Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"I said causal Fridays. You know, where we'd determine the antecedent conditions that were responsible for consequent events? Come on, people!"

"As you'll see momentarily, the fiscal crisis has left me with only a stack of dimes."

"When I said dress code was business casual, I meant business casual at every other business except American Apparel! Of course, that doesn't quite explain why I'm not wearing clothes either, does it?"

"Activate interlock! Dynotherms connected. Infracells up. Mega thrusters are go. FORM VOLTRON!"

"I'm really digging these new casual fridays."

"Wow! This place is swank! Can I just say-- this ain't your father's gas chamber!"

"Hey, I think this is a one-way mirror."

"you know, i could have sworn the recruiter said this was a news agency."

"Lena, you seem cold. Are you cold?"

"I like staring at your nude bodies as I work. I find it... erotic."

"I bet my dick looks like ants to all those people."

"...and to think-- all those fuckers thought I couldn't build a successful Fortune 500 business where every employee experiences a daily regimen of degrading sexual humiliation and brutal genital torture."

"Let's focus, people"

"Hey, we should bring back the suggest ban button" xp

"let's focus, people" kills me

yes that is brilliant. it's what a real new yorker cartoon would have as its caption but doesn't stand a chance in hell for the competition.

Thomas C Leonard, can you go ahead and submit that for me? Thanks!

- Zach

"B-b-b-butt b-b-b-butt b-b-butt...!"

"You know what gets me hard? WINNING."

"That is my vision for the company. No ifs or ands."

^ that's a winner.

looooooool

you gotta submit that DJP

I already have

Takin no chances, good man

that is one of the few times i have actually lol'd at a NYer caption, rather than mildly blowing air out of my nostrils and thinking "HMMM!"

"Let's focus, people"

― ( ( ( ( ( ( ( (Z S),

"Mother... tell your children not to walk my wayyyyy.... tell your children not to hear my words... Mother..."

"Just then we heard a crash... Donald's dick broke the glass."

"Here's my impression of GG Allin."

boo you can only submit one entry

someone enter this: "Now that the entire board has bought in, we can introduce Emperor Businesswear to the public."

also it occurs to me that the "Christ, what an asshole" caption takes on a new dimension here

"I think we will be able to attract top talent with our open floor plans, flex time scheduling, child care, telecommuting options, and casual dress code."

"Get mad you son-of-a-bitch. Get mad. You know what it takes to sell real-estate?"

"I think we can all agree THAT didn't work."

"Clothing is for closers."

clothers

"...profit!"

"Lyndon Johnson taught me a lot about getting the most out of employees."

"We've had reports of some of you bringing in concealed weapons."

3 finallists from the "clockwork" pic:

"Backstabbing was already prevalent—we just added a twist."
"Be careful not to overwind—it can cost us overtime."
"And Bob, here, came to us from a jewelry box."

and this weeks pic:

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/04/01/p465/130401_contest_p465.jpg

"Don't order the fish."

"you bastards"

"I recommend the pizza, they have a killer oven here"

excuse the cloud-yelling but boy o boy those winning captions are garbage

yeah the backstabbing one is pure head-in hands

not that i can talk...

"This great chef, his career tragically cut short by sous-icide"

"in life, chef sought to put a piece of himself into every dish that left his kitchen. in death, at last, he has realized that ambition"

Thomas C Leonard worthy

We would like to again apologise for the spoiled broth, but we believe we've solved the problem once and for all

bit of turd polishing:

"After the service you'll all have a chance to sample pizza from the bone-fired oven."