your most important local news story the world must know about

Severed deer head left on Tesco shop till

holy fuckin shit

http://minnesota.publicradio.org/display/web/2013/06/14/nazi-commander-minnesota

http://theon1on.com/

xp: jesus christ. That's horrifying.

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http://i.imgur.com/6PbF7EJ.png?1

this guy otm re that phrase and other self-congratulatory cliches http://www.theawl.com/2013/06/woah-its-lame-twitter

http://i.imgur.com/K0xV0dR.jpg

I had two of the most liberal parents in the world, but in my house, the word "fart" was on par with "shit" as a word polite folk do not use. I was surprised (and somewhat aghast) the first time I heard one of my friends say it in front of his parents.

My little girl says it now and I wince. And seeing that headline makes me slowly realize that my parents were insane.

what were you supposed to say instead?

(please don't say pooting, pleeeease don't say pooting)

odoriferous emanation

Vladimir oh gawwd no

my family just called it passing gas. I still feel weird about saying "fart." and I am crazy.

im the same as pp. i can say cunt all day long but fart ugh. its hard to type even. i say 'pop' btw. very adult.

i'm pp and crut and sunny
except "pop" wtf

As kids, we said "tooted."

After we turned 9, we never spoke of it again.

Well, except for my step-brother. He was like the Louis Armstrong of farting.

Lassiter Basket bought his .22-caliber handgun in 1963 and in recent years has fired it just twice a year — on New Year's Eve and the Fourth of July. He says he uses blanks for safety and shoots in the privacy of his Forest Park row house.

"Other people fire firecrackers," the white-haired 82-year-old said. "It's just a noisemaker."

But on Thursday, police say Basket had live ammunition in his gun when he fired off a round that blasted through the wall of his great-granddaughter's bedroom. While the 17-year-old escaped with minor wounds to her wrists and leg, the shooting serves as another reminder of the dangers of celebratory gunfire.

Basket said police are "mistaken" and that he's certain that he had a blank in the chamber, but Detective Angela Carter-Watson, a police spokeswoman, said investigators recovered evidence of a real bullet at the scene.

For years, officials have urged residents to refrain from celebratory gunfire as injuries mount. Celebratory gunfire this past New Year's Eve claimed the life of a Cecil County girl. In 2011, a falling bullet injured a 4-year-old boy at Fourth of July celebrations at the Inner Harbor.

Basket took Tashira Holley, his great-granddaughter, to a local hospital shortly before midnight Thursday.

He said he had walked out of his bedroom on the second floor, pointed the handgun down the hall and pulled the trigger, confident he had loaded it with blanks he keeps in a purple cloth bag that once held a bottle of Crown Royal whiskey. He said he keeps his real ammunition separate, in a Remington box.

To his surprise, the bullet wasn't harmless.

"She said, 'Granddad, I'm hit,' and I said, 'You can't be,' " Basket said.

Doctors tended to Holley's wounds and X-rayed her wrists but found no life-threatening injuries. Holley sat on the front porch of her house Friday with gauze bandages around both wrists, which were resting in her lap over pink Snoopy pajama pants.

"I wasn't surprised when it happened, but I was surprised when I saw the blood," Holley said. "I'm glad it's all right."

[...]

Basket said he kept his celebratory gunfire indoors and used blanks out of safety concerns. He stood by a citizen's right to bear arms.

"I think guns are necessary for people who know how to use them," Basket said. "If you don't have a way of protecting yourself, police are not going to be here to give you help."

Police have not charged Basket with any crime, but officers are consulting with the state's attorney's office about the matter, Carter-Watson said. Officers seized his weapon Thursday night, and he does not plan to replace it.

"It won't happen again because I'm not buying anything else," Basket said. "I have to now depend on the Police Department to do their job."

http://www.capitalgazette.com/news/for_the_record/man-swims-hours-to-save-family-after-boat-capsizes-off/article_5179d3ad-e3ae-5a07-be34-cac0681eb490.html

DEAL ISLAND — John Franklin Riggs swam for about five hours to get help for his family, including two children, after their small powerboat capsized in a storm.

Riggs climbed rocks along the shoreline in the dark and knocked on the door of the first house he saw early Wednesday.

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“He came to the right house,” said Angela Byrd, whose dog’s barking awakened her. She found 46-year-old Riggs outside, soaking wet and barefoot.

“He said, ‘I’ve been swimming since sundown. I need help,’ “ she said.

Byrd called 911 and rescuers were soon on their way to the 16-foot Carolina Skiff that capsized near Deal Island, southwest of Salisbury on Maryland’s Eastern Shore. Life jackets saved the boaters’ lives, said Sgt. Brian Albert of the Maryland Natural Resources Police.

A Maryland State Police helicopter hovered above the boat as firefighters from Deal Island, Mount Vernon and Fairmount in Somerset County and Westside in Wicomico County pulled alongside. The U.S. Coast Guard also was on the scene, Albert said.

Contessa Riggs of Washington said she clung to the boat for five hours with her 3-year-old son, Conrad Drake; her 70-year-old father, a retired commercial waterman also named John Riggs; and his 9-year-old granddaughter, Emily Horn, a fourth-grader visiting from the San Francisco Bay area.

“I’ve never been so happy to see search boats in my life,” Contessa Riggs said Wednesday. “It took him five hours to swim ashore. He had to stop and grab a crab pot buoy and rest, then swim.

“We clinged to the side of the boat and got stung by sea nettles in the dark,” she said.

Riggs’ niece, Emily, calls Riggs a “real hero.” She added that the next time the family goes fishing, “I’ll go if the water is really shallow.”

http://www.irishtimes.com/news/crime-and-law/drug-links-suspected-as-dublin-man-27-shot-dead-1.1464200

See that wall? Thats my fuckin wall.

fuuuuck

ikr? had i gone to work at my usual time today id have been +/- 5 mins a witness

wow!

jesus deems

Its a nice estate, i mean really nice, the walls around it are u&k tho- lad was bottled more than half to death last week at 5.30pm at the next luas stop. Wouldnt say it was typical of kilmainham tho tbh, but we border crumlin, inchicore, rialto, areas with a little more rep to them.

But yeah, shit.lease up soon, so idk.

be careful D

I dont feel like 'just anyone' could get attacked tbh, the area feels safe to me, in terms of trouble wont come looking for you if you dont go looking for it first iykwim.

safe enough alright, just edging sw inner city realness. going in for a bit of the auld drug dealing wouldn't be the thing there at all

There is IRA graffiti above the flowers at the spot this AM

I mean i know its a neighbourhood watch area but

A TEENAGE boy remains in a critical but stable condition in hospital after a ‘BBQ exploded’ in Sidcup on Saturday evening.

Emergency services were called to Penhill Road at about 6.30pm to reports of four people burnt at a BBQ being held in a back garden.

A 17-year-old boy suffered severe burns and was rushed by land ambulance to King’s College Hospital, where he remains in a critical condition.

Three others, who suffered less severe burns, were taken by ambulance to a specialist burns unit at Broomfield Hospital in Chelmsford. The air ambulance landed nearby but was not needed.

Anne Kenton, 71, and Sidney Gillett, 81, were in their front room when they heard screams coming from next door.

Grandmother-of-four Ms Kenton said: “We thought it was just the children playing. I understand it was someone who threw petrol on the barbecue.

nb that is not local to here but its a classic ~local news~ freakshow

Grandmother of four

Sounds like a spy novel

"land ambulance"

"SEAGULL STOLE MY TEETH"

http://www.theargus.co.uk/news/10569408.Seagull_swoops_to_steal_pensioner_s_dentures_at_Bexhill_care_home

No results found for "seagal stole my teeth"

you're not even trying
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdwdX5PxF9Q

what a gruesome extract

http://monroecountyjournal.com/2013/07/29/naked-jet-ski-rider-makes-waves-for-local-law-enforcement/

Amory Jesus busted! I saw him walking everywhere around town for the last ten years so I assumed he didn't have a vehicle, but apparently he does own a jet ski. Also, now I know his name.

http://www.thedailyjournal.com/viewart/20130730/NEWS01/307290033/Wing-eating-champion-admits-he-s-drug-dealer

sounds like an onion story about joe biden

uh
http://www.thv11.com/news/article/274333/2/Report-Kanye-West-wants-to-buy-Graceland-for-Kim-Kardashian

Love that they could only find Graceland art at TunicaTravel.com.

damn dude

http://gawker.com/gang-bang-organizer-puts-occupation-on-business-cards-1042364279

a lot of free will vs morality police questions there but mostly trumped by the deathless tweet: "gang bang today... lots of fun"

https://twitter.com/masterscottyp

there are no tweets between aug '09 and jun '12. so, drought period or just solid gangbangs?

first string of half dozen tweets are all pure gold

http://i42.tinypic.com/35k8v91.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/x3sN6M3.png

http://i.imgur.com/03Vy64I.png

http://i.imgur.com/ks1Uf19.jpg

this guy is like catnip to u isn't he