Rate the people sitting across or next to you on public transport

Guy with dyed black hair in a ponytail and Devil's goatee who obviously fancied himself as some kinda sinister-yet-charismatic leader but had his powers somewhat diminished by the box of donuts he was carrying: 5/10

Four-year-old kid in old England away shirt who smelled strongly of shit and spilled some Volvic over me: 3/10

talking of which, girl who tried to give me head on back seat of bus 7/10 (i already knew her)

Score for blowjob or girl?

Girl who spent the whole journey from Bank to Tottenham Court Road applying Mabeline Great Lash mascara at the kind of speed normally associated with sloths, continental drift etc. Your precision technique and self-absorbed narcissism made me feel really ill for some reason and it didn't make any difference to your appearence after the first coat. 2/10 (Points for having a cool dress.)

no one specific, but why do people think physical contact is acceptable on public transport? i know the bus is crowded, but it only takes a minimum of effort to keep some air space between our arms. do not want your smelly, sweaty flesh pressed against mine.

I fucking loathe temporarily not having a car.

Loud Aboriginal bloke shouting at his wife: 2/10
Twenty-something girl looking for all the world like a 12-year-old going to her friend's for a sleepover: 6/10
Fourty-something dickhead in denim shirt trying to read The Australian: 0/10

Score for blowjob or girl?

girl. as there was no blowjob on the bus ('tried'). anyway, after the last couple i'd kill for a 7

Every idiot that wants to get off the 721 before Flinders University and complains loudly when the bus driver won't let them off: 10/10 (for comedy value)

woman who got on bus at tower bridge, and asked driver could he drive down this cobbled street with the rest of her coach party on board, because their coach was too big 7.7/10

I've mentioned this before but as it was the last time I went on a bus in London (except one of those tourist buses) I'll say it again.

Man, who when he got on the top deck of the bus, everybody (except me) went downstairs (which struck me as odd), and who then started shouting that he was gonna stab everybody on the bus and seemed to be screaming "what the fuck are looking at" at the back of my head. minus 10/10.

(luckily - as I am a coward and was rooted to the spot in fear - the bus driver stopped the bus came running up the stairs and shouted "i've told you before, if you keep abusing the passengers you're going to have to get off the bus" and led me downstairs. So he get's 11 out of 10.

no one specific, but why do people think physical contact is acceptable on public transport? i know the bus is crowded, but it only takes a minimum of effort to keep some air space between our arms. do not want your smelly, sweaty flesh pressed against mine.

-- lex pretend, Monday, July 9, 2007 9:54 AM (53 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Sorry Lex, this is probably me, I cannot keep my balance.

Black kids jumps on chasing his friends who hare it upstairs without paying. He then addresses the downstairs with a quick comedy routine on how all black people can not be trusted apart from one dude in a suit he notices. Basically like the best skits off the Sway mixtapes but real. 9/10

Lex: Man of the People

Guy spending entire journey making that teeth-sucking noise: 3/10

Woman in front of me on train who smelt like she'd been airing her clothes in a room full of half-smoked Marlboro Lights for a hundred years: 0/10
(Gained points for not joining in communal moaning about smoking ban, but lost them again because I had a hangover.)

Skinny girl with baggy jeans, Timberlands, chunky, bad weave and plastic TMNT backpack: 8/10

I agree with The Lex. I could not think of anything worse than coming into physical contact on public transport with someone like this guy:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v424/runmdc/ilovethearcticmonkeys.jpg

Ugh!

Gay dude with presumably ironic Housemartins haircut putting his fucking feet across two seats despite it being rush hour on the 1718 from Slough to London Paddington, going "OMIGODOMIGODOMIGOD" into his mobile repeatedly while talking about how "outrageous" he and his friends were: 0/10

Probably posts to ILX.

Woman on the Bristol Temple Meads-Swindon train with thick steel grey hair in a ponytail and outdoor clothes and big boots yet who talks incessantly and loudly about working indoors in an office, even though it's the National Trust, it's still an office and those boots are not necessary unless you want to prove something about being outdoorsy: 2/10.

http://991.com/newGallery/Housemartins-Live-At-The-BBC-373559.jpg

Black American driver of 176 stopping at Camberwell Green at 3am and walking round the bus shouting "I WANNA SAY THIS REAL CLEAR SO Y'ALL DON'T HAVE TO KEEP ASKIN ME - THIS BUS WILL TERMINATE AT DULWICH LIBRARY. IT AIN'T GOIN TO FOREST HILL. IT AIN'T GOIN TO SYDEN-HAM. IT AIN'T GOIN TO FUCKIN PENGE. IT TERMINATES AT DULWICH LIBRARY" - 10/10

An American bus driver in London? This I gotta see

IT AIN'T GOIN TO FUCKIN PENGE.

points off for it not being "motherfukin peng-e"

^greatest experience of my adult life

Crackhead with an afro on the Picadilly line northbound, addressing the whole carriage by shouting "21 years on the underground.... 21 years man. If I get off tomorrow, I still got 21 years, innit?", before beatboxing a version of "Wonderwall" and, overoptimistically, passing his right shoe around for people to deposit change: 10/10

Overweight man with goatee pacing up and down Oxford St bus stop in freezing rain, guffawing with nerdish laughter down a phone and loudly debating the merits of various TNA midcarders and ECW favourite the Sandman, before shouting "no that's it, I've won the argument, I've won the argument, I'm hanging up", before hanging up and then cheering to himself: 3/10

Insane man on 37 in Brixton threatening to kill random passengers for downloading his music illegally, alternately threatening to shoot Them in the face and then complaining that They will get him framed for having a gun even though he is innocent and does not have a gun, before explaining that white people should fuck off and download Oasis instead because they all look stupid no matter what: 6/10

self-important haggard-looking cunt tapping away on a laptop on the bus and staring at me like a creepy weirdo while simulteneously posting sub-noise board bollocks to a forum that doesn't care: 0/10

-- g-kit, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 12:13 (11 months ago) Bookmark Link

This is one of the great Scrappy Doo moments of ILX btw

Overweight man with goatee pacing up and down Oxford St bus stop in freezing rain, guffawing with nerdish laughter down a phone and loudly debating the merits of various TNA midcarders and ECW favourite the Sandman, before shouting "no that's it, I've won the argument, I've won the argument, I'm hanging up", before hanging up and then cheering to himself: 3/10

Initially read the last bit of this as "cheering up and hanging himself"

Guy on tram a few weeks back who spent the journey randomly berating the carriage with such gems as "I'll shoot you all, you bastards", "I've killed many men before, I'll kill you now", and most impressively "I was a child soldier in Sierra Leone, you don't wanna fuck with me". This was accompanied by a litany of physical and vocal tics to add extra spice. Not the worst I've seen but not the best, prob 6/10.

Whilst he was clearly insane and moderately entertaining to listen to, I felt that there'll doubtless be a point some time in the future where he launches into this at the "wrong" person and will get the living shit kicked out of him = DUD.

Mr "My balls are so big I need to spread my legs at 170 degrees and use up an entire row of train seats" 0/10

Cute girl with the withering look who obviously hates the entire world who said "you think you could let me have at least half a seat to myself?" to him 8/10 (she lost points for the badges, you can't hate the world and be properly withering with cutesy badges on your jacket)

RIP g-kit

Has something happened since Saturday?

http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?showall=true&bookmarkedmessageid=2295&boardid=40&threadid=57514

Insane man on 37 in Brixton threatening to kill random passengers for downloading his music illegally, alternately threatening to shoot Them in the face and then complaining that They will get him framed for having a gun even though he is innocent and does not have a gun, before explaining that white people should fuck off and download Oasis instead because they all look stupid no matter what: 6/10

Wise man.

Taxi driver outside New St station whose opening gambit was "do you enjoy eating sandwiches", followed by "and of course you go gym for MAXIMUM GOOOOOOD POWER YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH", subsequently spending entire journey ranting about how much he loves Madonna but he doesn't love Madonna because she spends too much time in America and she should spend all her time here because he loves her, while taking a ridiculously confused route to Villa Park despite there being ten minutes to kick-off, then trying to charge me £10.70: 0.000000000/10

is that not some sort of steampunk thing

nope

a very US style "workout gear for troops, veterans, and the people who wish they were troops" brand but from the UK

like I said jim

anyway I’m off the train now, he’s free to sign his soldier F petitions in peace

'Hey, man, you spread any wider, something's liable to fall out of there.'

^ words I literally had to refrain from saying just now because I don't really need a black eye atm

But seriously. I think he's at risk of displagia. I'm concerned.

why can't people on trains just shut up

Had a good one the other day. Two guys - I think from Albania or somewhere in the Balkans - randomly punching each other in the chest, and when I say punching I mean with real violent force and then going back to looking at their mobile phones.

... on the bus home.