your terrible ideas

fantasy sex league

10-12 participants draft a set of personality traits, settings, music, sex moves, etc. for example, if you have the first round pick you might select the most charming/sexy partner, but later in the draft you're biting yourself because the only soundtrack left is smash mouth's "walking on the sun". or you just use up an early pick on great abs, but you're dismayed when later in the draft you realize that you have to select a knee (?!?) and the only knee left is completely fucked up, like backwards with the bone sticking out.

anyway, when the draft is over, the resulting combinations for each participants are rendered and displayed in a manner that kind of looks like this - http://www.foddy.net/Athletics.html - only it's sex instead.

podcast about interesting stuff in the world of video games, but for a non-gamer audience, called Mashing The Buttons

Would listen; disqualified

Yeah, that's a genuine good idea! Lock down the domain name now IMO.

later in the draft you realize that you have to select a knee (?!?) and the only knee left is completely fucked up, like backwards with the bone sticking out.

use of the following phrase for a monster slam dunk over defenders: "OH! HARDEN TAKES IT TO THE TERRORISTS ON THEIR HOME TURF!"

a planned parenthood t-shirt that reads "if life begins at conception, you've been celebrating the wrong birthday your whole life"

my friend is a statehouse lobbyist for PP and she's due in September. they've thought about making a shirt with an arrow pointing down and a caption "I was planned"

i have a friend who worked for planned parenthood and i got two designs that were quickly taken off their website when they made and vetoed them
one is "I <3 WOMEN" which i have repeatedly been told is homophobic
the other is a green shirt that reads "kiss me, i'm pro-choice"

nice!

album of Coil covers done in an acoustic Jack Johnson/fratboy style, called 'Musick To Play In The Park'

cld also be called 'fratology'

become a world-famous action movie star, on par with stallone or schwarzenneger. but insist on being uncredited in every single movie i'm in. i'd be the most mysterious movie star ever.

start a conspiracy theory rumor that Dzhokhar is actually pronounced "Joker", creating a suspcicious link to the Aurora shooting

a greek food truck called "A Gyro Ain't Nothin But A Sandwich"

Elvis Was a Gyro to Most...

omg

the pun holy grail is to come up with a (preferably good) pun that has zero google search hits. that one only brought up six, which is pretty good:

https://www.google.com/#safe=off&output=search&sclient=psy-ab&q=%22a+gyro+ain%27t+nothin+but+a+sandwich%22&oq=%22a+gyro+ain%27t+nothin+but+a+sandwich%22&gs_l=hp.3...391.5890.0.6593.36.26.0.0.0.0.1281.8605.1j11j4j3j2j0j3j1.25.0...0.0...1c.1.11.psy-ab.aCCANuXs-0A&pbx=1&bav=on.2,or.r_cp.r_qf.&bvm=bv.45645796,d.dmQ&fp=be07d9f0c6d0727a&biw=1134&bih=583

an album called "Double Pedals to the Metal"

implies both metal double-bass drumming and pressing the brake and gas all the way down at the same time

The Bagel Chips Meshugganah Bagel -- a new bagel product modeled on the Doritos Locos Taco

An edgy rival to Top Gear hosted by 5i55ym4nwh0r3 called Autofellatio.

"Jonathon" -- a marathon reading of Jonathan Safran Foer, Jonathan Lethem, Jonathan Franzen and Jonathan Ames

a shorthand ilx code system appended to the end of your display name that explains to people why you're being insufferable; longtime users will take your actions with a grain of salt and random googlers will be none the wiser

</3 = recent serious breakup
RIP = recent death of family member/friend
OD = "on deadline"
UTW = "under the weather"
USA = "American"
TO2MT = "Trolled One Too Many Times", trigger happy
ILX LIFER = More than ten years on the board, believes everything is permissible given longevity

http://www.geekcode.com/geek.html

had never heard of that. no bad idea goes unrealized i suppose.

An Encyclopedia Brown-themed coffee house named "Mugs Beany"

yes

Million dollar idea.

(Though I was always more of an Einstein Anderson fan myself.)

declare myself a sovereign citizen and refuse to pay property taxes, put up my own flag in the front yard

commission pitbull to write a national anthem for my nation

dale

that's a mr. show sketch, except with bob odenkirk doing the national anthem instead of pitbull

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNsYlnxSNcA

can't find a video of the anthem scene unfortch

hmm, I may have residual memory of this Mr. Show sketch

I still think hiring Pitbull to write a national anthem is a thing

also lol @ hoos's reference

An iPad cover that looks like an Etch-A-Sketch.

Is it an actual functioning Etch-A-Sketch?

That doesn't really seem like a terrible idea. It might arguably be corny, but I'm sure a lot of people would buy it. Is there an etch-a-sketch app?

this is already a products

http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/e6e2/

i feel like there is tension on this thread

i am in the dwindling camp of people who use it to post terrible ideas

the rest of you are like

1. here is my awesome idea
2. profit

xxp: although that one is non-functioning.

Disguise your computing device as a mere child's toy

ik, r?

this thread was always 95% awesome ideas.

Well I thought it was a terrible idea. Somebody else (the manufacturer of this product) obviously thought otherwise. Maybe this is why I'm skint and they're not?

Next year, whenever Omar Asik makes a terrific play, we're all going to yell

"Oh Mah Assssssshhh"

a website called doihavechops.com where you can upload a clip of your guitar playing and it will tell you if you have chops or not. an animated humanoid guitar will pop up and say stuff like "that was some sick shredding!" or "move over, Stevie Ray!" or "careful with that axe, Eugene!" (or maybe just "yes, you have chops"). it would only give positive feedback because guitarists have vv fragile egos.

floater implants: voluntary eye surgery to give people new floaters or modify their existing ones. maybe you were born with a little wormy floater and you want to make it look like a cobra. or maybe you want to see the name of Allah or your girlfriend's face or the Kiss logo every time you stare at a blank wall. absent-minded people can even get floaters that spell out "take 10 mg of Accupril (triangular brown pill) twice daily" or form a map of where they live. it's a non-reversible procedure & if you do it too much you will probably go blind.