Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"I wish they'd all stop humming Swan Lake."

"A systematic overview of our productivity data suggests that our overall efficiency levels are slightly lower with the robots compared with our previous employee arrangement. However, after factoring in path dependencies and switching costs, we recommend managing the current system to failure before executing a changeover. I would expect that to occur in 8 to 10 years, conservatively, though it could be as many as 18, based on comparison studies in similar industries. The full details of the report can be found in the Employee Productivity Data document that's located in the Productivity folder on the corporate intranet, but feel free to connect with me later if you have any specific concerns."

Otm

"So we arrange a cosplay day at work and THIS is how all these sarcastic fuckers show up."

"they're worthless at the water cooler, but their webinars are fantastic!"

i don't get the swan lake one? wouldn't 'nutcracker' make more sense?

Dunno, seems both are pretty popular in music boxes &c? Last one I saw (two weeks ago) had a little spinning ballerina + swan lake.

Incidentally, I've had 'California Girls' stuck in my head since writing that post.

but the nutcracker soldiers are actually windup toys.

Well damn. I didn't even think of that.

"Drilling into the back does hurt a bit, but nearly everyone prefers it to the old placement."

"If they figure out they can wind themselves, we're finished!"

"Obviously, with my experience to date being in the private sector, I'm used to batteries, but I'm sure I'll adapt"

The Cat/Mouse/Revolver finallists:

"Six rounds. Nine lives. You do the math."

"Calm down—I just came to get my things."

"Consider the effect of recoil."

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/03/25/p465/130325_contest_p465.jpg

"Casual Friday isn't working out."

"The directors have told me that this isn't what they meant when they said we should have an atmosphere of 'health and efficiency' in the office."

"I can't stand any closer to this window because of my enormous erection."

"I fear the next round of cutbacks could be our last."

Holy shit Mark does that mean One of Us is a finalist??

that's, uh, not a caption

Six rounds. Nine lives. You do the math."
Submitted by T0m L30nard, Berkeley, Calif.

Is that one of us? Because it is not me.

You gotta agree, we all loved the idea of "transparency in business" – until "business" was on the rise.

https://www.facebook.com/thomas.c.leonard

I don't think this is an ILXor, or is he?

He's a dirty rotten caption-stealing cheat.

did i say rounds or bullets? Either way twas hardly worldwide unique. So he v likely came up wi'th himself and wont be reading this. But if you are, tom, i hope you die roaring you dirty bollocks.

i'd like to propose that we just assume that thomas c leonard is a lurker and stole it and deserves to die. YOU DESERVE TO DIE THOMAS C LEONARD

Well i didnt wanna say but obv

EVIDENCE

"Don't be stupid kid. Nine lives, six shots, you do the maths"

― poll that whitey music pfunkboy (darraghmac), Monday, March 4, 2013 9:42 AM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

^ good one

― Eyeball Kicks, Monday, March 4, 2013 9:44 AM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Nine lives, six shots, you do the math

leave it at that and that's the winner imo

― ( ( ( ( ( ( ( (Z S), Monday, March 4, 2013 9:45 AM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Ha i fuckin knew the maths would need yankeed

― poll that whitey music pfunkboy (darraghmac), Monday, March 4, 2013 9:47 AM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

THOMAS C LEONARD changed the commas to periods, that's it!

Thomas C Leonard - "you will regret this"

Aw c'mon. I know they're identical and all, but Tom Leonard's answer was actually much better than dmac's imo.

"you will regret this"

obviously i say that as a friend

"So... are we doing this?"

(dude swapped them around, also. Still, moving on...)

"One more margin call like this..."

"Even as tail risk scenarios go, this is a doozy."

"Well, if you're so sure, you tell him what a naked short position really means."

"We need to discuss the budget."

"No, you listen Cassandra. The Central Risk office says we're fully covered."

"This is quite an unanticipated exposure to market conditions."

"And that is how I really came to be known as the London Whale."

"Now that the board has fully bought in, we can take the Emperor clothing line to the people."

"You're just not modeling them right. These are bespoke products."

"We can't *all* have the four of diamonds!"

Ya i think the emperor avenue shall be fruitful lets send it to the lurkers for finishing

"I mean, really - what are the odds that we'd ALL mis-read a department-wide email about "naked shorting and tradeable assets"?"

I posted a winning caption sometime back that i didn't submit. Great minds etc. This isn't rocket science, it's TEH NWE YROKRE

"Well SOMEONE is going to have to go get coffee."

"we must rebut this perception that we're motivated by naked greed. think, people, think!"

"i think i see the a/c unit arriving."