'm still chickening out on the "just message somebody you have something in common with" scattergun approach
i know you know this, but this approach is no good! the whole point of the site, i think, is to facilitate setting up a first encounter irl, everything else is just noise
― 乒乓, Sunday, 12 May 2013 19:41 (ten years ago) link
yeah that's what i thought, so i try to be honest and think "what kind of person would i really get on with?" but then i feel like i'm being unnecessarily picky or self-centred when really for it to work i guess you have to be honest with yrself. bottom line is this wd all probably be a lot easier if i was 34 than 44 so i shd probly try something else.
― Koné 2013 (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 12 May 2013 19:44 (ten years ago) link
well it's also impossible to tell what the other person is gonna be like from a profile
― 乒乓, Sunday, 12 May 2013 19:47 (ten years ago) link
i know right?
arrrgh i'm such a ditherer
― Koné 2013 (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 12 May 2013 19:49 (ten years ago) link
yeah - just don't put too much stock into the website, don't put so much significance into it - it'll be easier to proceed if you're not thinking "IS SHE THE ONE???' with every new profile you look at
― 乒乓, Sunday, 12 May 2013 19:51 (ten years ago) link
yeah it wasn't like looking for The One but looking for anybody who might be interesting/interested in a date. that's another thing that makes dating sites seem too much like work i think
― Koné 2013 (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 12 May 2013 20:08 (ten years ago) link
Some guy on OKC sent me two messages to which I did not reply. He sent me a third telling me to not be "stuck up."
― emilys., Sunday, 12 May 2013 23:53 (ten years ago) link
what a maroon
― mookieproof, Monday, 13 May 2013 00:05 (ten years ago) link
i hate accusations of "pretentiousness" or "stuck up-edness" because it feels like people are trying to scratch away at my dignity and bring me down to their level.
― Treeship, Monday, 13 May 2013 00:12 (ten years ago) link
or something. i think it's a vicious thing to say to someone. you should block that person, if that is possible on ok cupid idk
The guy who I met on OKC in October – and moved in with in January (yikes! but good!) – is still on OKC. Is it ok that this makes me uncomfortable? He was, still, on OKC a few weeks after we met up and were pretty much of a thing. I was like "dude 1. you are being deceptive, no one wants to click on a profile that says 'I AM IN WUV W/A LADY BUT HERE'S MY PROFILE'* and 2. this kind of makes me uncomfortable." I think my biggest past relationship mistake has been being Too Accommodating, but OTOH I hate making ultimatums, I don't want to be like 'get rid of profile FOR ME bcz I SAID SO' but but otoh maybe that's not unreasonable at all???
*which happened way too much when I was shoving all my libidinal energy into that site
― I wish every slot machine had EAT THE RICH printed on it (Crabbits), Monday, 13 May 2013 03:01 (ten years ago) link
that's not an unreasonable request at all, in my view. he shouldn't have a profile if you don't want him to.
― Treeship, Monday, 13 May 2013 03:03 (ten years ago) link
There's secretly still a part of me that glamorizes being single, and living alone, and looking forward to a future of living w/my deranged and mean sister in a Grey Gardens style, god. Not to rub it in y'all singles' faces. The fact is I will always want what I can't have! As usual with feelings, the only solution is to drink and bicycle it out (not in that order).
― I wish every slot machine had EAT THE RICH printed on it (Crabbits), Monday, 13 May 2013 03:04 (ten years ago) link
nah thats bs
living together is a big deal!
― mookieproof, Monday, 13 May 2013 03:25 (ten years ago) link
^^^
― ljubljana, Monday, 13 May 2013 03:40 (ten years ago) link
i got a message from a gel in spain saying "nice profile, consider this a pat on the back"
:-/
― gr8080, Monday, 13 May 2013 03:48 (ten years ago) link
if only it a were mousse compliment
― Nhex, Monday, 13 May 2013 04:08 (ten years ago) link
move to spain
― iatee, Monday, 13 May 2013 04:10 (ten years ago) link
you'll be a millionaire there
― j., Monday, 13 May 2013 04:33 (ten years ago) link
Yeah, keeping his profile up is wack. I generally like to start uncomfortable conversations about stuff like that with, "well, I consulted a bunch of strangers on the internet, and they agreed that I am right." xpost
Also, this just in: Well, anyway you have a great pair of tits. If you wanna be stuck-up, then oh well...
― emilys., Monday, 13 May 2013 08:17 (ten years ago) link
Dude is clearly a master manipulator.
― You can fondle the cube but it will not respond. (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Monday, 13 May 2013 09:58 (ten years ago) link
now-wife made me delete mine when we were living together - hadn't visited it since before we were an item (as I was able to demonstrate) but yeah, damn thing had to go (fair enough), corny whimsical write-up that I was irrationally proud of and all
― have a nice Blog (imago), Monday, 13 May 2013 10:05 (ten years ago) link
Dude is clearly a master manipulator.― You can fondle the cube but it will not respond. (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Monday, May 13, 2013 9:58 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― You can fondle the cube but it will not respond. (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Monday, May 13, 2013 9:58 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
irl lol at this
― scintilla (seandalai), Monday, 13 May 2013 11:30 (ten years ago) link
crabbits, it's really easy to just 'disable' the profile without deleting it - he can bring it back any time in the future if he wants to. might be a good middle road for him to take. but yeah, keeping it up while he's in a relationship w/ you is totally wrongheaded.
― 乒乓, Monday, 13 May 2013 11:49 (ten years ago) link
but OTOH I hate making ultimatums, I don't want to be like 'get rid of profile FOR ME bcz I SAID SO' but but otoh maybe that's not unreasonable at all???
This is really hard for me too, historically I can be made to stifle my own discomfort by any old poor facsimile of an argument from someone I care about/want to believe I can make it work with. The thing is, "making it work" is not your responsibility--getting what you need IS. You are uncomfortable with his online dating profile when you LIVE TOGETHER, this is eminently reasonable imo. Ultimatums: I'm kind of coming around to them.
― lets just remember to blame the patriarchy for (in orbit), Monday, 13 May 2013 11:54 (ten years ago) link
Begin as you mean to go on, as estela is fond of saying.
― lets just remember to blame the patriarchy for (in orbit), Monday, 13 May 2013 12:10 (ten years ago) link
there is a subset of OKC users who actually use it as a social site, spending time in the forums and chatting with folks... I've encountered a few of them. but clearly you'll know if he's using it like that if you're living together. outside of that behavior, I wouldn't be comfortable with that situation at all.
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Monday, 13 May 2013 13:57 (ten years ago) link
forums?
― goole, Monday, 13 May 2013 13:58 (ten years ago) link
http://www.okcupid.com/forum
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Monday, 13 May 2013 14:00 (ten years ago) link
Are "perfect" guys online getting all dates or is it female failure to grasp reality by Chaeddd posted
oh hail no
― goole, Monday, 13 May 2013 14:01 (ten years ago) link
I like the notion that there are perfect men and perfect women getting all the dates, forming noble couples and dining on rooftops and being given hotel suites. and we are doomed to love them, our relationships being crude approximations using dirt cakes and flowers made from potato peels.
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Monday, 13 May 2013 14:05 (ten years ago) link
Which way do you face in the shower?On Force-Fields, Or Rather, Fields Of ForceWhere's The Common People's Music?SEEKING ASIAN FEMALE?What do you hate about toilet seats? cant believe i have to pay to search for fatties Vampire PaedophilesMean girls are sexy
― scintilla (seandalai), Monday, 13 May 2013 14:29 (ten years ago) link
u know what, fuck those toilet seats
― Nhex, Monday, 13 May 2013 14:30 (ten years ago) link
i keep starting these promising conversations with attractive people, and then realizing that i don't actually have enough time or interest to be trying to 'date' somebody from scratch right now. and i wind up just not-responding when it gets to the 'so where do you want to meet up?' portion
Yeah, that's kinda me too. I've been busy with other things lately and have spent almost no time on the site, and paradoxically have gotten way more people interested in meeting me than when I was actively messaging people. I've met a few of these people with the idea that if I meet someone amazing, I'll pursue it further, but honestly I'm just being unfair to anyone I meet because I'm not the type that's gonna think someone is amazing from one date. Maybe I need to finally deactivate the ol' profile.
― Vinnie, Monday, 13 May 2013 14:49 (ten years ago) link
I don't know why I said paradoxically. There's no paradox there.
― Vinnie, Monday, 13 May 2013 14:50 (ten years ago) link
Hi Crabbbits, nice to see you around - seems like it's been a while.
I'm wondering if this guy answered the question about whether it's okay to maintain an active OKC profile while in a LTR.
When I see people answer that it's okay to do that, I feel like I'm some kind of jealous monster.
― Je55e, Monday, 13 May 2013 16:03 (ten years ago) link
Yeh, I would say it was a bit odd to maintain a profile on a dating site when you're in a committed relationship. Ultimatums suck, but if someone isn't hearing you when you voice your concerns, then they may be the only way to go. Crabbits deserves only the best.
Also, further to the conversation upthread, even I sometimes get confused by the emil.y/emilys. thing. "I don't remember posting that? Oh, wait, no..." I don't mind though, the emily sistren must be united.
― emil.y, Monday, 13 May 2013 17:06 (ten years ago) link
yall confuse the hell out of me
― Nhex, Monday, 13 May 2013 17:49 (ten years ago) link
Don't give up hope everyone http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2325450/Painting-premonition-Artist-31-creates-oil-painting-perfect-man--marries-spitting-image-years-later.html
― 乒乓, Thursday, 16 May 2013 20:53 (ten years ago) link
I'm gonna meet a lot of cartoon cats in the next ten years.
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Thursday, 16 May 2013 21:18 (ten years ago) link
irl lol
― ljubljana, Thursday, 16 May 2013 21:21 (ten years ago) link
damn i just did that thing where i saw a picture and sighed, i think that means i should message one last person before shutting this shit down.
― steening in your HOOSless carriage (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 02:52 (ten years ago) link
ie the one i spontaneously sighed at
Twice now the system has sent me an email saying that someone I rated highly to had also rated me--when that happens, it matches you up? Both times I have waited a while and then emailed the dudes, and both times they haven't written back. LOOK, YOU STARRED ME, OKAY?
― lets just remember to blame the patriarchy for (in orbit), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 03:01 (ten years ago) link
yeah i've had that happen a couple times, very strange
― steening in your HOOSless carriage (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 03:05 (ten years ago) link
bear in mind one strategy is to five-star every single person you see just to see who stars you back.
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 04:07 (ten years ago) link
People, man. They're terrible.
― lets just remember to blame the patriarchy for (in orbit), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 04:08 (ten years ago) link
http://gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net/8019B6/data.tumblr.com/4598efa4562dbfba05567117769a4dfa/tumblr_mfd60rtMW81ritbuto1_500.gif
http://gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net/8019B6/data.tumblr.com/ecdae99ffc4bb9fabdbb13f9b06d9fc3/tumblr_mfd60rtMW81ritbuto2_500.gif
― mookieproof, Tuesday, 21 May 2013 04:14 (ten years ago) link
does OKC set you up with the expectation that people you rate will msg you? if i were on it i'd probably just rate a million profiles out of boredom
― Nhex, Tuesday, 21 May 2013 04:16 (ten years ago) link
i think that's somewhat common--the rating out of boredom.
ime if you and a match both rate each other highly you get an automessage that says 'you rated each other highly, go say hi!'
that creates a weird thing sometimes.
― steening in your HOOSless carriage (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 04:22 (ten years ago) link