Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

two of my three best relationships ever were with women who were not at all my type, and that's part of why i found them so fascinating. I found myself suddenly caring about all sorts of things i never dreamed i'd ever give a crap about.

to quote papa roach, "life's not fair"

― markers, Friday, May 10, 2013 10:49 PM (44 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

my mans

Papa Roach aka "The Bard"

i must be one of the only people here who just basically doesn't do the dating thing

weird how all these ppl on a dating thread are talking about dating, yeah

i need to remove myself from okc. i keep starting these promising conversations with attractive people, and then realizing that i don't actually have enough time or interest to be trying to 'date' somebody from scratch right now. and i wind up just not-responding when it gets to the 'so where do you want to meet up?' portion. so much easier/more dangerous to date in my social circles, and super unhelpful to see people from social circle *on okc* with high match points.

am gon' quit next week, i think.

vaya con dios, steendriver

have def passed through some '6'0+ only please :)' profiles

this is probably the main reason i ever got messages tbh (before i turned it off)

if i've got my search set to "within 100km of me" and almost every Quiver suggestion i get is well over 100km away, does that mean i'm basically wasting my time?

how many questions have you answered? what are the match %s like for people w/i 100 km of you

i'm about 330 questions now. most "Match & Distance" searches are less than 70 percent. i dunno, there just seem to be very few people in my datable vicinity.

well that sucks

you could maybe try other sites too? some dating websites might have larger marketshares among certain locations / demographics

yeah it's probably me as much as anybody else, i might be setting my sights too narrow and it's probably just not an ideal site for people my age living where i live plus i'm still chickening out on the "just message somebody you have something in common with" scattergun approach

at heart i don't feel dead comfortable with it as a process, keep going back more because of the unlikelihood of meeting new people between home and work and need to keep away from pubs etc

'm still chickening out on the "just message somebody you have something in common with" scattergun approach

i know you know this, but this approach is no good! the whole point of the site, i think, is to facilitate setting up a first encounter irl, everything else is just noise

yeah that's what i thought, so i try to be honest and think "what kind of person would i really get on with?" but then i feel like i'm being unnecessarily picky or self-centred when really for it to work i guess you have to be honest with yrself. bottom line is this wd all probably be a lot easier if i was 34 than 44 so i shd probly try something else.

well it's also impossible to tell what the other person is gonna be like from a profile

i know right?

arrrgh i'm such a ditherer

yeah - just don't put too much stock into the website, don't put so much significance into it - it'll be easier to proceed if you're not thinking "IS SHE THE ONE???' with every new profile you look at

yeah it wasn't like looking for The One but looking for anybody who might be interesting/interested in a date. that's another thing that makes dating sites seem too much like work i think

Some guy on OKC sent me two messages to which I did not reply. He sent me a third telling me to not be "stuck up."

what a maroon

i hate accusations of "pretentiousness" or "stuck up-edness" because it feels like people are trying to scratch away at my dignity and bring me down to their level.

or something. i think it's a vicious thing to say to someone. you should block that person, if that is possible on ok cupid idk

The guy who I met on OKC in October – and moved in with in January (yikes! but good!) – is still on OKC. Is it ok that this makes me uncomfortable? He was, still, on OKC a few weeks after we met up and were pretty much of a thing. I was like "dude 1. you are being deceptive, no one wants to click on a profile that says 'I AM IN WUV W/A LADY BUT HERE'S MY PROFILE'* and 2. this kind of makes me uncomfortable." I think my biggest past relationship mistake has been being Too Accommodating, but OTOH I hate making ultimatums, I don't want to be like 'get rid of profile FOR ME bcz I SAID SO' but but otoh maybe that's not unreasonable at all???

*which happened way too much when I was shoving all my libidinal energy into that site

that's not an unreasonable request at all, in my view. he shouldn't have a profile if you don't want him to.

There's secretly still a part of me that glamorizes being single, and living alone, and looking forward to a future of living w/my deranged and mean sister in a Grey Gardens style, god. Not to rub it in y'all singles' faces. The fact is I will always want what I can't have! As usual with feelings, the only solution is to drink and bicycle it out (not in that order).

nah thats bs

living together is a big deal!

^^^

i got a message from a gel in spain saying "nice profile, consider this a pat on the back"

:-/

if only it a were mousse compliment

move to spain

you'll be a millionaire there

Yeah, keeping his profile up is wack. I generally like to start uncomfortable conversations about stuff like that with, "well, I consulted a bunch of strangers on the internet, and they agreed that I am right." xpost

Also, this just in: Well, anyway you have a great pair of tits. If you wanna be stuck-up, then oh well...

Dude is clearly a master manipulator.

now-wife made me delete mine when we were living together - hadn't visited it since before we were an item (as I was able to demonstrate) but yeah, damn thing had to go (fair enough), corny whimsical write-up that I was irrationally proud of and all

Dude is clearly a master manipulator.

― You can fondle the cube but it will not respond. (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Monday, May 13, 2013 9:58 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

irl lol at this

crabbits, it's really easy to just 'disable' the profile without deleting it - he can bring it back any time in the future if he wants to. might be a good middle road for him to take. but yeah, keeping it up while he's in a relationship w/ you is totally wrongheaded.

but OTOH I hate making ultimatums, I don't want to be like 'get rid of profile FOR ME bcz I SAID SO' but but otoh maybe that's not unreasonable at all???

This is really hard for me too, historically I can be made to stifle my own discomfort by any old poor facsimile of an argument from someone I care about/want to believe I can make it work with. The thing is, "making it work" is not your responsibility--getting what you need IS. You are uncomfortable with his online dating profile when you LIVE TOGETHER, this is eminently reasonable imo. Ultimatums: I'm kind of coming around to them.

Begin as you mean to go on, as estela is fond of saying.

there is a subset of OKC users who actually use it as a social site, spending time in the forums and chatting with folks... I've encountered a few of them. but clearly you'll know if he's using it like that if you're living together. outside of that behavior, I wouldn't be comfortable with that situation at all.

forums?

http://www.okcupid.com/forum

Are "perfect" guys online getting all dates or is it female failure to grasp reality by Chaeddd posted

oh hail no

I like the notion that there are perfect men and perfect women getting all the dates, forming noble couples and dining on rooftops and being given hotel suites. and we are doomed to love them, our relationships being crude approximations using dirt cakes and flowers made from potato peels.

Which way do you face in the shower?
On Force-Fields, Or Rather, Fields Of Force
Where's The Common People's Music?
SEEKING ASIAN FEMALE?
What do you hate about toilet seats?
cant believe i have to pay to search for fatties
Vampire Paedophiles
Mean girls are sexy

u know what, fuck those toilet seats

i keep starting these promising conversations with attractive people, and then realizing that i don't actually have enough time or interest to be trying to 'date' somebody from scratch right now. and i wind up just not-responding when it gets to the 'so where do you want to meet up?' portion

Yeah, that's kinda me too. I've been busy with other things lately and have spent almost no time on the site, and paradoxically have gotten way more people interested in meeting me than when I was actively messaging people. I've met a few of these people with the idea that if I meet someone amazing, I'll pursue it further, but honestly I'm just being unfair to anyone I meet because I'm not the type that's gonna think someone is amazing from one date. Maybe I need to finally deactivate the ol' profile.

I don't know why I said paradoxically. There's no paradox there.

Hi Crabbbits, nice to see you around - seems like it's been a while.

I'm wondering if this guy answered the question about whether it's okay to maintain an active OKC profile while in a LTR.

When I see people answer that it's okay to do that, I feel like I'm some kind of jealous monster.