Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"So, you say you work in retail?"

"Fascinating! You know, I spent two weeks as a bag lady back in college -- it really taught me about what's important in life -- I'm writing a memoir about my experiences and hard-earned wisdom right now, in fact, and let me tell you ..."

"So, what are you like in the sack?"

Ha, love this one.

"The bag Mother thinks I'm wearing doesn't have peepholes"

Bag man is running for 2 weeks.

Noms for this one are:
http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/06/24/g290/130624_contest_g290.jpg

• "Save it. Ignorance of the law is no defense."
• "Let that be a lesson to you."
• "I'm going to let you off with just a math lecture this time."

I submitted mine but no luck.

Don't like any of these. None of them make any specific reference to a traffic stop. The equations with 'd' and 's' and 't' were close enough to Newtonian mechanics that there should be at least one allusion to speeding.

A is the least worst, but isn't it usually "ignorance of the law is no excuse"?

B made me smile, for indescribable New-Yorker-cartoon reasons. Although the pun on "lesson" is bad.

ALL THREE ARE SHIT

^

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/07/01/g290/130701_contest_g290.jpg

• "Heal!"
• "Do you want it in dog years?"
• "In this clinic, Mr. Kramer, we call it a vasectomy."

So, this week:

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/07/22/p465/130722_contest_p465.jpg

"Do you mind? We're busy operating on Mr. Hitler."

"Hole in one."

"Don't worry, we've managed to extract your mashie whole."

(hrm, it's obvious that all I know of golf I learned from Wodehouse. Should perhaps substitute "five iron" or something for mashie. I love those old names though. Mashie niblick, I think? Wonderful!)

I suggest you try to fix that slice

Im sorry is this not a golf course lol

Look dr simpson it is a gentleman in full golfing regalia, dont allow it to distract u from this vital procedure i shall deal with the ruffian fortwith lol

They said greens dress code have i fucked up oh lord first day eh lol

There's an "unplayable lie: one stroke penalty" joke in this but I can't quite shape it.

Heh i didnt actually spot the ball there tbh

Surgeon: no i wont hold the fucking door for you

Eh the patient is dead y/n

"let's start with the good news - you're 101m from the green and i'd say a 9-iron out the window with a good bounce and you can still make par."

"god damn it, i'm a brain surgeon, not a caddy!"

"no golf shoes in the theatre ffs"

This was all fields when I were a lad

"apologies for my lateness. I was........stuck in traffic?"

"is this where i get handicapped?"

"yes i'm tyler goode"

"Please remember to repair any divots before you leave the course."

no, ophthalmology is on the ground floor

"Fore-ceps!"

"this is not what i was expecting but i guess it is pretty crazy"

"she says she wants to go back to thailand"

"a good operation spoiled"

"When I was told by the secretary that this golf club was a hip operation, this isn't what I had in mind."

"well don't just stand there! give me the driver!"

Surgeon: "How did you get in here?"
Golfer: "I used a pitching wedge."

Thailand one has pitched right over my head tbh

i assumed it was just a ref to old man golfer having a thai bride?

I may be out of bounds here but are you sure this operation is totally necessary?

I'll be honest lads I'm in holiday mode already

have a nice time

No that was an entry

Yeah, you can have your ball back, but that's a one stroke penalty, and i hope you remember to call "fore!" next time.

or some shorter/better combination of

"Bugger Off!"

"Lol."

"Alright, the chest is open, you may putt in the donor heart."