Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"Fuck what God says. I'm running this ship."

"Giraffes, muthafukkaz!!"

"i wish new yorker cartton captions could just be a glance, a gesture, a shifting of hands... punchlines are too direct. they don't penetrate the heart of the image, or the reality it discloses and at the same time conceals."

^ this is a caption

"you remembered the giraffes alright but what about the beer?"

God, I'm so sick of this Gir-Raffi tape.

"Giraffes, muthafukkaz!!"

this is killing me

"oh you said GI-ant RAFT"

"Because I got high."

"I'm not planning to go anywhere particular, it's the voyage that matters"

"YOLO!"

"I thought you'd like it."

"Emzara.... Will you marry me?"

"We're never gonna survive unless we get a little... crazy."

'You know that when we get back to the boardroom Lord Sugar's going to be all "this is a bleedin' shambles", right?'

"and they said zoos were exploitative."

"Think about it, we'll be the sole supplier in all of Waterworld!"

"This mash up of 'Speed 2' and 'Ace Ventura' isn't working out."

"The way my back is these days, ease of milking was paramount"

"Naaah, everyone'sdoing alpacas now, we're way ahead of the curve on this"

DJP's still wins, but "union" is great too

"There are few things more humiliating than being held hostage by giraffes."

Venn Gott asked me if I vanted giraffes I told him, "nein!"

You remember the "two people in a large nest" one?

"It's only fair. He has a man cave."
"I come here to brood."
"After the kids moved out, the tree house was just too big."

Nothing about "bough house" or similar...

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/05/20/p465/130520_contest_p465.jpg

"Fancy a shag?"

"Where do you buy your nappies diapers?"

"mine's funner to watch on the way down"

To avoid bbc staff"

Big balls mate, but you should see my Castor and Pollux - they're a right handful.

"Rock? Like Rock Hudson? How adorable."

"Sisyphus? You just met us"

"Just because your baby's fat, it doesn't mean you're a bad parent. It's just karma."

"If you think pushing this rock is hard, wait until you get to the glass ceiling."

"It's just up here on the right. By the way, our religion forbids tipping, I hope that's OK?"

"You got your kids into rock so they could get into rock school? How clever!"

"...So I said to my hairdresser, he's called Harry, by the way, I said, YOU BIG SISSY!"

"Don't make such a fuss, sissy."

"I know a Limp Bizkit song about that"

"You must have done something really messed up, lady"

"Mostly I enjoy the cardio."

"I guess it's Tantalos's turn to cook tonight"

This week's Jumble solution is "You think that's hard, try "RAISING" kids!"

"Wait'll you have two"

"Priced out of Park Slope too, huh?"

"How's the giant cock & balls sculpture going?"

The three chonsen for the "giraffes in the ark" one:

*"I wouldn't say 'favorite' animal."
*"Mistakes were made."
*"I have trouble saying no."

OK, this means that you lot are not entering any of your captions on the site. These are rub to the point of boring.

• like this?

ahem:

The three chonsen for the "giraffes in the ark" one:

• "I wouldn't say 'favorite' animal."
• "Mistakes were made."
• "I have trouble saying no."

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/05/27/p465/130527_contest_p465.jpg

"I don't care if you did it with The Beatles in Rishikesh. Get on the scales."