You Want Superman Revamp? [Also the Man of Steel (2013) thread]

how fucking random was it that a free-falling jor-el was saved by his trusty dragon

― da croupier, Monday, June 24, 2013 12:44 PM (7 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

avatar, dude.

idk if this has been mentioned yet, but why weren't the people of Earth still pissed at superman for drawing zod there in the first place?

http://cdn3.sbnation.com/imported_assets/610470/zod_medium.gif

pissed or not, what could they do about it? that's why I loled at the end where the military was sending out drones to spy on Superman. the fuck you gonna do if he is flying around playing hockey with skyscrapers? write him a sharply worded letter?

"you'll never find out where i hang my cape ps i'm from kansas"

a reporter with gumption figured out who you are, and now you narrow it down to an underpopulated state for the gov

i'm amazed superman doesn't ever collide with any planes

the whole last act was little but plot holes IMO

xp tbf he did move to Metropolis by the end

Mass Murderer of Steel: The Game

lol, kyle baker!

Hahahah Terence Stamp's on a roll

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/original-superman-star-interrupts-man-573843

Somehow reminded if McLuhan in Annie Hall.

*of

Sadly, Stamp passed up a once-in-a-lifetime to order the men to "pee before Zod."

idg how I'm supposed to play that Kyle Baker game. altho I do love Kyle baker

xpost lol

ok so i saw this and there were more things that i liked about it than i thought i would, but i did go in with like -1000 expectations

liked:
- krypton prologue and all the kooky sci-fi stuff there, i thought that was pretty weird and fun
- some of the flying around pinball machine action stuff
- the way the ships and stuff were filmed through a heat haze

didn't like:
- superman himself, what a big zero, the movie basically yawned anytime he was on screen
- all the pandering jesus and church stuff
- the fact that since everyone fighting was basically invulnerable the action scenes were pretty low-stakes plot-wise and were all about them just destroying property and lives
- kevin costner a good fit for the role but obviously just dropped by the set for like 2 days
- pa kent telling clark he should have let the bully kid die?? what the fuck?? since when does PA KENT tell superman to let a child die????
- superman's scream of anguish after he kills a guy, which i hated that he did too, they might have sold it but it wasnt earned at all at all
- superman should have this deep bond with his adopted planet and country, he should be more american than american, but having him sulk around for the first 20 years or whatever really weakens his identity

oh and:

- there's something terrible about a superman movie that's just totally joyless and humourless, i kept thinking about the scene in the original donner film where he realizes he can outrun a train and that total euphoria, it's so much more interesting than having him writhe around in super-sense-agony and mope about his powers

no moments of wonder like:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiN0Lwvi7CA

haha there were so many weird moments like that in the originals, gotta love em

definitely caught a bunch of michael bay moments in this too, like all the scenes of different ethnic groups around the world watching their TVs in awe, very armageddon

Ha, that's the worst! Are they standing in front of readily recognizable landmarks, like the Taj Mahal and Eiffel Tower?

it's more like they do the old cliche of "news broadcast simultaneously jump from country to country and the language being spoken by the broadcaster transitions smoothly into the language of that country."

Just remember watching Armageddon in the theater during that whole around the world montage and my friend leaning over to me and saying "got a Coke?"

omg
*spoilers*
this was spectacularly, astonishingly awful. A total shitshow.
The first hour or so was yknow OK, stop saying 'world', show us some cool alien dinosaurs, put a bully in the dumpster, get on with it.
and then they just.. forgot to finish writing it? Disjointed mess, unbelievably badly written, worse than a first draft before anyone even bothers fleshing it out - a teenage kid would come up with better dialogue and a story that made any sense, set out any real stakes etc. How does such a massive film feel so incredibly amateurish?
Favourite awful bit: "your ability to care for them... gives us an evolutionary advantage. And evolution always wins!" wtf wtf is that meant to mean? No-one's evolved (despite 18,000 years happening somewhere)? How could the process of evolution 'win'?
OH I HOPE THEY GO BACK TO THAT GIRL TRAPPED UNDER A BUILDING ONE MORE TIME, I WAS WONDERING WHAT WAS HAPPENING WITH HER

How did Supes win by breaking Zod's neck? Why didn't his neck break the first 100 times he flew into a building? If Zod only cared about keeping his 'people' alive why didn't he want to keep natural born KalEl alive after the rest were genocided? Why did Supes have to escape the clutches of a Matrix snake then fly through the planet to kick a spaceship in the balls? Why did the 'S' pencil topper need jiggling around in the ignition at the end? So many wtf 'someone seriously wrote that?' moments.
Agh
Why

Not to forget *cough cough argrgghh this Krypton air is tickling my throat again*

why did any of you pay to see this? WHY. stop encouraging Zack Snyder

it was half price and I love original Superman so much I have to see how much they've ruined it. Thought it couldn't be worse than SR; actually it's on a par with 'the Room' in terms of random writing and infinitely more boring AND LOUDDDDDD

kinder otm

neck-breaking was fucking ridiculous, i guess now superman's neck is a weakness? sure raises the stakes

Xxpost Besides this thing was gonna make money even if the film was just two hours of Supes riding a unicycle

Xpost yea i try not to get bogged down in such details but after all we'd just seen, the neckbreak was akin to a nuclear bomb having a prominent off switch

in conclusion throw christopher nolan into a volcano

while the bay-isms and nolan-isms got gross and I wish there had been more of the "wow it's fun to be a superhero, let's go save a puppy" stuff that only Marvel seems to get now (nothing in this world saving was remotely as gripping as Iron Man saving nine people in mid-air), I'll still take this over Superman Returns. The "someone wrote that?" moments aren't THAT off from the original batch (I mean SII ends with a radiation booth switcheroo an amnesia kiss, c'mon) and while I can shake my fist over unearned moments in MoS I can't even BEGIN to comprehend what emotional context they were providing for Super-babydaddy's creepy relationship with Lois.

SII was allowed to do silly ridiculous shit because it wasn't making any attempt to be the most self-serious film of all time

that's definitely a big reason I prefer Superman II to Man Of Steel, too. but if you're going to complain that a superman movie has idiotic plotting and supes killing Zod, it's worth noting it's not the first.

well...depends on the version of II you saw!

I'm glad this shit is just a moderate hit

In the TV version, which boasts an extra half hour and is to me the definitive version despite not existing anywhere, the villains don't disappear forever into the ice. As Lex talks Supes into cutting him slack outside the Fortress of Solitude, the "Polar Patrol" or something is seen in the back leading the villains by gunpoint into a van.

effete willowy sadist far more memorable and effective than bellowing batshit meathead

― i didn't even give much of a fuck that you were mod (forksclovetofu), Monday, June 17, 2013 12:44 AM (41 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

See: montalban as khan

― we're up all night to get (s1ocki),

wait...isn't Montalban a willowy bellowing sadist?

I'm glad this shit is just a moderate hit

yeah I'm not shocked people aren't running back for more when there are so many other options. another reason I'm guessing the next supes will be considerably lighter (assuming they don't try the justice league bullshit). I mean you've got daily planet, you've presumably got luthor, you don't need to tell no origin story...

i feel like the screenwriter was really exorcising some bad memories of a time he didn't plug a USB memory stick in fully enough with this script

lol

ah why won't the little light at the end of this damn thing go on!?

- superman himself, what a big zero, the movie basically yawned anytime he was on screen

thought this was pretty much the worst thing about it, people who say 'superman is a boring character' are almost always dumb/unimaginative but this movie makes their case for them pretty well

i was actually kind of amazed after like an hour and a half of film that superman was still not an actual character and the guy we'd been watching for the whole movie still had no identifiable personality. i mean theres a lot of blockbusters with boring or 2-dimensional characters, but at least they're recognizable as characters

i did really dig the fight scene in smallville. faora and the big guy tagteaming superman was pretty exciting and unlike any superhero fight i'd seen before. snyder has some pretty neat visual ideas there and he pulls them off with relative restraint (no speed ramping!). the idea of the camera reflecting a human POV and just barely keeping up with what's happening is executed really nicely even though it could've been a mess in less capable hands

they were definitely faster than a speeding bullet

that's definitely a big reason I prefer Superman II to Man Of Steel, too. but if you're going to complain that a superman movie has idiotic plotting and supes killing Zod, it's worth noting it's not the first.

― da croupier, Wednesday, June 26, 2013 8:27 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'm not of the opinion that he killed Zod in II, both for the reasons Alfred mentioned, and cuz he had no reason to since his powers were gone. But yeah, Superman II had a slew of holes in it, and generally, I find it annoying when people over analyze comic book movie plotholes (ie, bitching about whether Batman was 6 or more miles outside the blast zone in TDKR when they accepted that Scarecrow had magical "freakout" gas that scrambled people's brains in BB).

but Superman II worked despite its flaws because it had memorable characters and scenes, and kept its general story simple. Had it been as leaden as MoS upon arrival, I'm sure some of those flaws would have annoyed me more.

Superman's complete lack of personality was so bizarre given the 'ooooh CONFLICTED' set-up. Then he was like yeah I met my ghost dad, we're chill. Just need to check with this priest but I think i'm gonna out myself and be a decent guy now.

And considering the focus above everything else on'how will the WORLD react to the evidence that we're not alone?' there were precisely zero reactions beyond 'huh, aliens you say, better shoot them with more guns, I guess'