The Apprentice UK 2013

Actually, (said this halfway in), I could use 2 of those chairs..

"5:20AM"

FUCK.
OFF.

Neil looks like Danny Dyer.

Well that was tedious. At least she's gone...

Omg Rick Stein has morphed into Jeremy Clarkson

Except that Stein is actually talking sense.

Zzzzzzzz. Amazing how much better Usma looks on You're Fired, when she (who is in the making things look good business) isn't doing her own makeup.

Kurt looks like Peter Crouch. Zee reminds me of an indeterminate Simon Pegg character. The posh one is really fucking irritating.

Next up: comedy racism ep.

low life tactic to take the person who'd been in the bottom 3 past few weeks. if sugar had any decency about him he'd have clocked that and fired the amoral toad who brought her in. (sure she didn't really deserve to be in the series anymore but good god how i despise those two guys)

this is tonight

BBC messing around with the scheduling already? What's on tomorrow, football or something?

Nothing, as far as the schedule shows. Unless Constable Gappy's new nursing drama is normally Monday night fare and has been bumped by the BH so gets Wednesday because it's better than Tuesday?

nothing i could see (Waterloo road, frankie). maybe the last week (or two) was the anomaly... xp

Nurse Gappy's usually on on Thursday, I think, might all be to fit in this month's Crimewatch?

No, after the first double episode week Dara said on YF that Weds was the proper night. xp

Oh wait, are Englandshire playing football on Wednesday? Perhaps BBC decided Nurse Gappy was better up against that, since less of a crossover audience.

No soccerball but something called 'Frankie' on BBC1 tomorrow and on BBC we're 'treated' to the return of Beady Eye on Jool Holland.

Soccerball is on ITV in England I assume, because we've got a shite film on STV.

Frankie = nursing drama starring Gap-toothed Gwen from Torchwood, something for the ladeez while the boys watch soccerball.

I dunno if that's the actual reason, just guessing.

Ah here we are: Eng vs ROI on ITV1 (gawd ITV's website is a mess)

Dubai: full of wankers, so what's a dozen more?

LIST OF EIGHT ITEMS
(...)
THIS IS A PAGE WITH WORDS ON IT

12cms in a foot...

also, an oud is a musical instrument.

http://boomkat.com/vinyl/311595-keith-fullerton-whitman-variations-for-oud-synthesizer

*SPOILERS*

Oud is also very expensive perfume.

Very expensive if it costs them the task.

wasn't the purfume 'oudh' with an h? and not mahogany or standard size...

http://beauty.about.com/od/fragranc1/a/What-is-Oud.htm
Made from mouldy wood, but not mahogany.

but the arabic spelling has an h...

"(in Arabian ‘oudh’)"

"Napoleon never got fired from Phones 4 U'

Next episode see Alex looking like Carlos the Jackal.

xp there's an 'Arabian Oud' shop opposite Selfridges and it's all about the agarwood oil there, but the logo is in the shape of the instrument!

Yeah, they went into a branch of that in the mall in Dubai. I can actually see how Zee was confused, he'd be aware of the store and its association with perfume, no?

Leah was really annoying in that boardroom ("I'd be better, I'd be better, here are zero examples of how I'd be better"). Zee was crap though. Too many candidates to single folk out still - weird how it was all "Natalie was in the background, what did Natalie contribue" when, for example, I don't think I saw Francesca do anything all task either.

only halfway likeable person in this is the halfwit welsh dracula guy. his line about not needing viagra because he's from wales was A+.

wonder if there's more to the 'zee hates women' accusations flying about at the end? doesn't seem overtly sexist and a fair bit more likeable than those two loathsome guys (scouse & loach). leah was a terrible teammate, constantly undermining zee. (gona stop doing this post-match analysis actually, it's just dumbo lols innit)

but yeah *sharp intake of breath* when pathetic posh guy was talking to dubai folk in a cod-arabic accent.

been long-meaning to set up a tumblr of alan sugar's top bants:

[talking about palm trees]
"so did the shop assistant help or did she... palm you off?"

[after kurt mixed up inches and cm]
"miles... or kilometres as kurt would call you"

and oh so many many more

similarly, also love it when one contestant gets so caught up in the task that he/she just can't let it alone, even when it's over. eg winning team are celebrating after say, winning at a perfume task, and our truly un-fun hero will raises his glass and say

"ahh, the sweet smell of success!"

and everyone will laugh heartily

but yeah *sharp intake of breath* when pathetic posh guy was talking to dubai folk in a cod-arabic accent.

Oh, that was awful. There's always one, I sort of suspected it might be him. Eyebrows Alex seems the best of a bad bunch, yes (watch him crash and burn next week, my seal of approval is always the heralding cry of some major jizzwaddery). I sort of think that Jordan might be OK as well, then he says something stupid and I forget that he seems quite sensible in terms of getting things done. I think he'll be like Ricky last year, he'll just creep up and win it by dint of being less of a massive fucking tool. Though the foreshadowing of Sugar letting on that he knows the business plans means the whole thing is ever more of a charade then usual.

The Miles/kilometres gag at Kurt's expense is the first time I've ever laughed at one of Sugar's jokes.

btw, they all fail for not referencing either Falconhoof from Limmy's Show or the Ood from Doctor Who as we did in our house (also, seriously, wtf sort of hotel has hooded falcons? I was totally waiting for a falcon hood to be a candle-snuffer or something, but did we establish that it really is just a hood to put on an actual real falcon?)

Oh, I just remembered the bit where one of the identitwats was walking around the souk shouting "we want an oud*, does anyone have one", and I was desperately hoping that they'd be surrounded by opportunistic market traders trying to convince them that their entire backroom full of useless shite was exactly what they were after.

* might have been the coffee pot, actually, because mega-hotels often need one individual coffee pot

Yeah, I did think the "Falcon Hood" was the 'cloche' from last year.

Anyways, the big "EH???" moment was when someone (Leah?) said "Can we pay you in advance?".. um, explain what possible situation is that a good idea.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/61/BlackGrape_GreatWhenYoureStraightYeah.jpg
"It's great when you win... yeah"

honestly believe neil is one of the top 100 most despicable living englishmen. the way he launched into his motivational speech (aka great opportunity to promote his personal brand on national tv) by referencing his dad's cancer - the giveaway was how he looked directly to camera when he said the word 'cancer' to make 100% sure they'd got it. his every move seems designed to screw over his teammates first, and promote himself second.

jordan seems like an ok sort, not utterly ruthless anyway.

could barely watch some of tonight's episode, the sumo wrestler scene + build-up was excruciating. francesca coming out with all that utter garbled nonsense about 'experiences' etc. really tough going

Don't understand how Francesca didn't get the boot after Sugar going "if you bring someone in for the wrong reason you WILL be fired" then her utterly failing to justify her reasons for bringing Luisa in.

Reward was surely just so we could see Alex getting his eyebrows fake-waxed, yes?

Sugar certainly made the wrong choice there but he should have fired Luisa.

Ravens leave the Tower of London as Sugar arrives.

He's already giving the teams a bollocking and the task hasn't even started yet.

Leah's face is never going to sell anything to anyone. She's my least favourite this year.

oo shock