I SCORED A GOAL FFS

we don't even actually see the ball being kicked in that golf thing. zapruder film my arse

back, and to the left... back, and to the left... back, and to the left...

tbh that footee thing was great craic but the greens were like fuckign deserts, roy keane would have had a thing to say

i suggets a poll of most dubious dmac goals, and i'll attempt to source sworn testimony for the top three, with a video re-enactment of the winner

NV as Skinner, at a push I can do Baddiel

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cs4OHQEe6E

d-darragh...?

aw cant see that

was forced to act out this goal on an unevenly sheepeaten lawn today, it was quite humiliating but it wont stop me telling it how it was

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKYhgXrLRXE

cheers

nah, not able to juggle and wouldnt even have tried the turn in the corner

the actual finish was quite me tho

The opposite if a goal is the lazy underhit pass across your own defensive line that gets intercepted and then slotted home by a wily opponent.

Scored a beautiful left-footer on Monday evening during the indoor game. Weaved in from the right past three men, foot-to-foot toe-dribbling it and changing direction, before pelting it in the bottom left corner. Actually elicited verbal approval from opponents and teammates. Did piss-all else in front of goal.

Are you Adam Johnson?

wtf id be up before a jury and all he gets is the aj dimension

btw I hit the inside bottom of the post of a small goal from abt 15 yards in a kids' playground full of kids the other day, then went back to my in-depth conversation about mathematics with one of the teachers. felt strong

frolicking with the young 'un down at the all-weather pitch, I cracked a mini-ball off the inside of the post, then lashed the rebound in off the underside of the bar, and down the net with a swish. A video camera was present but not recording that passage. I was heartbroken, the soundtrack would've been *amazing*

The other month in our Friday game I recreated Platt's goal at Italia 90 from that Gazza chipped throughball, where it comes over his shoulder and he hits it first time on the volley into the corner. It was fucking amazing. But, apparently, according to the opposition, I had just edged into the goal area, which is against our 5-a-side rules. So the cunts disallowed it.

Then tonight I ran onto a throughball, swung my left peg, and had my knee collapse on me. Carried off. Out for three weeks.

three weeks isnt too bad after being carried off tbf!

Recurring injury, I know exactly how I works. Sadly.

My knee is so weird. With the aid of a spectacular new knee brace, I played tonight because we were a couple of men down; I thought I'd just make up the numbers. But the brace was awesome! Scored three or four, the best of which was George Weah-esque; picked it up in our area from a defensive corner, and too, it all the way upfield before rolling it under the keeper. In 25 degree heat on AstroTurf, that was quite an effort.

I've had it with this thread. From now on Youtubes only plz

You think you're George Weah, but really you're Said al-Owairan.

To be fair, I went in pretty much a straight line, didn't pirouette, and didn't skin anybody.

ben arfa/capote line

Ye take the goodness from everything yis bastards.

Scored a dinho vs chelsea, whacked a dropping volley in off the post and damn near replicated the letiss fc of yore, walked off pitch basically thinkin "cunts on ilf wont be havin any of it"

oh, walked did ya, look at mr fancy 'i don't need my hands to help me get form place to place' here.

from also. drunk tbf.

My mood wasnt helped by falling on my arse in conceding the winner tbf

a nicely edited video would clear all of this up

Ms mac has declined in rather choice terms to volunteer to film my glorious efforts

tmi

Open goal ffs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHadtUDaZtg&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I don't think I've ever scored a goal in 11-a-side, certainly not in adulthood, but i could count on one hand the number of games that takes in.

I play five a side most weeks. Not a prolific goal scorer, tend to lose composure anywhere near goal, but did score a satisfying side-footer from a little outside the box. One of the few times i've properly instinctively read and reacted to a cross and not just swiped the air.

That said, i do think i've improved a lot from how bad i used to be. I do have a bit of a problem with my big toe, i've done it some damage at some point in the past, so now when i toe poke with any force (or put a solid challenge in) i end up hobbling for a while. Contemplating bandaging it up to give it a little protection, otherwise goals will stay few and far between.

One of the lads broke his shoulder ffs

Downgraded to broken collarbone

You'll be glad to hear folks, i had a nightmare tonight.

clavicular fortitude

Don't believe that for a second. Commiserations to your boy.

howd it happen

He went in shoulder to shoulder with the wrong 6 ft 5 doctor, who rather sheepishly diagnosed the damage afterwards

One of my teammates did his collarbone at fives once - gentle jog towards the wall and put up his foot to spring away from it, only there was condensation on it and he slipped and just collapsed inwards like a burst bouncy castle, only really fast. Thought he was a goner tbh, it felt like a lucky escape in the end.

My worst fives injury was a cunted baw in the baws. 20 years since and the memory is still vivid.

i was messing and tripped a friend, in the park, about 15 years ago. as he fell he basically flicked a hand to jab me in the nuts, barely any contact but whatever way he connected it practically blinded me with pain.

i'd say it was a one-inch punch if someone can lock the thread now.

'the flick of the sack' was a widely respected skill in my secondary school days out west, it was always given its full title and a tone of due respect was used

Yeah, all the guys at my school spent most of Year 9 walking around between classes cupping themselves, so virulent had become the trend for the backhand flick as you passed each other in the corridor. Everywhere you looked there was weeping lads wheezing and sinking to the floor. The things kids do eh

In my idler moments I sometimes daydream about having a crack at the doucher who works at the desk opposite mine, just for old time's sake like

Ken scored a goal today. I was the schmuck who just failed to clear it off the line. We still won though.

It might help my credibility itt to note the appalling form and lack of goals the past three months

Jinking one-footed run through four men and nestled in off back of post

Left foot half volley crashed off underside of bar, in off gk's back

Good to be back

ps fell on a fellas knee and my backs fucked

I scored two goals today where the keeper got hand to the ball but couldn't keep it out. The first one made me feel good because it was a nice shot and I hadn't scored in a while. The second one was from close range and I should have put it in the corner. I felt strangely unsatisfied