I'mma lay your LOLs on the dresser and EXCELSIOR them shits with a spiked bat!

In the '70s, Robert Plant was a golden god...imagine if he'd had a tip jar!

He sort of did, but it was not a "jar," if you get my drift.

― Josh in Chicago, Monday, April 29, 2013 10:55 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

also wasn't just the tip

― Call me at **BITCOIN (DJP), Monday, April 29, 2013 10:55 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i had a dream last nite that i was selected to do the warmup dj set for daft punk's premiere live performance of Random Access Memories material and i was super nervous but spent a lot of time preparing and did an adequate job

then when daft punk took the stage it was a total disaster, like a real life "shreds" video. they got so embarrassed they tried to do "one more time" instead but that was a disaster too and they were booed off the stage

then i got home to my computer to see that instead of posting the next "the creators project" video they accidentally uploaded a video of george clinton high on crack instead

i woke up very anxious for daft punk

― ְ֮֠֓֟֬֩ (gr8080), Tuesday, April 30, 2013 12:47 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol poor gr8080

amazing.

THE STOOGES
PROFESSOR OF DESIRE
2LP CD DIGITAL

― daft on the causes of punk (schlump), Monday, April 29, 2013 8:28 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

This is?

― Hinklepicker, Monday, April 29, 2013 8:30 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

well clearly the stooges thread is not ready for my sweet philip roth analogies

― daft on the causes of punk (schlump), Monday, April 29, 2013 9:00 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

NEXT WEEK'S STORY

There is a toilet roll thief at large at Baselricky Town Hall, distracting Gerald and his Health and Safety team from a vital investigation into the safety of playground swings.

we could play bingo with this

― mistah WRIGHT! WHAT you doin'? (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 1 May 2013 03:33 (6 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

fucking a toilet*
fucking a toilet roll*
having trouble with the toilet's flush mechanism
putting his foot into the toilet bowl in order to operate the toilet's flush mechanism
being drenched by the toilet's flush mechanism which never seems to work properly am i right punters
being unable to open the cubicle door because cubicle locks are always broken am i right punters thatcher's britain
fucking the toilet door to get it open because the lock is broken/the door got stuck somehow*
the toilet roll thief hiding the toilet roll down his trousers so it sort of looks like an erection
fucking a playground swing*
copping a playground swing in the testicles
sitting on a playground swing and doing something innocuous that results in an orgasm face*
fucking the big metal frame that holds the playground swing*
fucking the playground merry-go-round*
fucking the playground helter skelter*
middle england annoyance at someone who has parked illegally at the playground
a whiteboard acronym gag that spells 'L-I-C-K M-Y A-R-S-E'
wright's daughter's girlfriend making a friendfeed reference
annoyance at, i dunno, not knowing whether to press 0 before sending a fax

* potential feedlines for missus johnson the jamaican cleaner

― mistah WRIGHT! WHAT you doin'? (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 1 May 2013 03:46 (5 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Character is even more important than situation in comedy and Gerald certainly is a character. If I'm honest, there's a bit of me in the character (at least my wife says there is). I've certainly been known to sneak in after she's loaded the dishwasher and secretly re-load it to my own satisfaction!

― mistah WRIGHT! WHAT you doin'? (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 1 May 2013 21:39 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

bet she laughs like a drain when you fuck the rubbish bin

― mistah WRIGHT! WHAT you doin'? (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 1 May 2013 21:40 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Needs thread context imo but AA is having a captain's innings on that whole thing for real

guns or butter? you have to dress up as one and beat a pig to death

― have a nice Blog (imago), Thursday, May 2, 2013 2:19 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

we need the whole list, imago on fire

crimson hexagain, would you rather have to have sex with a dog or a cat if there was a man pointing a gun at a child telling you to

would you rather there was an earthquake or a toxic chemical plant leakage in your town

would you rather lose your genitalia or your eyes

or have their positions swapped but their faculties retained

would you rather be caught masturbating by your surviving grandparents or commit clandestine incest

guns or butter? you have to dress up as one and beat a pig to death

the death penalty is disgusting

― rock 'em sock 'em (Treeship), Thursday, 2 May 2013 02:34 (19 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hi Treeship

― veryupsetmom (harbl), Thursday, 2 May 2013 02:47 (19 hours ago) Bookmark

frogbs, it is an interesting question because you put your moral compass into a real-life situation. It is like putting your ideology/ideals/beliefs to the test.

There are all sorts of information you can take out and know about yourself from answering this question. It is quite nice.

But to put it bluntly, there are three major answers, I know we have philosophy PhDs here so I'll let them elaborate, but the most common answer is the utilitarian perspective (essentially, "it is the greatest happiness of the greatest number that is the measure of right and wrong").

The result is not the interesting part, it is the explanation -- the "why".

― c21m50nh3x460n, Thursday, 2 May 2013 22:43 (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you have to give 100 handjobs to one child molestor or 1 handjob to 100 child molestors

― have a nice Blog (imago), Thursday, 2 May 2013 22:47 (26 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the girth of far too much asshole flesh

^ one of my favourite mcdonalds campaigns

― dschinghis kraan (NickB), Thursday, May 2, 2013 2:41 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'm... lovin' it?

― far too much asshole flesh (DJP), Thursday, May 2, 2013 2:41 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

back that azz up was the last rap video that featured nonprofessional video girls in highwaisted shorts and floral print sun dresses in the style of every pre-2002 south rap video

― dylannn, Thursday, May 2, 2013 11:54 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

baggy highwasted denim shorts, denim blouse and matching hairband
fish eye lens

picture me year 2000 trying to bust a nut to that
before it cut back to aj & free in the studio

― dylannn, Thursday, May 2, 2013 11:58 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

trying to catch "back that azz up" and/or "pull over" on the box w/o my mom walking in the room was def a daily struggle

also trying to telepathically communicate to my mom that female asses don't turn me on and i was just in it for the cinematography

― J0rdan S., Thursday, May 2, 2013 11:59 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hahaha

― 'scuse me while i make the sky cum (k3vin k.), Friday, May 3, 2013 12:01 AM (18 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i mean, a juvie video wasn't my first choice, don't get me wrong

― dylannn, Friday, May 3, 2013 12:06 AM (18 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i owe a lifetime of premature ejaculation to trying to squeeze off to "bootylicious" on postschool afternoons

― dylannn, Friday, May 3, 2013 12:08 AM (18 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

was not ready for that jelly

Phillip French, the film critic has retired.

dylannn runnin tings itt

seriously? Beyonce and Andre 3K make a half assed cover of a key amy winehouse track and ilx has no opinion?

― brb buying poppers w/my employee discount (forksclovetofu), Saturday, May 4, 2013 6:47 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

We talked about it on the great gays by soundtrack thread

― Fred by Durst (The Reverend), Saturday, May 4, 2013 8:05 PM (20 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Omglol at autocorrect

― Fred by Durst (The Reverend), Saturday, May 4, 2013 8:05 PM (20 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this whole thread:

Come Up With The Most Obnoxious Band Name Possible

Porn actresses need a competent union, really. I mean, could you imagine a porn strike?
― Van Horn Street

Nothing to lose but yr daisy chains
― al leong the watchtower (darraghmac)

this whole thread:

Come Up With The Most Obnoxious Band Name Possible

― huun huurt 2 (Hurting 2), Saturday, May 4, 2013 8:59 PM (27 minutes ago) Bookmark

i haven't opened this thread but there's no way its not ilx at its worst

^^

i bet it's got some really sweet puns

I bet the "Pull Over" video has got some really sweet buns

+|-|3 1|\|(|23|)1|3|_3 |23/\/\@|2|<@|3|_3 $+(_)|p3/\/|)()(_)$ |3@/\/|) ()|= /\/\(_)$1(

― ohmigud (Merdeyeux), Sunday, May 5, 2013 4:44 PM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

guess you had to be there.

well I see the ilx bullying squad drove another perfectly fine poster away

― frogbs, Monday, 6 May 2013 12:14 (1 hour ago)

it was either him or the group of posters down the other set of tracks

― dylannn, Monday, 6 May 2013 12:22 (53 minutes ago)

ha!

in the as good as it gets commentary nicholson doesn't say much for a while and then there's a shot out a window of some boats and he makes a HRMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM foghorn noise. best part of as good as it gets, obviously.

― the white queen and her caustic judgments (difficult listening hour), Sunday, May 5, 2013 3:46 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

loool

I wish more commentary was like that

You can be a 'sensitive intellectual' and still be a jackass to other people fwiw

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, May 7, 2013 7:06 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

if ilx has taught us anything

― UTW, USA, ILX LIFER (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, May 7, 2013 7:10 PM (39 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Clift is buried about 2 miles from my apartment.
― ballin' from Maine to Mexico (Dr Morbius)

I hope the apartment's upwind.
― A deeper shade of lol (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn)

I don't think it's the fantasy of many men (aside from porn-induced, now) to stop sex or a blowjob in order to masturbate onto a partner - but the two alternatives are relatively unfilmable (though I was rick-rolled with a sex ed video with a camera inside the vagina that makes things altogether too real) and in one case introduce, as noted, further complications.

― Kiarostami bag (milo z), Tuesday, May 7, 2013 6:01 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Technically unless Rick Astley was dancing inside of that vagina I don't think you were rickrolled

― far too much asshole flesh (DJP), Tuesday, May 7, 2013 6:04 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

isn't the problem with imagination that it conjures up things you don't want? ex: jar-jar, for geo. lucas

― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, May 7, 2013 10:10 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

'meesa horny' surely

― Moron Tabernacle Chior (Jon Lewis), Tuesday, May 7, 2013 10:38 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol yeah i am imagining george lucas being tortured by having jar jar binks unintentionally pop up in all his sexual fantasies.

Paul Williams vid will probably show up next Monday or Tuesday, and then the week after that...THE ALBUM!

― Johnny Fever, Tuesday, May 7, 2013 10:51 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

then what

― we're up all night to get (s1ocki), Tuesday, May 7, 2013 11:59 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

then the next thing, then there'll be christmas to look forward to

― Tioc Norris (LocalGarda), Tuesday, May 7, 2013 12:02 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

and I haven't a thing bought!

― Number None, Tuesday, May 7, 2013 12:08 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

not a child washed in the house

the Voice is soon going to be a single guy in his underwear posting clickporn photo sets of sex events

― THIS IS NOT A BENGHAZI T-SHIRT (Hurting 2), Thursday, May 9, 2013 9:44 AM (10 minutes ago)

"From your mouth to God's ears," says a lurking Ben Westhoff.

― da croupier, Thursday, May 9, 2013 9:49 AM (6 minutes ago)

lol didn't see that response

Of course, there was the inevitable auto-tune. The Gregory Brothers, known for "Bed Intruder," "Double Rainbow" and other Internet-famous, Songify reworkings of Web video, crafted "Dead Giveaway" from media interviews with Ramsey.

when Mecha-Satan descends from the stars and makes it plain that he's going to incinerate us all I hope the last pitch-shifted ear-splitting words from his molten adamantium lips in the split-second before we all apprehend our immanent doom are "Of course, there was the inevitable auto-tune"

― not feeling those lighters (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Thursday, May 9, 2013 1:39 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ice

nice

baby

i saw 'when the mecha-satan' and immediately knew who was being quoted

I am part german, and may be a little british too. But I now consider myself an american, I celebrate some costomes at home. But my ancestors have long been here. But I don't care if you're part kraut, you're still a dumb fuck. And I don't blame the brits for this countries problems or my own. I was just pointing out that they are usually asexual unless they are being homosexual.

I had an english teacher that said "Don't make up things that are not in the text." But you cuntface "liberals" just bull this shit out of the air or your dariere. This thread is about the american dream, not about you useless dumb shit democrats. Of course you would want to delete this thread, as the democratic party represents being anti intellectual. Freedom of speech does not involve politcal correctness.

I gotta take a dump but when Im done you can have fun an lick that rump.

― Mike Hawk, Thursday, 13 February 2003 14:33 (10 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I should say enforcing political correctness involves no free speech. It sure involves no thinking. I think yuppies invented it and so they could try an make everyone as boring and untellectual as them.

You democrats really are insecure people. Go watch an episode of Seinfeld. You brain dead boring insecure lemmings!

I don't know of anything dumber than a liberal democrat.

― Mike Hawk, Thursday, 13 February 2003 14:43 (10 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

go watch an episode of seinfeld!

that was actually roger adultery right

it reminds me of the "piss poor" thing as something that would be part of a chain email two years ago. imagine if facebook had been around in 2001, it would be flooded with posts about wingdings predicting 9/11

― chilli

oh my god. you just wrote dan brown's next book

― infirm neophytic child (zachlyon)

Also, Chicago Fire is getting a spinoff, because Dick Wolf.

― Johnny Fever, Friday, May 10, 2013 4:10 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I keep hoping that Dick Wolf is married to a woman named Pussy Lion

― far too much asshole flesh (DJP), Friday, May 10, 2013 4:12 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

imagine a chris nolan demolition man zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

― i gave ten pounds and all i got was a lousy * (darraghmac), Saturday, May 11, 2013 9:13 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

well we'd know exactly what the seashells are for

― the white queen and her caustic judgments (difficult listening hour), Saturday, May 11, 2013 9:14 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink