Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"A man like that, whose nose can't be easily mistaken for his chin, simply wasn't made for this horribly drawn world."

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"No matter how fast I drive, I can't seem to outrun the drones."

"Helmet laws? I got a big purple helmet right here!"

"Dear Lord! That young woman is fully clothed!"

"Watch out! Your scarf could get caught in the wheels!"

"You women need to grow a thicker skin!"

"Yes, I am Mayor Bloomberg. Koch had this added as a requirement for the mayorship."

"Sand in the vagina? Try bugs under the scrotum!"

"So? Is it sexy?"

"How do you like my chopper?"

"The worst thing about being a naked motorcyclist is giving the Invisible Man a lift."

"Hi there! I'm in line to be the next Pope. Yeah, they wanted someone a bit more radical this time."

"Is that a giant hammock on the horizon or just a very badly designed bridge?"

"...and then the LAPD started shooting at me because they thought I was that Dorner guy."

"Hey! Penelope Pitstop! It's me, Dick Dastardly! Yeah, I went through some stuff."

"It's very environmentally friendly. It runs on poop!"

xp "Yer know what I'm gonna do when I finally catch that pigeon? I'm gonna fuck it. Because I'm a pervert."

"i saw that naked man again, this time riding a motorcycle. this is happening more and more. i don't know if he's real, but i'm too afraid to find out."

"Then they decided to pitch the remake of 'Girl On A Motorcycle' to the CFNM crowd and here we are!"

"I like to relax when I'm not busy being a Conservative MP."

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"So I'm reshooting The Brown Bunny shot for shot, except fifteen seconds shorter."

"Of course I'm acknowledging that times are hard in the publishing business and we need to make changes, but did we really have to merge Performance Bikes with Health & Efficiency?"

"Are we travelling really fast or standing still? I can't tell, because the lazy cartoonist hasn't drawn in any speed lines or other subtle signifiers of movement."

"I've got a big horn. And so does the bike."

"People say that a lot, but no, I'm not that sissymanwh0re guy..."

"I have sex fully clothed just to be ironic."

"So waddya think? Should Naked Motorcycling be a sport at the 2020 Olympics?"

"I used to be the Pope's pacemaker, but now he's retiring."

"I'm a vegan, so I'm against wearing leather."

"Did you order the Pizza?"

"The North Koreans have just defied a nuclear test ban, so I thought 'Who's going to car about a guy riding around naked?'"

s/car/care

"You should record a cover version of Jasper Carrott's 'Funky Moped'."

"So we finally got a TV station to pick up our reboot of Kick Start. Unfortunately it was the Playboy Channel."

"This is my ironic Barry Sheen tribute act, Barry Obscene."

"So I auditioned for the 4th presenter slot on Top Gear and they said no! Apparently I wasn't controversial enough."

"WE ARE THE MODS! WE ARE THE MODS! WE ARE THE WE ARE THE WE ARE THE MODS!"

"I'm here to audition for the late night adult oriented re-imaging of 'Street Hawk'."

"Instead of a rocket powered Hyperthrust, I just set light to my farts."

"No, it's not a gearstick."

"People are always telling me that this is a sign of a mid-life crisis."

"I love the feeling of the wind in my hair."

"I think if you re-read the Highway Code, you'll find that it really does say Mirror-Signal-Take All Your Clothes Off-Maneuver."

"Pull over, this is the Naked Police. You are under a vest."

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"Hey, watch that you don't collide with that cartoonist's signature that's been carelessly left in the road."

"You remind me of that Bjork album, Vespa Teen."

"I nearly got pulled over by the cops back there. I guess it's because my bike doesn't have rear-view mirrors."