Craigslist hilarity

I guess paying to get rid of a demon just isn't economically feasible for some folks

And why pay when you can get atheists to house them in exchange for use of a hot tub and a pool table? ("House" is probably the wrong word there.)

These people are actually swingers and will believe their boarder possessed when the residents grow tired

This would be a wonderful chance to through a debauched party and blame it all on possession.

*mental note*

1600ft² - room for ladie free if you do not a picturei will answer (south Bronx)

Hi I am a 30 year old black man just out of a relationship look a fun young ladies to move in to my 2 bedroom apartment look for a ladies 18- 27 that love sex oral mean giving and receiving not ugly dude just don't want headache of a relationship so if u r drama plz keep it moving u will have your own room and bring friends male and female yes sex with me is part of u stay with me I'm 420 friendly that is the only the that will be smoked in MY Apartment plz send pic and email addresses and I will contact you if c what I like no women with kids

Posted in Rooms & Shares. Photo is of an issue of Game Informer liberally scattered with weed.

O_o

MY apartment

Well y'know, I guess props for not trying to be all sly and putting it all out there.

I seriously want to kill almost everyone on this website. People who write twelve-paragraph, Yelp-style reviews celebrating themselves and their awesomeness without ever getting around to where the place is, how much utilities are, whether the room has a window, etc. etc. are disgusting savages.

omg are you STILL looking for a place?

hahahha thanks, thanks a lot.

Finalized a place in Bushwick yesterday! The nightmare is over. Or just beginning...

Are you sick of all the cover bands out there that have terrible musicians and cannot look the part. This ad is for a cover/original band that two brothers and two more friends have formed for your enjoyment this summer. We will play any venue outdoors or indoors. We have professional sound equipment and a semiprofessional sound technician. Our band has great chemistry and absolutely no drug problems. We just like to sip beer and play rock like it used to be. We have gigged at local bars in the Waconia area, and we have a gig August 3, 2013 at Waconia lanes. Our favorite bands to cover are van halen, led zeppelin, collective soul, and the cars. However we will play whatever you want us to. Our keyboardist is a mix of Freddy mercury and billy Joel. Out lead guitar can play a pretty good angus young or jimmy page. We are all in our 20s and love to just play rock how it once was. Our bands name is Bandammit. We are on Facebook and we sell merchandise. If you have a wedding, anniversary, grad party, or you are a local bar owner and you miss the classic rock. We are it. Professional looks, sound, and attitude. We charge between $1000-$2000 a night and we will play 1-5 hours. I'm the manager/lead singer. My cell is 952-356-2190. Call after 6pm or text anytime. I will answer promptly. Lets not let the rock die here people! Available June-September weekends.

2 grand. Sure...

Could go either way - I'm gonna sit this one out 'til I see how the gig at Waconia Lanes goes. They do play rock like it used to be after all. They even sell merchandise!

We have professional sound equipment and a semiprofessional sound technician.

most underrated line imo

price dropped to $400-2000.

The kitchen photo with the shoes piled by the door must be what they mean by looking the part.

Wait this has been appended to the the original posting:

So if you like HAIRBALL BAND but don't have the $30,000 to hire them, we are similar in style and performance at a 10th of the cost! Sound too good to be true. We will audition any weeknight. We practice twice a week sometimes more. Thanks for checking us out.

Who are HAIRBALL BAND?

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Hairball/46419033175 ?

holy shit you're right http://www.hairballonline.com/

We practice twice a week sometimes more.

lmao - watch out black flag

i would totally go see hairball at "beef empire days" in garden city ks however

I'm pretty confident in saying Hairball gets nowhere even close to $30,000.

This should really be in the Lumineers thread too, but hey... (Ho! Hey!)

http://duluth.craigslist.org/muc/3831348071.html

Everyone is welcome. Girls too, especially if you're artsy-looking.

i gotta start a side business tuning people's guitars for fourteen bucks

Obviously fake but beautifully, lovingly crafted, my hat is off to Duluth.

Do you like to alt-rock? (Duluth/Superior) Hi there. My name is Mack. This is my first attempt at starting a band. Have you ever been out to one of the bars and seen the likes of Trampled by Tortoises or The Lows or The Car and Truck or The Accelerators or the Sarah Cougers or the Charles Parrs and said to yourself, "I wish I could do that!!!" Well I know I have. I know that Duluth and Superior is LOADED with musicians. But I want to start a band with people like me - people that "got the look" but not necessarily the skills to play music. Do you have a beard? If not, can you grow one? Can you rock a scarf like nobody's business?

If you're like me, you have a guitar that needs tuning. Don't worry - they Music Go Round can do that for $14.00. And my brother Curtis was in a band back in the late 80's and he gave me is old Peavy amp but the distortion channel cuts in and out. I've also got the old clarinet I played in marching band in high school. I don't exactly know how it'll fit into our sound, but we should try it anyway. "And just what will we sound like, Mack?," you ask? Have you heard of the Lumineers, or Of Monsters and Men, or the Mumford and Sons? I think Duluth needs more bands where guys wear vests and suspenders and scarves. I don't know about you, but that "Ho, Hey" song has been stuck in my head ever since the first time I heard it in the trailer for Silver Linings Playbook.

If you're interested, reply to this ad via email. Don't be shy. We can get together over a 30 pack of Stroh's and hammer this thing out. Let me know what instruments you have. I like banjos as much as the next guy, but I don't want to get dissed for beating a dead horse. Mandolins and Ukeleles and other folk instruments are more than welcome. Washboards? Sure! Horns? Bring them on! We'll probably also need a drummer. The more irascible the better. And I think our drummer should wear horn-rimmed glasses if at all possible. We'll discuss this more later on. I have connections to get us gigs at Thirsty Pagan and Beaners. And I know RT Quinlan's is in a rough part of town, but we should probably consider playing there. And Luce. That's like the launching pad for every successful Duluth band. Also, basement shows.

Everyone is welcome. Girls too, especially if you're artsy-looking. LGBT friendly. 420 friendly. No jocks.

http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/mis/3951325880.html

You Dropped Your Bible and I Saw Your Thong - m4w - 36
I was walking down the sidewalk and you, a very good looking woman from the backside, dropped what appeared to be the Holy Bible, bent to pick it up, and through no fault of my own, I saw your thong...and wow.

I know Jesus spent some time with Mary Magdalene, and likely she wore next to nothing under those sackcloths, but I have to admit, your short skirt and fluorescent pink thong were way sexier, and made me want to get to "know" you, in the Biblical sense, of course.

I'm not Christian, but if we can stick to the basic 10 Commandments and leave the Pope out of it, I think we'll be ok.

Oh, by the way, I was the very tall, tan, curly-haired, non-Christian gentleman walking behind you.
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Posting ID: 3951325880 Posted: 2013-07-22, 3:19AM EDT email to a friend

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/fuo/3920543968.html

http://i.imgur.com/ZDdaQ7e.png

I can't imagine who would want one, esp at that price, but it's kind of a neat idea.

Hahah I thought this revival was going to be about this

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/mis/3953561377.html

Oh, nice one, Ned. Deserves preserving:

Cute drunk girl repeating "you gon learn" - m4w - 28 (Union Park)

I saw you with your friends, a fierce kinda intimidating gang of goth girls, plus a scronny dude with tattoos, shouting the phrase "you gon learn," at pitchfork fest during Lil B, and I thought you were super cute but I was too shy to introduce myself. I was wearing a liturgy t shit and i noticed your liturgy tattoo. You were wearing all black with glasses and dark eyeliner. You seemed inebriated but I was also kinda fucked up lol. I overheard you saying stuff about this dude Byron Coli whom I've since googled. At first I thought you might be talking about your boyfriend tbh but now i know he's a legendary record collector/writer and I want to meet him some day - but I'll save that for another missed connection. Anyway, if you ever wanna go to a blink 182 concert with me, I'd be down to go to one with you anywhere in the country. Just let me know what city you live in and I'll look up their tour dates and get us tickets, possibly VIP spots bc I know some ppl ;-p

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7hhDINyBP0

"a scronny dude with tattoos, shouting the phrase 'you gon learn'" has serious DN potential

New DN for me!

same

Mist Connections is actually the name of my hypothetical Liturgy-esque faux black metal band

I Mist You

http://i.imgur.com/MPPHAee.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/xCgHx9P.jpg

herniate is a cool autocorrect for inherit I guess?

OH WOW

lol it seem i have comPLETEly blown up this guy's spot

UYD and a smart phone kinda got me hooked on reading these fucking things. oh, the humanity

haha thats kind of my fault sorry

well from one NWO agent to another i'm glad some ppl got to enjoy it since idk if any patriettes in the blaine area will

I am no saint by any measure, but my crimes are only criminal as a result of laws that are themselves criminal, and by that I mean drugs.

i liked that

UYD and a smart phone kinda got me hooked on reading these fucking things. oh, the humanity

i hope to god you're sending this one in

yeah i shd figure out how

"If you don't understand of believe I am crazy, stupid or on drugs - don't bother responding, you would not like me at all" is pretty unintentionally genius as well

as i said on facebook...ladies and gentlemen....anoka county