Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"Yeah, we used to get people to walk in a straight line to test if they were drunk, but we switched it up to Intermediate Calculus."

"If you want signs showing the speed limit in Arabic numerals, then why don't you just go and live in the Middle East?"

"Welcome to the Blackboard Jungle. Drive carefully."

Cop: "Who do you think you are, Einstein?"

"We tried having roadsigns labelled in binary, but this way is less confusing."

"The government decided that the driving test was too easy, so they added the requirement that candidates have to solve the n-body problem."

"Is that the new model Ford you're driving?"

"Hey! I didn't make the laws of Thermodynamic Fusion, Buddy!"

"Turns out that I should just think of you as a number instead of a person."

"Well if you had a Google self driving car, you wouldn't have problems with roadsigns."

"Don't try and be smart with me."

"...and once you've figured out this equation, I've got a real test for you. Try figuring out the cartoonist's name from their signature."

"OK, now do you know how fast you were going?"

a+

Policing by numbers

"Do you know how fast you were going?"

oops, that was already done

capt obv: "Can't you read the sign?"

"Before you go, I have just one more question"

"Don't play dumb with me!"

"You're not from around here, are you?"

"We figured education was the answer to our graffiti problem, but...."

"Look buddy, we can work this out right here or we can go back to the station where the blackboard is bigger and the teachers aren't so nice..."

Nice, esp "don't play dumb".

• "I wish they would just go back to tapping our phone lines."
• "Don't worry, we have this room booked until four."
• "Relax. It's just a triptych."

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/07/01/p465/130701_contest_p465.jpg

"The fake dog head is not necessary, you are actually a dog in real life!"

Presumably, one of the finallists is going to be some version of:

"Here's your prescription, boy.. FETCH!!!"

"Well you should have checked to see if the costume was full of superglue before you put it on!"

"I'm a vet. I treat actual animals, not furries."

"Well of course I'm a terrible plastic surgeon. One look at my nose should have told you that!"

"The bad news is that worms are the least of your problems."

"you have full-blown aids"

"you have full-blown aids"

so nice it posted twice

"i'm afraid we're going to have to remove it"

"well, between you and me, i'm not really a vet either, so you've come to the right place"

"If you keep telling me you're a dog, I'll cut your balls off."

"So you're convinced that you're not only a dog, but a ninja dog."

"Welcome to Happypet Veterinary Clinic. We put the RX into REX."

"It's bad news I'm afraid. Another shit New Yorker caption contest cartoon."

"Your mother is a bitch."

"The Hepatitis E will likely pass on its own -- but I highly recommend restricting your dog shit intake for a few weeks."

(obv shouldn't post to this thread at 1:30 am)

"It's okay, I'm actually a dentist" sounds like a winner to me

"Do you mind being called 'boy'? Some of my patients object when I call them that."

"I'm sorry, but the the course of the disease is irreversible."

"Unfortunately yes, that was in dog years."

"Everything looks to be in order. We're all set to neuter you!"

"We don't use any anesthesia in this office, but the milkbones are excellent."

"I'm sorry, the tests are conclusive. You are, in fact, a bad, bad dog."