Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"To be quite honest, all I really want is some countertransference."

"A feather quill? Really?"

"Aha! I knew that William Shakespeare was really just an alias of Francis Bacon!"

"After the spontaneous abortion I've always felt like I've been carrying my baby with me."

"It feels like my soul is pecking at my shell, yearning to be rid of these mortal trappings."

"I was told you were the one to see to help me with my fear of frying pans."

"my last therapist was a vienna sausage but he had some weird ideas about my mom."

"I don't care whether someone is white, brown or green; mixing with ham is an abomination against God."

"I don't think I have daddy-issues just because I look at cocks on the internet."

this is a terrible cartoon
"That's when I realized I don't need to be put together again, I need to get in touch with who I am"
"There's got to be more to life than just breakfast"
"It all started back when I was a chicken"

"My wife thinks I take things over easy."

"I doubt I'll ever get laid again."

^^^ winner

the key here is that the egg is HAPPY about something

laid is v good

"sometimes i think there must be more to life than just being eaten"

"i keep having this recurring dream where i'm the only one without hollandaise sauce"

"I think we're making progress, I'm definitely coming out of my shell"

"I'm afraid if I let myself open up, I'll get burned. By the way, I can't stop laughing at your suit - it makes you look like a slice of bacon."

from the naked boardroom contest, I actually really like one of the nominees:

"I was wrong, this meeting is still boring."

"It's such a relief to be part of a complete breakfast."

"Easter was wonderful -- it's the one time of year a man can put on makeup without getting weird looks."

(Oh, if anyone wishes to submit the "laid" one above, or some variation of it: please do! I'm ineligible to enter.)

don't worry, i'm sure tom leonard has already done it

tom's won that contest too!

http://www.fastcocreate.com/1682733/remembering-roger-ebert-aspiring-new-yorker-humorist-and-one-time-caption-contest-winner

"The ovisuction has done wonders for my self-esteem. I've got a new chick on top of me every night now."

OK, here comes one more variation of the situation...

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/04/15/p465/130415_contest_p465.jpg

"Now THAT was sexual congress."

nice

"So much for a hung parliament"

"Let's just say I expect some capital improvements."

"That was monumental."

nice!

"I love it when you do me like you do ordinary hardworking americans."

"I guess this _was_ the next logical step after gay marriage."

"Nope, it doesn't feel right without Ron Paul."

"I know I said I wanted dome, but this is ridiculous!"

"this is fucked up"

"machicolation? listen, i'm not that kind of building"

"It's okay. Not everyone is the Washington Monument."

looool

"Is that George Washington's empty tomb in your pocket or are you pleased to see me?"

"So which hole is your butt?"

"How exactly am I going to stimulate growth?"

"It's ok. Lots of executive bodies get filibustered sometimes."

"Don't feel bad about it. Not many people can match up to Big Ben."

It's not you, it's me.

"as sex, it was great, but as political metaphor, it was trite and hackneyed"

"Ironically, this is the least dirty thing I've done all week."