the summer in L.A.,” Parsons said. “We kind of just hit it off. We literally would text every day. He’d call me at 8 p.m. with a question and then he’d call me at midnight with the same question. I respect the way he handled [his free agency]. He took his time and weighed all his options.

“I was just that guy trying to make him feel as comfortable as possible. We have very similar personalities. We are both outgoing. We’re always smiling. We like to have fun. I made him really comfortable that he was not only coming to a really good team, but a team with his friends on it.”

is cheating!!!

He’d call me at 8 p.m. with a question and then he’d call me at midnight with the same question.

lol

chandler went on a twitter rant that he could not post on facebook that he is in an open polyamorous relationship and it totally makes sense now

http://www.slamonline.com/online/media/slam-tv/2013/11/dwight-howard-stops-by-sesame-street-video/

wow

sort of sad at declining dwight tbh http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/9997968/the-rockets-approach-nba-finals-worthy

man asik seems like a big baby, very unchill

he has some of the worst on court body language ever fwiw

def

kelvin sampson very candid about harden's defense

ugh lowe's little captions just write about basketball dude ahhhh

u r not funny!!!

Where are the captions

haha remember when writers were allowed to be not funny rip journalism

[http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2013/1118/beverley_patrick_1_g_mp_576.jpg

Ah

Haven't gotten that far yet

Does he still call Toronto the drakes. Is he still trying to create that meme

i'l have to keep an eye out for that Beverley butt screen...

i didnt watch a whole lot of howard before he left orlando (mostly i remember him getting owned by yao) but i think so far he's basically a slightly improved version of asik with better hands and an ability to finish (sometimes) around the rim.