Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"Stop hanging around."

Cmon man these're nowhere like as good as mine be srs

"Alright Mr. Dowd, I guess I believe you. Now, could you please ask him to put you down?"

"Don't worry, this is normal"

"And you say the only propellant is vindaloo?"

Many patients come to me complaining of gas, but yes, helium is definitely a first.

okay one of the choices for the giraffe cartoon is "Mistakes were made," which is killing me

"don't worry -- follow my dietary guidelines, and your weight will be back in the black by new years."

"it's okay, you won't break the scale fifty-foot tall man standing twenty yards away from me."

"Mistakes were made" is one of those universal captions that's surprisingly funny with about 80% of visual gags. Like the jet wearing stilettos upthread: "Mistakes were made."

"I feared the stiffness would lead to this. You have cooties."

(kinda gave up on that -- was trying to come up with some crap about a tween curse)

another caption i think is pretty funny with most of these is "jesus."

For the sisyphus one:

"It helps if you think of it as 'leaning in.'"

I'm stuck on this one

"I've brought down bigger men than you, Picard!"

"Everyone knows magic monkey paws thrive on ironic literal interpretations of euphemisms -- you should've just asked it to make you less fat."

(uh, that's basically the plot of a Chesterton short story, I think.)

Oh wait, it's by H.G. Wells. The Truth About Pyecraft

"wtf lol."

"Please stop jumping on my wagon; you've already made the wheels break off"

^ ha, best so far.

yeah that one's great

no rapturing!

"Good. Now cast a shadow."

"To be frank, everybody prefers the card tricks"

"The power of Christ may compel you, but it's not a weight-loss plan."

"Seems to be a particularly light dose of the flew"

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/06/03/p465/130603_contest_p465.jpg

"Ah, there's a taxi"

"You'd think they'd put out that fire, what with that hydrant being right there."

"Ha- ha!"

"That new Margaret Thatcher museum is really popular."

"Say, isn't that one of those new Obamacare death panels?"

"Finally they're doing something about all those four-eyed glasses wearers."

"Either we're both really short or the cartoonist can't draw perspective."

"Looks like the Jimmy Savile Fan Club are going to pay the old pedo a visit."

"So this is what happens backstage at a concert of Pink Floyd's 'The Wall'!"

"That's where the New Yorker send all their cartoonists for training."

"I didn't know that auditions for 2013's X Factor had already started."

"So there are TWO Satans? This changes everything!"

"Oh look, a street theatre performance of the original ending to Star Trek V!"

the "just lean in" finalist for the rock/stroller contest is really new yorkery.

"wrong again jews"

"So that's what they're doing with all the people who voted LibDem at the last election!"

"A queue! Thank god I'm on the guest list"

"I don't care what you're saying," sighed Pauline Chick. "It's time to see Dr. Erickson again, Jack."

"I'm starving, let's eat!"

"mmmm tandoori"

"why they gotta be black?"

"Oh, wow!! This must be Hell's Kitchen! Let me get my camera!"

Sipress Hell