Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSlSaGcc0QM

right, feeling posi about self, ready to make some new friends, still can't get used to this horrible discarding strangers process

word nv

Hi ILX. So here's the deal: I had an old OKC profile and which I revived after a break up. I now wanna meet people but not ready to start dating again. The problem is I can't seem to find anyone who is also interested in just new friends. Is OKC the wrong place for me? Any advice? Long distance penpals seems to be the option closest to what I'm looking for, but I'd still like to be able to meet people in person.

There is a "friends" option. Im always quietly disappointed when I meet someeone neat on there and thats the only option they got on, but thats because of what I am lookin fer.

i have no experience with this, but maybe meetup.com would be a better bet?

I'm now thinking part of the problem may be that I live in a small town. But I'm moving to a bigger city soon so that might help.

Well, OKC is free, so there's not really any downside to trying, as long as you're forthcoming about your aims (and can ignore potential grousing from those who think of it as strictly a dating site). I'd probably do it, along with other stuff.

I've used meetup.com in a new town, but never found anyone that I really clicked with. But I think I gave up far too quickly.

When I moved to my current city, tehresa put me in touch with someone she knew a little bit. This person had made the same city-to-city move as me, for the same grad school reason, but a year earlier. I expected a polite coffee and never to hear from her again, but I'm now really good friends with both her and her roommate. Really grateful to tehresa, and newly impressed by the power of friend-of-friend type meetups.

Thanks for the tips. I just had a look at meetup and it might be the thing I'm looking for, also because I prefer meeting people in a social environment, rather than one on one.

Yeah I've made some friendships through meetup.com. Try a wide variety of groups if you have lots of interests, some of the groups are more conducive to making friends than others. The one thing I'd warn you on is that people flake out a lot, so expect half or less of the RSVPed people to show. The bigger groups tend to be better bets. As for OKC... I mean lots of people list "friends" as an option, but I've actually never seen anyone with only that option.

i've had success with flickr meetups but that's pretty photography-focused. it's mostly an excuse for nerds to gather and show off their cameras.

over-enthusiastic about Jarvis Cocker - gone, little flash of intellectual snobbery - gone, probably don't really like books much - gone

this don't make me feel good about myself

does anybody else get put out by people being ostentatiously specific about 'who they're looking for' // 'i'm really confident and know what i want' or is that a me thing?

If I'm being charitable, it's nice that people have learned what they are looking for in a partner to that level of specificity (I certainly don't). Maybe it even finds them the people they want. To me, it's a big turn-off to be that demanding in a profile. There are nicer ways to list what kind of traits you prefer.

I'm kind of nightmarishly specific on mine, and yeah, that leaves out the possibility that people can surprise you and enrich your lives in ways that you didn't have planned. On the other hand, it's sort of wasting people's time if I have this complex rigmarole of demands and deal-breakers and don't just tell them about it.

Also suspect that for many people, especially women, the reason is that they get an enormous number of messages, and the more clearly you list your specs, the more comfortable you can be deleting a message from a bozo that clearly didn't bother to read your profile.

women who have a height requirement on their profile smdh

I go back and forth about stating any requirements. Maybe I should, I think if people can see themselves "passing" enough reqs maybe it encourages them to connect w you more. But when I see it done in men's profiles it feels demanding and unpleasant? I'm sure it's the same with women.

my general feeling is to be very clear about your own qualities but not super specific about other peoples'. you do that by not responding to people who you aren't into.

but what do i know, i just bailed on this because it depressed me!

i guess the age one is a little different. and different for women, who i understand can get reams of mail from dudes clearly way out of their window anyway...

right i mean what i have in mind are people who say things like 'You need to be in great shape and interested in keeping it that way, and if the jacket in your photo isn't tailored then don't waste my time."

i have a tailored jacket, link plz?

Aw! I'm not finding it depressing at the moment but I am annoyed with the whole schtick.

Oh I don't mean the height, age, etc, I mean putting in yr essays like, This is what I'm looking for, you should be like [this] and [this] mentally or emotionally--although now that I've said that, mine used to say, You should like riding bikes, doing things, and eating food, which while that may seem like a low bar, reflected the fact that I had just dated ppl who wouldn't bike, leave the house, or eat normally. When I got over being annoyed at them, I took that out.

yeah it doesn't paint the person in the best light, but it doesn't really change your options! either a) say ok, forget this nitpicky crazy person or b) chalk it up to generalized defense measures and msg them anyway

xp2hoos

i actually have a short lunch date tmr (not from okc!), tips from fellow lonely singles to hide the die-alone vibes + pheromones that i am sure to be giving off

i think i'll go roll around on a pile of wet grass beforehand or something

do 12 pushups 30 mins before

j/k i have no clue. brush your teeth, have fun!

kill a deer and eat its liver

well i will probably brush my teeth after i eat the liver. but ty i will try to have fun

however you take the power of the deer, it's all cool

xps wait - so if i put up a profile discussing how much i'm a shut-in and hate leaving the house for any reason that's probably bad right

sounds hott to me

I don't mind at all when people list what traits they prefer, but when the language is like "you need to do x and be y", it just makes me think I'm applying for a job. And the funniest part about the overly demanding profiles I've seen is that they often list traits that everyone is looking for, like being confident, being honest, not being flaky. I dunno, I tend to get a pretty good sense of what someone is looking for based on what they've said about themselves, kind of what goole said.

when the language is like "you need to do x and be y", it just makes me think I'm applying for a job.

this is what gets at me, i think. like, i'm looking to get to know somebody i enjoy spending time with, not be an exemplar of your preexisting checklist.

Wow, speaking of, here's a guy who posted videos of movie stars and then said You should message me if: You are as slender and pretty as these women. ..."All these women would meet this weight formula: For every inch over five feet, add 2 to 3lbs to 100lbs."

Profile is full of smirking selfies. Just wow.

gl dayo! Whatever happens, you will not be that guy, so it's probably in the bag!

thank you io, i will try not to be that guy

http://gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net/8019B6/data.tumblr.com/635c5f231fa61cfb8d7af81f3b349d93/tumblr_mlvfmlB7DA1qisy2wo1_500.png

don't be this guy either

do they sell fleshlights shaped like a rolled-up copy of the constitution yet?

Or a gun barrel.

Hey i got druno and wanted to say everaone here should go 100% easier on every profile including themselves cos ppl surpsrise u, esprcilakly by ilx standards and like ilu u all

dmac do u have any tips for my date

Refresh me on details and ill do my best

do u have any tips on how to project confidence, suaveness & precision

No

Brush yr teeth tho

Tip #1 is if u really are in the game to spend srs amounts of yr life with a person then act like dayo 1st and prospective date gu_ 2nd
If u are not in that game i have only one piece of advice: get into that game

ps i have mad faith in the dayo i know from ilx, try that persona

should i adopt a schtick??

No!

Srs this shit is most obv to me. No schtick.