fuck cancer

My condolences to you, franny glass.

The 3-year old daughter of friends of ours was just diagnosed with leukemia. It feels perverse to say that the good news is that 80% of patients treated for the type she has stay in remission.

My friend, who is a friend of the family too, has breast cancer that's spread to the lymph glands. She has a toddler son. Fucking hell.

Ms Mac's mother goes in for a week-long stay today, surgery wed or thurs. Early detection, doctors v optimistic, but yknow, fuck cancer. Her dad's in remission two years but still dealing with aftereffects so doublefuck cancer.

Good luck with that dmac. My mother had to have a mastectomy two weeks ago, but other than an infected wound, she seems to be in the clear for now. Hope things go well for you too - if the doctors are optimistic, tap into that shit I say.

thinking good thoughts for her, dmac

12 months on.....

just how do you mark such an occasion.

both of my boys are taking the day off school.

we are going to the place where the ashes were spread, then going for a lunch together ..

both boys are showing little need to anything more.

do i make them be 'more respectful' of the situation, or, do i allow them to move on and not dwell on the past like their old man ...

f*ck ..

after the death comes so much stuff that you never anticipate in your normal day to day world.

much love mark

do i make them be 'more respectful' of the situation

What would you see as the benefit of this option?

exactly, that's my point ..

a quiet day together, just hanging out/going to the place where the ashes are/pub lunch/talking re memories etc = perfection ..
any more and i think, it becomes too intense and unnecessary.
but given that this is my first time re this kind of groove, i worry that my laidback attitude could be seen as not doing enough ...

hence the worry/guilt.

The kids reactions will change when they're older. For now, do just what you are inclined to do, and no more. No sane person would ever fault you. The first year is a milestone, but not the only one.

i think you're wise to let them set the tempo. plasmon otm, it will change with age.

An old friend and totally sweet guy just died of pancreatic cancer. He'd been sick for 4 years, tried everything he could. He really, really wanted to live. He was only 52. Another good friend, in his 40s, found out about two months ago he has brain cancer. He's already had surgery and is finishing up a round of chemo and radiation. His hair is falling out. He just got married last year.

Love and peace to all.

"He was only 52"

fuck fuck fuck.

cancer is evil.

so sorry to hear of your troubles tipsy ....

i genuinely believe that the evil lump has moved down a generation.

i dont recall any of my friends parents dying of cancer when i was a kid, and yet, my youngest (9), is perfectly understanding of the situation ...

so horrible, so sad to hear about that. Hope you are doing okay.

I am rly feeling the sentiment of this thread lately

I have a friend in Atlanta who had cancer a few years ago, and then beat it and got better, and then it came back, and then he went to the hospital, and then he fucking died. I found this out because I realized we hadn't talked on Facebook in a few weeks (which we did pretty regularly) and found a wall full of RIP Kyle messages. I'd known him thru online for years and got to stay with him for like a week when I was travelling a few summers ago; we totally hit it off and he had the coolest little dude of a son and an awesome wife and I was planning a trip back down to Atlanta this summer to see him.

This is the second friend (like not acquaintance but actual *friend*) of mine to die this year. It is seriously bumming me the fuck out.

fuck all of this shit so fucking hard, what the fuck

tipsy and mark and I and y'all should go forge a new plane of reality where cancer is not permitted to exist.

Aside from something happening to my children, the cancer coming back is the negative thing I think about the most. "He beat it, got better, got it again and died." That's a common refrain.

My oncologist says if this happens again the same way, he's going to take out the whole thing instead of waiting around for a third time. I don't know what to think of that.

I totally hear you, Steve. I remember that day, sitting on the throne at work, reading the obituaries and goddam, the hell is there a picture of Jonathan in there for? Everyone has those friends that after awhile, you only see every so often, but you don't expect the friendship to end on Page 4B.

And I hear you too, Mark. It's just that there's not a damn thing i can think of to say to you right now. No one will ever replace her, but there are people all over the world with thoughts of you and your family in mind. Who knows if that means anything, but there's that.

tipsy and mark and I and y'all should go forge a new plane of reality where cancer is not permitted to exist.

― hoda nkotb (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, April 25, 2013 9:25 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

that is a genuinely really beautiful thought and i hope you guys can make this happen in a place large enough for the rest of us to live in as well. this shit scares me! kudos to anyone with the personal fortitude to live through it on a super personal basis.

Until now, ppl under the age of 40 getting cancer has been, like, a challenging but ultimately non-threatening thing in my mind. Like, sure, you *could* die from it but you are young! healthy! etc! of course you're going to get better; why wouldn't you? Apparently that's not quite the case.

Oh, no. While cancer is mostly a disease of aging (eg. the median age of breast cancer diagnosis is 61), neoplasms in the young are more aggressive (the proliferating stem cells are more active, start with longer telomeres, and respond less to normal senescence/apoptosis signals).

Most cancers are seen in the aged, where they have been slowly doubling and possibly metastasizing from to other tissues for around a decade before they reach a diagnosable sizes of about a millimeter. That long run up is one reason clinical trials of breast and prostate screening in older people has such disappointing results (screen 2500 women yearly for a decade, terrify 1000 with a false positive, needlessly treat 5-15, to prevent one breast cancer death), and some guidelines are a-changing. The screening catches too many cancers that won't ultimately kill, and can't detect the more malignant cancers (that have commonly already metastasized) early enough.

To be diagnosed in the young, any cancer must have had a much faster doubling rate, and is naturally way more malignant.

recommendations about breast and prost

n the elderly, cancer generally has been present, growing exponentially at a slow doubling rate of around once per 90 days, for over a decade, doubling roughly once every 90 days, before reaching diagnosable size of about a millimeter.

The young haven't

Its one reason the ACS has been changing its recommendations regarding breast and prostate screening (it doesn't catch the really malignant cancers early enough, and catches too many of the ones

Ignore the last 4 lines there. Forgot to scroll down.

well, for all the concern, that was a lovely day.
me and the lads went to the place where we spread the ashes ..
we sat/chatted and then walked through some gorgeous countryside.
then headed to a lovely pub for food etc.
both boys were chatty and relaxed.
best day i have had in a long long time.
could not have wished for a better way to celebrate the life of the person that created my perfect life.

Good to hear, sir. Best as ever, always.

hi mark, happy for you that it went so well, but at the same time it's heartbreaking that such a day ever came to pass for you. sounds like you got a real feeling of togetherness out of it, glad that there are some very real positives for you to find solace in.

sorry if that sounds a bit overfamiliar btw, but i think that anyone who reads this thread knows what a nightmare you've been through and is rooting for you and yours for the future

re togetherness : that's actually spot on nickb ..

after all the evilness of the lump, it has taken a while to come to realise such simple truths, but hey, would like to think we turned a corner today.

well, i most certainly did.

xpost : behave re your concerns re being overfamiliar ! i would not post here if i were worried re such things ..

Hi all

Surgery over, drs happy, results whenever, we'll take the interim as a happy gift

Best wishes mark. Survive as a unit before worrying about meta consequences im

Surgery over, drs happy, results whenever, we'll take the interim as a happy gift

:-)

.....

genuinely hope things go to plan ..

Thks mark.

With genuine admiration with yr having dealt with what you have

Mark e, best wishes to you and your boys. I'm so glad your day was nice. I have learned that celebrating a person can feel wonderful, even when their absence still hurts. My sister's funeral was one of the most positive experiences of my life, in addition to being the most terrible. A very strange mix of feelings.

Have resolved to volunteer for the Cancer Society when my babies are a bit bigger. They were a wonderful source of support for my family through everything, and anyone going through this shit deserves as much help from as many people as possible.

A couple of Mondays ago I learned a very close family friend, Julie, (she lived with us when I was growing up and was like a second mom) died from the lung cancer she had been fighting for about 6 months. About half an hour before I got that news I learned my best friend's nephew, who has been fighting leukemia for 10 years (first diagnosed when he was 5), made a completely unexpected recovery shortly after the doctors had finally admitted defeat. So it was an evening of oh my god Noah is well there is hope yayayayay!!!! to oh my god Julie is dead.

A funny story about Noah - when he got the all clear all he wanted to do was get his drivers license . So his dad took him to get his learners permit. First thing he did? Drove the car straight into a wall. He was fine of course but damn chill Noah.

All clear iirc

oh that's good news dm, glad to hear it

Very!

I'm dutifully assisting a mother-in-law's request that she receive home care through the late stages of her cancer even though it means mopping up stomach acid from g-tube holes and changing a diaper. Every time we bundle her up and take her to hospital for some new complication she seems ready to be admitted to palliative, which would be an enormous relief and a huge benefit to her health instead of having her cared for by her talentless children. Then, they apply the right cream and/or install a new thing and she "rallies", imagines she'll be walking again by the next morning and we're lifting her back into the front seat, taking her home. Happily she's still got her sense of humour and it's pretty easy to get a smile out of her even in the worst of times. Tough lady.

She died yesterday. Happily she settled down and didn't keep up with the Unwise Rushing Around and died peacefully and intact instead of some rupturing sepsis bullshit. Lots of family here. I can't get out of bed. I was only looking after her two days a week but my bf was doing it full time, a superhero.

I'm so sorry to hear that. my thoughts are with both of you. <3

Best indeed to all, and my deep condolences.

Grisly but lol: my favourite cousin, a nurse, 70, remarked "happily we don't have to worry about a drawn-out cancer with ~you~. You Palletts are gifted at dying. Aneurysm *pow*! Heart attack *pow*! Out like a light! Very respectful." <3

Thanks for the kind words. Feeling stunned but ok. Worried bf will crash next week so I'm making sure he's got massages and madeleines

both v essential

My condolences, goon.

condolences to you and yours, dear fgti.

^

mother in law (pancreatic cancer) is now in, idk, I guess you could say the home stretch. Pancreas has stopped working altogether now. She can digest juice but is unable to digest much food at all without throwing up or severe indigestion. Her oncologist gave her a range of options, but she has decided she doesn't want to go to the ends of the earth to fight it, or go through rounds of surgery or chemo, she'd just rather see out the rest of her days in relative comfort, as pain free as she can manage for as long as she can manage.

it is probably the most at peace she has seemed in the past year that she's been going through this. and it's definitely reassuring to talk to her and know that she knows what she wants, and she is happy to help anyone around her come to the same understanding. she feels wise now.

but but but...now i have to move through the selfish process of ME being able to let her go. I think I am, in many ways. I am not grieving her yet, I'm just full of sadness that there will officially now be an End. With a capital E. Even if I don't know when it will be, just knowing that she knows, and that I know...it means I have to confront a lot of things that I haven't faced in many many years. And honestly, big fucking deal boo hoo me 'dealing with' 'letting her go' as if my allowing her to go has any bearing on it.

She has loved me as her own daughter from the day we met, for the last 14 years of my life. In many ways, I am losing a mother...she has been my surrogate all these years away from home...there's no way for this not to be hard. So I am just trying to accept that it is hard, but it is worth it, that this time is still precious and meaningful and to be present, to enjoy that she is lucid and loving and talkative.

i just...life, man. it's some heavy shit.

I'm so sorry, VG.

Your feelings of loss are valid and entirely okay. They aren't selfish! Losing someone you love is so fucking hard and it is okay, necessary in fact, to grieve. Maybe you want to be strong for your mother-in-law and your husband, and that's a very kind thing to do, but if there's anywhere you can come to talk about how this loss is hard for you, this is the place.