Invent interesting metaphors and similies for women's romantic novels.

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omg i just found these atrocious scripts for a "choose your own sex adventure" service thing (i saw it on jezebel) and i wonder what would happen if these abysmal scripts collided with the romance writer's phrasebook??!
http://s3.amazonaws.com/WP_redirect/media/Sexy-Tales-Female-Script.pdf
http://s3.amazonaws.com/WP_redirect/media/Sexy-Tales-Male-Script.pdf

the one for men is just about the worst thing i have ever read.

free your spirit pig (La Lechera), Monday, 1 July 2013 17:17 (five years ago) Permalink

holy shit

Romantic style in da world (crüt), Monday, 1 July 2013 17:18 (five years ago) Permalink

nsfw if your workplace doesn't want you reading stuff like "mixing your juices with my precum into a miraculous lubricant"

free your spirit pig (La Lechera), Monday, 1 July 2013 17:18 (five years ago) Permalink

"This is the best."

Romantic style in da world (crüt), Monday, 1 July 2013 17:19 (five years ago) Permalink

"Oh yeah, that's nice"

free your spirit pig (La Lechera), Monday, 1 July 2013 17:21 (five years ago) Permalink

this is the utter worst
i actually grew to like the romance writer's phrasebook after a while

free your spirit pig (La Lechera), Monday, 1 July 2013 17:25 (five years ago) Permalink

The one for men is clearly designed to turn on the man reading it more than the woman to whom it would ostensibly be read.

carl agatha, Monday, 1 July 2013 17:29 (five years ago) Permalink

"It’s usually a woman who performs phone sex for the man."

Also "like your wetness" is going to skeeve me out for a long time.

carl agatha, Monday, 1 July 2013 17:30 (five years ago) Permalink

lick, not like, but either way: skeevy.

carl agatha, Monday, 1 July 2013 17:30 (five years ago) Permalink

"Press 2 to finish off inside my very moist cavern"

emil.y, Monday, 1 July 2013 17:31 (five years ago) Permalink

Lolz

i didn't even give much of a fuck that you were mod (forksclovetofu), Monday, 1 July 2013 17:33 (five years ago) Permalink

"OMG! I'm oozing all over you"

http://protoncharging.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/neca_slimer_translucent.gif

emil.y, Monday, 1 July 2013 17:35 (five years ago) Permalink

lolol

free your spirit pig (La Lechera), Monday, 1 July 2013 17:38 (five years ago) Permalink

one year passes...

btw, i just bought this book based on this thread
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0399510028/

go ahead. make vid where u rap about this new TMNT movie. (forksclovetofu), Friday, 1 August 2014 16:29 (four years ago) Permalink

awesome! that's enough to make me post the audio version that i did recently. i was a little embarrassed about it, but what the hell
i hope you enjoy the book. it's a strange journey from page 1 to "her mind was filled with sour thoughts".

i hid the link bc i don't want it to be googleable! http://bit.ly/1oWeC0L

cross over the mushroom circle (La Lechera), Friday, 1 August 2014 17:54 (four years ago) Permalink

fucking awesome.

this book will live in my bathroom prob forever.

go ahead. make vid where u rap about this new TMNT movie. (forksclovetofu), Friday, 1 August 2014 18:05 (four years ago) Permalink

before too long you're going to start assembling your own…i had the book sitting on my shelf for years before i knew what to do with it. now i feel like the possibilities are endless!

cross over the mushroom circle (La Lechera), Friday, 1 August 2014 18:17 (four years ago) Permalink

well maybe not
the physical descriptions do lack range

cross over the mushroom circle (La Lechera), Friday, 1 August 2014 18:17 (four years ago) Permalink

but not DEPTH mirit

go ahead. make vid where u rap about this new TMNT movie. (forksclovetofu), Friday, 1 August 2014 18:21 (four years ago) Permalink

His eyes were pools of appeal.

cross over the mushroom circle (La Lechera), Friday, 1 August 2014 18:22 (four years ago) Permalink

OMG the track. Amazing.

emil.y, Saturday, 2 August 2014 12:22 (four years ago) Permalink

hey thanks! i'm proud bc the drums sound pretty good and seem to synch up with the story well enough

cross over the mushroom circle (La Lechera), Saturday, 2 August 2014 14:43 (four years ago) Permalink

three months pass...

are you enjoying the romance writer's phrase book y/n

i saw the trailer for the 50 shades movie and it looks AWFUL
like "here is a gift of some cherries, now let's hump in my private jet" awful

cross over the mushroom circle (La Lechera), Tuesday, 11 November 2014 21:20 (three years ago) Permalink

yes
it's nice to have around the house to sweettalk the gal with

Steve 'n' Seagulls and Flock of Van Dammes (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 11 November 2014 21:25 (three years ago) Permalink

haha
may your minds be filled with sour thoughts!

cross over the mushroom circle (La Lechera), Wednesday, 12 November 2014 00:18 (three years ago) Permalink


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