Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

what a maroon

i hate accusations of "pretentiousness" or "stuck up-edness" because it feels like people are trying to scratch away at my dignity and bring me down to their level.

or something. i think it's a vicious thing to say to someone. you should block that person, if that is possible on ok cupid idk

The guy who I met on OKC in October – and moved in with in January (yikes! but good!) – is still on OKC. Is it ok that this makes me uncomfortable? He was, still, on OKC a few weeks after we met up and were pretty much of a thing. I was like "dude 1. you are being deceptive, no one wants to click on a profile that says 'I AM IN WUV W/A LADY BUT HERE'S MY PROFILE'* and 2. this kind of makes me uncomfortable." I think my biggest past relationship mistake has been being Too Accommodating, but OTOH I hate making ultimatums, I don't want to be like 'get rid of profile FOR ME bcz I SAID SO' but but otoh maybe that's not unreasonable at all???

*which happened way too much when I was shoving all my libidinal energy into that site

that's not an unreasonable request at all, in my view. he shouldn't have a profile if you don't want him to.

There's secretly still a part of me that glamorizes being single, and living alone, and looking forward to a future of living w/my deranged and mean sister in a Grey Gardens style, god. Not to rub it in y'all singles' faces. The fact is I will always want what I can't have! As usual with feelings, the only solution is to drink and bicycle it out (not in that order).

nah thats bs

living together is a big deal!

^^^

i got a message from a gel in spain saying "nice profile, consider this a pat on the back"

:-/

if only it a were mousse compliment

move to spain

you'll be a millionaire there

Yeah, keeping his profile up is wack. I generally like to start uncomfortable conversations about stuff like that with, "well, I consulted a bunch of strangers on the internet, and they agreed that I am right." xpost

Also, this just in: Well, anyway you have a great pair of tits. If you wanna be stuck-up, then oh well...

Dude is clearly a master manipulator.

now-wife made me delete mine when we were living together - hadn't visited it since before we were an item (as I was able to demonstrate) but yeah, damn thing had to go (fair enough), corny whimsical write-up that I was irrationally proud of and all

Dude is clearly a master manipulator.

― You can fondle the cube but it will not respond. (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Monday, May 13, 2013 9:58 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

irl lol at this

crabbits, it's really easy to just 'disable' the profile without deleting it - he can bring it back any time in the future if he wants to. might be a good middle road for him to take. but yeah, keeping it up while he's in a relationship w/ you is totally wrongheaded.

but OTOH I hate making ultimatums, I don't want to be like 'get rid of profile FOR ME bcz I SAID SO' but but otoh maybe that's not unreasonable at all???

This is really hard for me too, historically I can be made to stifle my own discomfort by any old poor facsimile of an argument from someone I care about/want to believe I can make it work with. The thing is, "making it work" is not your responsibility--getting what you need IS. You are uncomfortable with his online dating profile when you LIVE TOGETHER, this is eminently reasonable imo. Ultimatums: I'm kind of coming around to them.

Begin as you mean to go on, as estela is fond of saying.

there is a subset of OKC users who actually use it as a social site, spending time in the forums and chatting with folks... I've encountered a few of them. but clearly you'll know if he's using it like that if you're living together. outside of that behavior, I wouldn't be comfortable with that situation at all.

forums?

http://www.okcupid.com/forum

Are "perfect" guys online getting all dates or is it female failure to grasp reality by Chaeddd posted

oh hail no

I like the notion that there are perfect men and perfect women getting all the dates, forming noble couples and dining on rooftops and being given hotel suites. and we are doomed to love them, our relationships being crude approximations using dirt cakes and flowers made from potato peels.

Which way do you face in the shower?
On Force-Fields, Or Rather, Fields Of Force
Where's The Common People's Music?
SEEKING ASIAN FEMALE?
What do you hate about toilet seats?
cant believe i have to pay to search for fatties
Vampire Paedophiles
Mean girls are sexy

u know what, fuck those toilet seats

i keep starting these promising conversations with attractive people, and then realizing that i don't actually have enough time or interest to be trying to 'date' somebody from scratch right now. and i wind up just not-responding when it gets to the 'so where do you want to meet up?' portion

Yeah, that's kinda me too. I've been busy with other things lately and have spent almost no time on the site, and paradoxically have gotten way more people interested in meeting me than when I was actively messaging people. I've met a few of these people with the idea that if I meet someone amazing, I'll pursue it further, but honestly I'm just being unfair to anyone I meet because I'm not the type that's gonna think someone is amazing from one date. Maybe I need to finally deactivate the ol' profile.

I don't know why I said paradoxically. There's no paradox there.

Hi Crabbbits, nice to see you around - seems like it's been a while.

I'm wondering if this guy answered the question about whether it's okay to maintain an active OKC profile while in a LTR.

When I see people answer that it's okay to do that, I feel like I'm some kind of jealous monster.

Yeh, I would say it was a bit odd to maintain a profile on a dating site when you're in a committed relationship. Ultimatums suck, but if someone isn't hearing you when you voice your concerns, then they may be the only way to go. Crabbits deserves only the best.

Also, further to the conversation upthread, even I sometimes get confused by the emil.y/emilys. thing. "I don't remember posting that? Oh, wait, no..." I don't mind though, the emily sistren must be united.

yall confuse the hell out of me

Don't give up hope everyone http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2325450/Painting-premonition-Artist-31-creates-oil-painting-perfect-man--marries-spitting-image-years-later.html

I'm gonna meet a lot of cartoon cats in the next ten years.

irl lol

damn i just did that thing where i saw a picture and sighed, i think that means i should message one last person before shutting this shit down.

ie the one i spontaneously sighed at

Twice now the system has sent me an email saying that someone I rated highly to had also rated me--when that happens, it matches you up? Both times I have waited a while and then emailed the dudes, and both times they haven't written back. LOOK, YOU STARRED ME, OKAY?

yeah i've had that happen a couple times, very strange

bear in mind one strategy is to five-star every single person you see just to see who stars you back.

People, man. They're terrible.

http://gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net/8019B6/data.tumblr.com/4598efa4562dbfba05567117769a4dfa/tumblr_mfd60rtMW81ritbuto1_500.gif

http://gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net/8019B6/data.tumblr.com/ecdae99ffc4bb9fabdbb13f9b06d9fc3/tumblr_mfd60rtMW81ritbuto2_500.gif

does OKC set you up with the expectation that people you rate will msg you? if i were on it i'd probably just rate a million profiles out of boredom

i think that's somewhat common--the rating out of boredom.

ime if you and a match both rate each other highly you get an automessage that says 'you rated each other highly, go say hi!'

that creates a weird thing sometimes.

yeah and if you're doing it in the quickmatch" mode, you dont get to see their whole profile, and once you DO get to see their whole profile, maybe theres something thats a turn-off

bamf

No, you can actually scroll down and see the profile in quickmatch mode. xpost

yes but not their "details" (height, religion, diet stuff etc) or their "you should message me if" essay

in quickmatch you can skip the profile (or rate it 3* or something) and then when it says something like 'oh are you sure?' you can click on their profile. I think? I've deactivated my account now. okc's worked out pretty well for me.

If they look promising I always skip, then on the next screen click on the little icon of the person you just viewed.

sure, i'm just attempting to explain how a casual user could rate someone highly in quickmatch and then not give a shit about getting in touch with them once the site notified it was a mutual attraction