buzz bissingers gucci addiction

this is one of the most hilarious things i've ever read

CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT THE SEX TOURISM??

i probably should've kept reading past the skull ring parts huh

I found myself submerged into the "dark web," where I could fully indulge in my dual pleasures of human trafficking and buying exotic leather goods. i bought gloves made from the skin taken from the back of a young cambodian girl. they were gorgeous. i was hooked. i bought more. a beautiful leather wallet with prison tattoos that i keep on a chain, taken from the thigh of a russian hustler. i bought a hat made out of an albino. it felt good.

Thank you, you're a genius.

I occasionally wondered to myself why I felt the need to murder prostitutes. But then the need returned like a wave. Why ask questions. I was its slave.

i bought a hat made out of an albino. it felt good.

― open the blood gates (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, March 26, 2013 11:53 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lmao

it does kinda time out, patrick bateman +30 yrs

i was about to say!

i do love the fact that he takes such pride in how many people 'compliment' him on his clothing, like he doesn't understand that most people just have the basic decency not to laugh directly in his face

*preemptive praise*

omg lagoon i love u for this thread for real

I CANNOT WAIT TO READ THAT GQ PIECE OMG THE PHOTOS AHAHAHA

only issue with the piece is that it's dying for more photos

oh god it's already delivering:

Before I left, I promised my wife I would be restrained. She is very concerned, because she knows what can happen. But inches from the runway, waiting for the smooth mannequin boys with surgically removed hips and buttocks swaying like sunglassed Gumbys with the newest designs from creative director Frida Giannini, I know the promise is useless.

waiting for the smooth mannequin boys
waiting for the smooth mannequin boys
waiting for the smooth mannequin boys
waiting for the smooth mannequin boys
waiting for the smooth mannequin boys
waiting for the smooth mannequin boys

tell me that he's trolling. tell me that he hasn't delivered this up for the sole purpose of hilarity

It has taken a while to figure out what works and what doesn't work, but Gucci men's clothing best represents who I want to be and have become—rocker, edgy, tight, bad boy, hip, stylish, flamboyant, unafraid, raging against the conformity that submerges us into boredom and blandness and the sexless saggy sackcloths that most men walk around in like zombies without the cinematic excitement of engorging flesh.

it's like he's possessed by Don Simpson

please tell me it ends with him snorting rails of coke off a Gucci model in his hotel room

what in the

whoever said he's like grownup Patrick Bateman upthread -- SO OTM

On Oct. 8, 2012, Buzz endorsed Mitt Romney for president.

Buzz Bissinger has a future in Gucci/leather fanfic

buzza bissinger

why couldn't buzz just buy a guitar and hire some session musicians to record a horrible vanity album

why does he have to express his rocker image via pants that NOT ONLY prominently showcase his crotch and BUT ALSO prompt its tumescence

why are you so cruel, buzz

no one wants to look at the outline of your dick

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7IC5MtynLE

i just came here to post this. and i thought buzz couldnt own any harder

it's like he's possessed by Don Simpson

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, March 26, 2013 12:34 PM (34 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol

i do love the fact that he takes such pride in how many people 'compliment' him on his clothing, like he doesn't understand that most people just have the basic decency not to laugh directly in his face

― open the blood gates (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, March 26, 2013 12:09 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ha yes this is willful ignorance

what in the

― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, March 26, 2013 12:45 PM (23 minutes ago) Bookmark

lol

someone needs to follow him around and get me a gif of him dancing in his leather pants a nightclub

and for ever after, whenever he douches out on twitter or vomits his egomaniac bile anywhere I can just look at the dancing gif and know that he's the most hilarious person alive

*at a nightclub

this guy owns harder than 99% of ilx, especially elmo

uh oh

uh?

lol

elmo: haha get a nutritionist u slob

*the ground rumbles as buzz, now in the form of a monster truck sized katamari ball made of gucci products, rolls over elmo and the light dies from his stupid eyes*

whatever u do elmo, dont agree to meet & fight h4a in person

Was I homosexual because so much of what I wore is associated with gays? I did experiment. And while I don't think it is my sexual being, I can tell you that gay men as a group are nicer, smarter, have a shitload more fun than straight whites. Was I veering toward becoming a dominant leather master in the S&M scene, the leather fetish an obvious influence in most of the clothing I purchased and in much of high fashion itself? I did experiment. Was I a closeted or maybe not so closeted transvestite? Tom Ford makeup is divine; the right foundation and cheek blush and eyeliner and lipstick can do wonders for the pallid complexion. Thigh-high boots add to any wardrobe, although walking on six-inch stilettos for hours is just a bitch and therefore confined to the privacy of my house, seen only by the UPS man, who at this point could not possibly be surprised by anything. But a dress or skirt just doesn't look good on me, and I can't ever do a thing with my hair. The look I was going for was more David Bowie androgynous. It wasn't successful.

http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/18ionzslzv8qujpg/original.jpg

i wouldn't mind his pants so much if he tightened up that body a little bit

#owning

CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT THE SEX TOURISM??

I also went to Hong Kong and Macao with some friends. We went to sex clubs, many, many sex clubs with many, many women. We became tired. Four days seemed like four years.

― lets just remember to blame the patriarchy for (in orbit), Tuesday, March 26, 2013 11:39 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

there were so many buzz-types around wan chai... so many

imo he was going to chinese sex clubs to pick up fashion tips

We became tired. From shopping. Four days seemed like four years.

I bought a skateboard. A leather skateboard. I ollied over my teenage self.

― lag∞n, Tuesday, March 26, 2013 3:35 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

LOL

This is all so amazing. Good job, everyone.

Then I see a leather jacket of red burgundy with gold military buttons. It goes to the waist. I like it, but it isn't quite distinctive enough. Something is missing, until I muse to the Perfect Shadow how great it would look if it could be lengthened into a full leather coat just above the knee, almost duster-style.

"We can do that. I'll make sure we can do that."

Nobody knows the price of the leather coat yet, since it falls in the custom-made category. I breathe in. I breathe out. It is too beautiful.

"I'll take it."

The approximate amount I spent on the four-day trip is $51,000. That is equivalent to roughly a full year's tuition at my son's college, Kenyon. I think about that. The self-indulgence is obvious. But it is my money, and I have paid his tuition for four years so he will not be saddled with any loans when he graduates this spring.

i just imagine the dude's kids waking up to 43 text messages on their phone and the horror slowly dawning on them as they piece it all together.

amazing, i love that he exists

feel bad for his UPS guy

i just imagine the dude's kids waking up to 43 text messages on their phone and the horror slowly dawning on them as they piece it all together.

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Tuesday, March 26, 2013 2:15 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol