Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

Dan ftw

"We're too late," you said. "All the animals are drowned by now," you said.

"God has his way of doing things, and I have my way of doing things."

"God is dead"

It's in case we need girrafts.

"what did you think it was going to be like living with richard branson in retirement?"

"Hold on, which one is 'cubits' and which one is 'giraffes'?"

It's ok- God told me they'll evolve into whatever

"I know what God said, but how many people get a chance to actually realize their DREAM?"

'we bought a zoo'

"do you still have a subscription to the New Yorker or do you mostly just read the content they offer for free online?"

"Do you know what planet this is, son? EARTH"

"What if...like, this is the Planet of the Giraffes and we're the rescued human pair!"

i'd expect a drowning witch to be grateful

'... other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the show?'

"I'm as surprised as you. I didn't think giraffes were carnivorous either."

"I did love you, once, but the Deluge is my life now."

(in a yiddish accent) "What can I say? I won them in the girraffle."

"Think they misread the part before 'Rides For Free' on the bumper sticker"

"Christ, what a giraffe"

Amazon insist that this was the order as received

"This is a funny looking coffee table. Did you follow the self assembly instructions correctly?"

'who is your favorite marketplace reporter? mine is chana giraffe-wolt'

"and then bitcoin plummeted, so now we do this for awhile i guess."

"I think I'm still in shock about how badly I fucked up, like I'm not really dealing with it yet, you know? Because this is terrible."

"I wish I was taller."

"what giraffes?"

"....and then I got to thinking, well, in a flood, I mean a real flood, standing on a cat or whatever aint gonna do you any good, but..."

"I'll give them this, they got a helluva union"

"I've read Leviticus- these're the only fucking things we can eat."

haha those are all great

Your last one was the most 'ilx' funny imo

"Guess those antediluvian bridge makers weren't so incompetent after all"

leviticus one + treeship's "dealing with it" + girraffle + We're too late + rabbits are all lulz.

"Look at their fuzzy little faces and then tell me you would have said no."

"I know what you're thinking. But this is really just one giant giraffe-headed hydra"

Liking pretty much all of these

"I hope you know what you're doing. We've got a whole lot of necks on the line here."

"Jehovah? I thought he said his name was Jah-Raffe"

"Look, it's a small ark, and there's a surprising abundance of giraffe species. Priorities had to be set."

"So this is what happens when you get me drunk. I wonder what happens the next time."

along those lines

"Well that must have been some bachelor party. I imagine it will take us up until the wedding to piece together the sequence of events last night that led to this incongruous situation."

"Every ship has girats."

Union joke is excellent

"Act natural; there's a low bridge coming up fast."

"I'm not good at this job."

"Fuck what God says. What's he gonna do, fire me?"

"Fuck what God says. I'm running this ship."

"Giraffes, muthafukkaz!!"

"i wish new yorker cartton captions could just be a glance, a gesture, a shifting of hands... punchlines are too direct. they don't penetrate the heart of the image, or the reality it discloses and at the same time conceals."

^ this is a caption