What equipment do i need to make shitty Justin Bieber-esque and Carly Rae Jepsen horseshit?

Here you go. Don't forget the 72-channel SSL desk for the mix.

http://www.soundonsound.com/sos/sep12/articles/it-0912.htm

You don't need a computer to put samples into an MPC. It's a sampler.

sure, for regular horseshit. if you want to make shitty horseshit though you need to get the computer involved.

using a computer does make it easier tho

wither Poliopolice