Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

Yes Orbit, I always hated it when OKC supercrushes would write me back, and the email notification was thrilling, but the message was full of obvious polite disinterest.

― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Monday, April 15, 2013 5:30 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

god yes

My new favorite thing is getting the mutual 4-star automated message, then you message them a flattered hello, inquire after something in their profile, etc., they look at my profile, and then...never write back. Best explanation is that they starred me for my devastating good looks but then when they actually read my profile they are overcome with regret..

Haha. Yeah, I think they come for the Scottish dance pic and then flee from the essays.

Supercrush incommunicado again. I mean

"Ooh what have we here, a maiden faire? I'm sure I can wow her with my basement-dwelling charms...uh-oh, she doesn't seem very...feminine...in fact she sounds like a fucking bitch. And what is her DEAL with garlic??"

in orbit even you dont too stoked on your profile

maybe you should edit it a little

Me? I love my profile. I think it's not very..."feminine" in the sense of highlighting how open and welcoming and emotionally available I am, and it's probably a little bit too much about "things I can do" instead of "emotions, i haz them." But I think for those and other reasons it's actually a good reflection of me.

isn't the point of these dating sites to grind through as many profiles as quickly as possible? i would try not to put too much thought into people visiting/leaving your profile or not responding for that matter

Nah I'm not worried. If men without beards don't want to drink beer and ride bikes in the dark and eat pickled garlic together, I can still do those things on my own.

word

Some guy wrote me tonight and asked me if the fat chick in my photos was my sister. I responded, "No, that fat chick is me."

Why the fuck would someone go to the trouble of writing that?

Jesus fuck why are people so rude :/

Fucking asshole. Did you flag him?

Basing msgs to cuet boys on the dialogue in my 1907 English novel: good idea/bad idea? One lives in hope.

if you have to ask...

Well, the thing is, I'm great at banter in person but in writing I'm not very coquettish. I was wondering if that was holding me back, u know, writing emails to dudes like they were ilx posts, to a certain extent, instead of some kind of broad flirtation. I don't really know what I'm doing in the dating arena, I'm just trying to be like I am.

Sometimes I am like a turn of the century English novelist, it turns out.

I did spend a day reading the profiles of women my own age and they weren't very coquettish either, there was a distinct feeling of "here is me; what's *your* deal?" to them, which I approve of. But which doesn't explain my low response rate.

Saw a hot guy on my matches the other day I didnt end up msging because hes from MTL (swoon!) but it seems to indicate he'll be going back there soon, and I dont know if I can put myself thru another short term romance. Am I too fussy?

A novel you're writing or reading? I usually assume people will be very different in person from how they write (I am), so I usually look for signs of very general traits in the messages... smarts, humor.

If you don't want a short-term romance then I think you've already answered your own question? I see men's profiles too that say, I'm only going to be here for 3 mos, why don't more women just want to hang out and have fun? and I'm like, haven't I already written a post about this idiocy before? Repeating myself is tiring.

Oh, reading. I dunno, I think I'm smart *and* funny, but then I would.

hahah L, yeah exactly, maybe some people do get short term pickup fun out of OKC but its not for me. Iget attached too easily for one thing.

I had a medium-term romance with a Montrealer and it was pretty great. You could end up living there! It has fantastic subways.

I was engaged to one, I know they good lads :D Well maybe not, he dumped me by email from Canada, haha :/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSlSaGcc0QM

right, feeling posi about self, ready to make some new friends, still can't get used to this horrible discarding strangers process

word nv

Hi ILX. So here's the deal: I had an old OKC profile and which I revived after a break up. I now wanna meet people but not ready to start dating again. The problem is I can't seem to find anyone who is also interested in just new friends. Is OKC the wrong place for me? Any advice? Long distance penpals seems to be the option closest to what I'm looking for, but I'd still like to be able to meet people in person.

There is a "friends" option. Im always quietly disappointed when I meet someeone neat on there and thats the only option they got on, but thats because of what I am lookin fer.

i have no experience with this, but maybe meetup.com would be a better bet?

I'm now thinking part of the problem may be that I live in a small town. But I'm moving to a bigger city soon so that might help.

Well, OKC is free, so there's not really any downside to trying, as long as you're forthcoming about your aims (and can ignore potential grousing from those who think of it as strictly a dating site). I'd probably do it, along with other stuff.

I've used meetup.com in a new town, but never found anyone that I really clicked with. But I think I gave up far too quickly.

When I moved to my current city, tehresa put me in touch with someone she knew a little bit. This person had made the same city-to-city move as me, for the same grad school reason, but a year earlier. I expected a polite coffee and never to hear from her again, but I'm now really good friends with both her and her roommate. Really grateful to tehresa, and newly impressed by the power of friend-of-friend type meetups.

Thanks for the tips. I just had a look at meetup and it might be the thing I'm looking for, also because I prefer meeting people in a social environment, rather than one on one.

Yeah I've made some friendships through meetup.com. Try a wide variety of groups if you have lots of interests, some of the groups are more conducive to making friends than others. The one thing I'd warn you on is that people flake out a lot, so expect half or less of the RSVPed people to show. The bigger groups tend to be better bets. As for OKC... I mean lots of people list "friends" as an option, but I've actually never seen anyone with only that option.

i've had success with flickr meetups but that's pretty photography-focused. it's mostly an excuse for nerds to gather and show off their cameras.

over-enthusiastic about Jarvis Cocker - gone, little flash of intellectual snobbery - gone, probably don't really like books much - gone

this don't make me feel good about myself

does anybody else get put out by people being ostentatiously specific about 'who they're looking for' // 'i'm really confident and know what i want' or is that a me thing?

If I'm being charitable, it's nice that people have learned what they are looking for in a partner to that level of specificity (I certainly don't). Maybe it even finds them the people they want. To me, it's a big turn-off to be that demanding in a profile. There are nicer ways to list what kind of traits you prefer.

I'm kind of nightmarishly specific on mine, and yeah, that leaves out the possibility that people can surprise you and enrich your lives in ways that you didn't have planned. On the other hand, it's sort of wasting people's time if I have this complex rigmarole of demands and deal-breakers and don't just tell them about it.

Also suspect that for many people, especially women, the reason is that they get an enormous number of messages, and the more clearly you list your specs, the more comfortable you can be deleting a message from a bozo that clearly didn't bother to read your profile.

women who have a height requirement on their profile smdh

I go back and forth about stating any requirements. Maybe I should, I think if people can see themselves "passing" enough reqs maybe it encourages them to connect w you more. But when I see it done in men's profiles it feels demanding and unpleasant? I'm sure it's the same with women.

my general feeling is to be very clear about your own qualities but not super specific about other peoples'. you do that by not responding to people who you aren't into.

but what do i know, i just bailed on this because it depressed me!

i guess the age one is a little different. and different for women, who i understand can get reams of mail from dudes clearly way out of their window anyway...

right i mean what i have in mind are people who say things like 'You need to be in great shape and interested in keeping it that way, and if the jacket in your photo isn't tailored then don't waste my time."

i have a tailored jacket, link plz?

Aw! I'm not finding it depressing at the moment but I am annoyed with the whole schtick.

Oh I don't mean the height, age, etc, I mean putting in yr essays like, This is what I'm looking for, you should be like [this] and [this] mentally or emotionally--although now that I've said that, mine used to say, You should like riding bikes, doing things, and eating food, which while that may seem like a low bar, reflected the fact that I had just dated ppl who wouldn't bike, leave the house, or eat normally. When I got over being annoyed at them, I took that out.

yeah it doesn't paint the person in the best light, but it doesn't really change your options! either a) say ok, forget this nitpicky crazy person or b) chalk it up to generalized defense measures and msg them anyway

xp2hoos

i actually have a short lunch date tmr (not from okc!), tips from fellow lonely singles to hide the die-alone vibes + pheromones that i am sure to be giving off