Kids say the darndest things

I may need to start a Grown-ups Say the Stupidest Shit thread:

Beeps and Dr. Seuss (and Ned Raggett) share a birthday together.

BEEPS: I wonder if Dr. Seuss got to eat all his cake on Saturday.

ME: Well, honey, Dr. Seuss ain't around anymore.

BEEPS: *gasp* He died?

ME: Yeah, uh, he died a long time ago. It's okay, he was a very, very old man, even older than Poppi.

BEEPS: But he's dead? Just like Binx? [our recently deceased pet cat]

ME: Yes, like Binx, but listen. Think about this: Everytime we read one of his stories, it's almost like he's still alive with us.

BEEPS: *gasps* You mean like – holds her arms out like a scarecrow, zombie style.

ME: No, I mean his spirit is here in the room with - um, uh, where's that book.

*slow clap* way to go, dad.

Dr. Seuss needs BRAINS

hahaha...oh god

and lulu. so much love for that kiddo

You did your best, pp.

I worked on the donor database for a nonprofit foundation and one day while doing cleanup, I came across the name Theodor Geisel and it slowly dawned on me "Oh my god, this is Dr. Seuss! He used to give money to my company." But then my eyes drifted to the little checkbox where his donor record was marked "deceased" and I got mildly bummed out about it.

Related that anecdote to my wife and 4-year-old a few years later because I'm a dumbass and got a completely horrified response.

my 21 month old has started saying "pleasant dreams!" in a demonic guttural voice.

son and his friend are playing Call of Duty: Black Ops II

Me: One of these days, I'm going to hook up my Nintendo Entertainment System and make you guys play Contra.
Son: What? What? What is that?
Son's Friend: That was ... that was one of the first games for the MTV.

not a kid thing but i kinda love the fact that the dartmouth medical school was recently renamed the theodore geisel school of medicine

UCSD's Geisel Library:

http://libraries.ucsd.edu/_images/Main/geisel-building-1.jpg

my 21 month old has started saying "pleasant dreams!" in a demonic guttural voice.

Our Alice used to say "What the ..." a lot, eventually we sat her down and told her Yes it's funny but you can't really say that anymore..

Hah! For some reason, Joey went through a phase of saying "What the man?" Maybe one of us parents was saying something like "What the...? MAN!" He eventually just started cussing. I'm sort of bummed out, because Abby's reached a really communicative age and I don't think there's any way - between me, her mom, and her brother - that's she's not going to start cussing way early.

Disappointed that library doesn't have a jagged bannisterless staircase winding its way to the top.

Medical section renamed solla sollew

Bet there are a lot of zelf's in there.

(Zelves?)

picked up from a teacher at day care: when someone does something evie doesn't like, she says "YOU'RE NOT MAKING GOOD CHOICES"

hahaha

i've starting saying it to which leads to arguments like
me: "evie, you're not making good choices right now"
evie, tears streaming down face: "i AM! i AM making good choices!"

201x-version of "don't be an idiot."

evie, tears streaming down face: "i AM! i AM making good choices!"

aw.

I told Beeps she need to tell her teacher that she was banging on the front doors of her school when it was closed for MLK Day, and her reply was "I don't think that would be a good choice to make."

my kid draws the darndest things etc

Awesome.

so rad!

How funny, my friend's daughter went through a phase of saying," How sad, how sad, you make bad choices."

Love the drawings!!!!!!!

Part of a wall poster Ava made for school on Un Lun Dun (by China Mieville):

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8377/8596702834_a9a34c6623_z.jpg

I'm really glad she chose to write about that and not Captain Underpants.

This morning:

Me: "K, do you know what daddy is drinking? Daddy is drinking coffee. Coffee. Coff-ee. What is daddy drinking?"
K: (fake coughs)

hahah

excellent!

Un Lon Don is a fun book! I think of it whenever I see sad umbrellas to this day. Go Ava.

Er, Dun. Whatever. British ppl.

Last Thursday Henry was sent home from daycare for pooping 3x and was not allowed back until Monday. So we got to spend two days together which was pretty awesome. Anyway, Comcast had their watchathon week going on so I thought Id see what all the fuss was about 'Girls'. Henry was making robots on the iPad when he came over to the couch and asked what I was doing. I told him I was watching a show. He stopped for a moment and watched a non-dialogue scene of 'Jessa' walking down the street. Watching the scene Henry is suddenly surprised and excited. He points at Jessa

Henry: 'Hey! It's Mama. MAMA! THAT'S YOU!!!'

Me: (knowing full well I don't resemble this ridiculously beautiful woman in any way, shape or form) 'You think that's Mama? Are you sure?'

Henry: (bouncing up and down now) "Yes! Yes! Its you, Mama!"

Me: *fake gasp* 'Oh my goodness, Henry! You're right! That is me! Wow. I'm so cute on TV!"

Henry: "Yes! Mama on TV."

Satisfied with my apparent acceptance of this fact, he laid a huge grin on me then ran off to complete his robot assembly

i love that

at 3 a.m., cried out in her sleep demanding "high-fives"

Henry was calling seahorses "cowboy fish." That mistake alone makes me think he's a smart cookie.

i put on a baseball cap i never wear on saturday and evie said i looked like a "nice old man." later she ate a really big granola bar and said she was so full that she was going to have a baby.

bought an anita o'day record

http://www.parisjazzcorner.com/en/pochs_g/094787.jpg

little guy flipped it over to the back, went "a-n-i-t-a-o-d-a-y spells...(back to the front) girl yawning!"

<3

aww

also

"Henry was calling seahorses "cowboy fish." That mistake alone makes me think he's a smart cookie.

― pplains, Monday, April 8, 2013 9:57 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink"

!!!!!

little guy flipped it over to the back, went "a-n-i-t-a-o-d-a-y spells...(back to the front) girl yawning!"

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Tuesday, April 9, 2013 1:00 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

concise record reviews

Just now:
Me: Henry, I'm hungry. Will you make me something?
Henry: Uh-huh
Me: You will?? What will you make?
Henry: McDonalds

guess how much I love u lol

Ava: "If I write a book does it have to be a new idea?"
Us: "Yes, it's good to be original."
Ava: "Good. Because I have an original idea. My book will be called The Unstoppable Super Spider-Man."
Us: "Hmmm. I think the creators of Spider-Man might not be pleased with that."
Ava: "No, it's the Unstoppable Super-Spider Man. There's a hyphen in it. It is different."

(There then followed a discussion about a spin-off called Unstoppable Ninja Super-Spider Man and Ava's dismay that someone had "stolen my idea before I had a chance to think of it" for a female detective called Shirley Holmes.)

It could be ok..

http://images.45cat.com/ian-dury-and-the-blockheads-suepermans-big-sister-1980-4.jpg

K has learned to say "Wow" and does it in this great, exaggerated way, like "wwwwooOOOOW!"

Saturday we took her to the central park zoo. We showed her the monkeys -- no interest. Penguins - no interest. Sea Lions -- no noticeable interest. She sees a girl playing with bubbles -- "wwwwooOOOOW!"

in the bathtub:

Me: look, it's time for you to wash your hair! How many times do I have to ask you!
Veronica: Okay, but daddy, here's the thing... *points her butt at me and farts*

her first successful comedy routine

i made that exact same joke the other night when my sister told me to do the dishes

lol

she likes to fart and she is crazy

evie was playing in her room by herself and chanting "obama obama. obama obama." over and over the other day