Worst TV adverts of the moment

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(though they oppress me from posters not the telly)

Tom, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Another hated poster ad - what do these people have in common they all drink portugese wine (or something, I do not know what horrible drink they all drink all I know is that it's yet another poster with Tony Parsons gazing at me, best selling author yes)

Tom, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

That German wine ad is shit as well. The one with that ex-goth lass who now is a city worker of some description and has noticed the wine changing with her. I am also dismayed by by the cheesiness of that Hardys ad with the bottle making an impression on the car, hur-hur- hur. Are all wine adverts rubbish by law or something? I can't think of a single good one off the top of my head.

RickyT, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Ah now whot about the S. African wines one dominating the Northern/Victoria lines? With the funny reptile lying back in a tshirt with the S.African flag on it? Ha ha that is funny ha ha ha fetch me a bottle! As long as I can smash it OVER MY OWN HEAD argh. Tube adverts surely don't count. I still want to know why they are all so crap for car insurance (if yer on the tube = good chance you don't drive and not target demographic SURELY) and LET YER BODY KNOW WHEN TO CONCIEVE helff fads. Sheesh.

Sarah, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

I have never seen a wine ad except 'le francais adore Le Piat D'or' which I doubt even counts as wine. Is wine advertising targeted at the metropolis, or have I missed my demographic?

Ellie, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

"In France it's part of the language" => very very very angry RickyT shouting at television.

RickyT, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Spitfire Ale is even worse though.

Wine ads infest the London Underground system. That and ads for ten- week 'philosophy' courses.

Tom, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

'I AM DRUG FREE' screams trophy winning golfer.

Will, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Are any of the common ads on the tube any good? Travel insurance = shit, cheap phone calls = shit, wellwoman pills = very smug detoxified woman therefore shit, cartoon strip style loan ads = even shitter, car insurance ads = dreadful with particular brickbats going to Diamond (car insurance for girls NOT men) and Admiral (Tim and whatserface 'soap opera' type affair only the fuckers can't even be bothered to use the same models from episode to episode) and as pointed out above why do I want car insurance when I'm on the sodding TRAIN anyway?

Must. Calm. Down.

RickyT, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

'Scientology helped me become a successful photographer', yes yes but it also made you look like Greg Evigan.

RickyT, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

'Sorry John, try as hard as you like, Diamond is only for women'

John is a c**t.

Will, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

I am a Planet Talker. It is you who are mad.

Tom, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

"You know what I'm like with shoes! Anyway, today's paaaaaaaaaaaaayday." Lock the bitch up.

Jonnie, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

I've just remembered I have to turn away when that drink ad with the piano playing dog appears. It really freaks me out. I hate that dog.

Lambrini girls are classic. As David Bell, chief executive of Cheetham Bell JWT, which devised the campaign said:

"It is a drink for salt-of-the-earth girls to drink before they go out, maybe while chatting or putting their make-up on. While they do that, they probably crack jokes about their boyfriends. I've never heard of any men being offended by these ads. They're quite clearly just a bit of fun.'

Who'd have thought that one day computers would allow us to watch adverts at work

Nick, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

"At the link it's eeeezzeeee...." Interminably dull. Young lady trades in her "embarassing mobile phone" cuz it doesn't play the latest blingin' tunes, to the accompaniment of the blandest sub-Shed Seven dirge imaginable.

Millions of years of evolution and THIS is what they expect us to aspire to.

Trevor, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

'You don't have to be wild and wacky to enjoy Lambrini, but it helps!"
You don't have to be wild and wacky at all! JUST GO AWAY.

will, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

The anthropomorphized dog works on teh same principle as the Breezer cat. I mind less about the dog because dogs have less dignity to be besmirched. It's also the same principle as those creepy animated babies who discuss personal finance.

Ellie, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

And the dog doesn't cheer Arsenal on in a penalty shoot out. Oooh, I hate that cat.

Jonnie, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

I was going to mention that unbelievably smug couple on the car insurance adverts I loathe them and don't care about their stupid fictional relationship dramas. If they really had such a petrfect relationship surely they would talk about something else other than bloody car insurance? Click here and fly to Canada - oh fine, just need a spare £600 quid too at their prices. And on the escalators: Lancome free gift. Lancome free gift. Lancome free gift. Lancome free gift. It's Clinique bonous time! It's Clinique bonous time! It's Clinique bonous time! It's Clinique bonous time! And all TV Asda adverts.

Anna, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

I flew to Canada (Toronto) to for £224 return with that company so I think they're ace.

Jonnie, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Anna - that AA couple aren't smug! They're miserable and fractious and a chilling emblem of our times.

I LOVE the Link advert, but I'm prepared to accept it's for similar "ah - a good old fashioned cheery crappy ad" reasons as my fondness for the never updated Argos campaign.

creepy animated babies who discuss personal finance.

Ooh yes - that's the original 'I have to change channels cause this makes me nauseous' ad. Apparently Madchen's gran loves it cause it reminds her of Madchen's dad at a similar age.

Nick, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

so am i weird for collecting the admiral insurance ads from the tube. bless them, they saved £££s.

Alan Trewartha, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

"I LOVE the Link advert"

Pervert.

Actually, this reminds me of a girl I used to know who said she loved dentist drills.

Trevor, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Boddingtons ones with the transgender cow on the pull. AAAAAGH.

Any ad where the magic of Animatronics allows toddlers or animals to SPEAK. GRRRRRR!

Any ad on Channel 5 which shows exactly what media buyers think of the viewers, eg debt ones, dial LAWYERS ones, old folks' maladies and life insurance ones. All the most awfyul American imports of the ages in one break from Family Affairs omnibus when I am hung over and de-motivated. SCREEEEEE!

suzy, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Stupid Currys advert where they deliver a new telly to the woman who used to be Viv's mate on Emmerdale on a SUNDAY, shock horror, while her useless hubby is asleep in an armchair, and the delivery men say 'shall we take the old thing away' and she says 'no let him sleep it is Sunday after all'.

God I hate that it is SO CONTRIVED who would say 'shall I take the old thing away' you'd say 'shall I take the old one / old telly away'. Only then of course the hilarious punchline wouldn't work.

Emma, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Boddingtons transgender cow = GRATE esp. first ep when girl-girl fellatio-facial is somehow implied k-blimey oreillyXoR who approved THAT!!

mark s, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

I'm sort of chums with the bloke in the new Wrigleys adverts - the one who smashes sandwiches and cream cakes with a massive packet of Orbit or whatever. These ads = classic or dud? particularly compared to the meta-cheesy "she's love your onion breath" ads of youre?

Mark C, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

They remind me of the last series of Takeover TV = they are rather poor.

RickyT, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

God I hate that it is SO CONTRIVED who would say 'shall I take the old thing away' you'd say 'shall I take the old one / old telly away'. Only then of course the hilarious punchline wouldn't work.

There are many ambiguous things they could ask that would be better than 'shall I take the old thing away?'. How about 'shall I take this old pile of shit away?' or 'this isn't much use to you know - shall I take it away?' or 'do you want me to get rid of your husband?' ('husband' is slang for TV set in Berkshire)

Nick, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

They're absolute dud Mark. They're obviously based on Trigger Happy TV: problem here being that most people who watched that I would think are not the type of people who would go "Oh this reminds me a bit of something I like therefore I will buy it" so Orbit = WRONG! I also hate that ICE advert where the chap goes through an airport security thing and gets a lady guard to strip him down URGH. Please. Smug self-satisfied wankXoR. Oh god I can go home in ten minutes. Pleeeeeeease hurry up. I shall keep an eye out for Mark @ Embankment tube also but considering he has just posted I thinks I will probably not be seeing him there.

Sarah, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Aargh, thinko. I meant Trigger Happy not Takeover above.

RickyT, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

most people who watched that I would think are not the type of people who would go "Oh this reminds me a bit of something I like therefore I will buy it"
I think you are deliberately misunderstanding the process by which advertising works.

Nick, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

McDonalds ad...grumpy sister comes in, "what's wrong?" asks little brother..."nothing"...little brother raids money box, takes out his LAST £2!...Goes to McDonalds and buys her a happy meal.

What kinda of messed up message is this? Blowing your last two quid on a happy meal for someone else? I mean the kid could have at least had got his dad to pay for it! (you get the thanks without incurring financial hardship = crafty!)

james, Sunday, 25 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

"Mervyn's-it begins with me!" Die, Mervyn's Lady, die!

Arthur, Sunday, 25 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

The new one for Chrysler using "the Universal" (one of the only truly lovely Blur songs! Curse Kojack Albarn and his Freddy Krueger dreams of world domination). It shows these Chrysler execs (designers, I suppose) getting all misty eyed about the thought of their beloved children, the cars, having to go out into the cruel world without them (hence the "Just Let Them Go" refrain from the song).

Chrysler is one of company's clients, and believe me the only thing any of them would ever get misty eyed about is the idea of spending an extra dime. If they could make a crappy car out of nerf and sell it for a profit they would.

Also, Maura's Chrysler ad is really bad as well. Someone shoot their ad agency.

I don't have anything against Chrysler really, but their commercials are bad. BMW are 100 times worse to deal with as a client but their commercials are clever.

Nicole, Sunday, 25 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Yes! I hate that Chrysler one too. I think that they *should* build that NERF car tho.

Kim, Sunday, 25 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Nerf is kewl, but what I meant is something that is cheap to manufacture and will probably come apart pretty easily. Kind of like that old "Adobe Car" skit on Saturday Night Live.

Nicole, Sunday, 25 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Oh god, that "Universal" ad. I did randomly stumble across that one and I LARFED. Damon being the good communist that he is, I'm sure he turned over the money for the cause. Or did he stop being a communist?

Ned Raggett, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

That hair plug fund money has to be generated somehow.

Nicole, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Nicole :
What do you do ?

anthonyeaston, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

The Jeep ad which has it driving up and down the statue of liberty while some patriotic song plays in the background. could they be anymore obvious with their (bad) exploitation of current events?

Samantha, Wednesday, 28 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

The ad whick compares car swapping to wife swapping. Amazingly dirty & disturbing for network tv.

Sterling Clover, Wednesday, 28 November 2001 01:00 (seventeen years ago) link

one year passes...
That 'Hard nosed businessman' Stephen Fry narrated Orange campaign. Utterly crass, stretched from an idea with no mileage in it whatsoever. What were they thinking?

N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 April 2003 16:03 (sixteen years ago) link

Aw Nick you are too hard! I think that one's quite funny - I like the guy bossing his son around on the beach.

Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Wednesday, 9 April 2003 16:10 (sixteen years ago) link

his son should have a little metal nose.

RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 9 April 2003 16:11 (sixteen years ago) link

But how does the steel-nosed businessman supposed to appeal to us or fit in with anything they are trying to convey about Orange?

N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 April 2003 16:13 (sixteen years ago) link

So...are you gellin'?

Are you gellin' like a felon?

Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Wednesday, 9 April 2003 16:21 (sixteen years ago) link

does = is

N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 April 2003 16:32 (sixteen years ago) link

S'all about being available all the time, N. And being ordered. And cutting costs. It will appeal to your average city wanker type. I know - I work with enough of them.

SittingPretty (sittingpretty), Wednesday, 9 April 2003 16:47 (sixteen years ago) link

The cunts in the Direct line ad win this every time. There relationship must be the most sexless, depressing, denial-laden relationship ever.

Mark C (Mark C), Wednesday, 9 April 2003 17:06 (sixteen years ago) link

Holy fucking shit lads

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0g1DB5hBosk

Xia Nu del Vague (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 17 October 2019 08:51 (three days ago) link

the advert in question is one of two that C4 are using (the other one is some optical thing) that completely mangles English into something nobody could use

that video is incredible though, the shot they use when she says 'the masses'!!

imago, Thursday, 17 October 2019 10:01 (three days ago) link

i searched for it after seeing the actual advert this morning and being mind blown by the acting choices especially shivering beardo

Xia Nu del Vague (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 17 October 2019 10:07 (three days ago) link

This sort of thing will happen if you employ a 12 year old as your Marketing Manager.

Michael Oliver of Penge Wins £5 (Tom D.), Thursday, 17 October 2019 11:05 (three days ago) link

haha, I hadn't seen the ad, so watched the video you posted and was expecting... something else

Nothing says 'durable' like a shivering man I guess
The Alan Partridge fan in me always wants to shriek "ONE CANNOT HAVE GRADATIONS OF UNIQUENESS!" when I hear stuff like this

kinder, Thursday, 17 October 2019 12:37 (three days ago) link

the alexa ad with the blind woman. am i the only person unconvinced by her choice of shoes after hearing that rain is forecast? umbrella, yes, but change your shoes for crying out loud.

oscar bravo, Thursday, 17 October 2019 12:45 (three days ago) link

Also, it made our machine shout out today's weather for Slough.

(We don't live in Slough)

Mark G, Saturday, 19 October 2019 08:15 (yesterday) link

the lloyds bank emo horses can eff right off

mark s, Saturday, 19 October 2019 09:53 (yesterday) link

I just saw another solidor advert except it wasn't for solidor it was for another door company

kinder, Saturday, 19 October 2019 22:17 (yesterday) link

It's 2019, Now TV shouldn't be making adverts where the punchline is the fear of something being put up someone's bum.


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