Depression and what it's really like

I'm fairly sure that I'm clinically depressed but only when I'm in work. I'm pretty much OK the rest of the time. I've never enjoyed my job but now I really hate it. It's not like there's been any changes here so I don't know why that is :s

silby, it is urgent that you find a baby asap (hint: any baby will do, if the parents are looking the other way) and take long, deep, refreshing wafts of baby scent into your nostrils. if this proves too difficult on short notice, a puppy will do, but instead of sniffing it, you must romp with it.

good luck

Haha aww that's the cutest advice ever but also very true and good.

Why do babbies smell so good!? Especially their heads!

somewhere glaxxo is patenting baby head reuptake inhibitors...

xp - the 18+ club I went to in college was Club Babyhead, it did not have a good smell.

blurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhh

ok, i have another therapist question if you guys have the time ... i've found the responses here pretty helpful for keeping me straight about things.

i'm starting to open up to my therapist, like, the first person in decades; i understand it's essential for me to start building bridges to other people so i took the leap. but the idea of trusting her keeps coming back to me, and it could either be trauma or legitimate concerns, and at this stage i'm not totally sure what's what yet.

anywho, my therapist talks about her other clients to me from time to time, usually related to something i'm talking about. it's usually straight forward like, 'another client with a history like yours has a similar problem' or some such. sometimes it's a little judgmental like, that i'm making progress faster than some other clients she's had (though that's been w/ clients she no longer sees). she probably says that stuff to make me feel better or that i'm not alone, but i'm worried that she'll talk about me to her other clients and i feel a little uncomfortable with that.

is this something to be concerned with? has anyone here experienced this?

Any therapist is going to guard your essential privacy, by which I mean your identity and the details of your sessions. If they violate that duty, they should have their license revoked.

Most therapists will not see any harm in making highly generalized and impersonal references to clients they have seen, for the purposes of illustrating a point. Clients understandably see their own cases as unique, painful and difficult. Therapists see so many cases that from their perspective it seems the whole world is in therapy and many of the cases have strong resemblances one to another.

If your therapist in speaking of other cases to you did not broach essential confidentiality, but rather spoke at large, with the clear aim of helping you understand her point, not merely gossiping or chattering, then I'd accept that as professionally acceptable behavior and wouldn't worry about her discussing you with anyone else -- unless perhaps she consulted on some aspect of your case with another professional. That's allowed. It is even smart to consult if she is feeling doubtful about the best approach to meeting your needs.

addendum: since it bothers you, bring it up. tell her that you've noticed her referring to other cases from time to time, in a general way, and you have uneasy feelings about her saying anything about you during other sessions with other clients. her most likely response would be, ok, i'll respect that. when you are further along, this may not seem so threatening as it does today.

Aimless otm. Bring it up, if only that yr therapist can be aware of any underlying insecurities there

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cph-lckkLs8

thanks, i might just talk to her about it. i don't think there's anything to be worried about, she's not as bad as that larry david clip, but might as well talk about it as part of the whole deal.

Recovery is painful as fuck. Now I understand why so many people don't bother with this.

Sorry to state the obvious here but things that are worth doing are usually pretty goddamn difficult. I've been seeing a therapist myself and trying to make changes to my life and it's easier said than done. Hope things work out for you

Spectrum otm about painful as fuck. But the only way to put that pain behind you is to go through it to the other side. Otherwise it is just sitting there, like a malevolent ogre, right in your path and you can never move forward, only backawrds, crabwise, or in circles.

Yeah, totally. The crazy thing is that it's always been there, just hidden or constantly dodged, like spending everyday running. Now I'm just letting myself experience what's always been there... it's pretty intense.

It's ok by me if you do a bit of screaming and weeping. You know the kind, where the veins stand out on your forehead and spit flies out of your mouth from yelling, or you wail at the top of your lungs like an inconsolable infant. I can take it. ;-)

At least then you know you aren't depressed for a bit!

what do you guys think of scientology as an approach (divorced from its scamminess)?

wow! when did the split happen?

I like my drugs, personally. xpost

i think there's some apostates who practice and administer the 'tech' on their own.

i don't think it is possible to divorce scientology from scamminess. but the dianetics thing strikes me as a recapitulation of stoicism. read marcus aurelius and epictetus if total self-control appeals to you, but stay far far away from anything scientological is my advice. tbh, i'd nix the stoicism, too.

i haven't read dianetics -- mostly read descriptions of 'auditing' and it seems like it could possibly be a reasonable form of CBT, especially if it depersonalizes unwanted thought patterns as some outside, alien thing, not something to blame oneself for (though i doubt the xenu stuff comes into practice) it's weird to think of scientology as less stigmatizing than straight up therapy though.

Scientology is a scammy scam and its practices are designed to recruit vulnerable people and take their money; it really doesn't have any place in this thread.

xp That sounds horrible, and getting involved with a cult is not a great way to move on with your life. It's like replacing alcohol with heroin. In fact it's completely absurd!

i know someone with both serious mental health issues as well as serious physical health issues who was a scientologist for many years, and i can tell you right now that dianetics will only fuck you up further and there is absolutely no merit in even considering it as a viable option for treating depression.

what about unlicensed therapy in general, though? I get the feeling a lot of bartenders end up being ears for a lot of regulars.

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Reevaluation Co-counseling is similar to the therapy side of Scientology, without the aliens, but should probably be avoided just as much.

I've started looking into Drexel's social anxiety treatment program. Hopefully it's not students/faculty only and open to the general public.

I've also started lookin into school options, but it's rough- everything for "mature students" is shoved off onto satellite campuses and the courses are all business/IT/accounting shit. It's bad enough knowing I'll never have a real student life without the realization that getting a liberal arts education is no longer a possibility. I just feel I have to do something IMMEDIATELY because I've been putting off my life for so long, I'm running out of time (fucking 30 in 6 months) and I could not give less of as hit about my job and I can't take crying myself t sleep alone after another wasted day one more time.

The "real student life" thing is a total myth, dude. Don't let that figment stand in your way--what about all the people that work to put themselves through school a few classes at a time and never go to any events, or ppl who transfer from a community college, or are returning adult students changing careers, or anything outside the norm, which is normal dumb 19-year-olds who don't know anything yet? You wouldn't like most of those people anyway, and it wouldn't change you or fix your problems. Focus on learning stuff and connecting with people who are in your classes instead!

Also why would you have to take classes with other "mature students"? Can't you enroll in Philosophy Survey 101 if you want?

Hang in there, Tt, it's possible to get through this. I'm about to hit 30 and feel some of the same pressure. That motivation you have is key to solving this shit, but it's hard fucking work man. If you had a less than thrilling childhood make sure you get into a program or read up on abuse if you haven't ... understanding that stuff's helping me more than the usual Cure Social Anxiety in 30 Days! kinda shit. I was raised as the family trash can and grew up in a blue collar, kunckle-dragging beat 'em up kinda town, so working through that's been way more helpful than "learning how to be more confident" or whatever shit they tell ya about.

This book was helpful. I'm not sure I buy the dude's premise totally, but it helped me to figure some things out that aren't covered in the usual CBT/therapy canon. www.amzn.com/0757303234. There are also a whole load of websites out there that have been fairly useful, too. Are you seeing a therapist regularly?

oh yeah, if that link sounds like your cup of tea, I can ilxmail you a pdf.

Why wouldn't you be able to get a liberal arts education now? There are plenty of people 30 and over who have done so. Xpost

yeah my (late) grandfather did both BA and MA in liberal arts in his late 70s!

because it's all pointless. everything is pointless

Oh yeah?! I dare you to go on over to I Love Books and say that, Nhex. We'll reply, "So, who cares? The liberal arts are stimulating and fun. Go spit in somebody else's drink. We are happy here."

hehe

sorry, i crossed 30 a little while back and still haven't gotten off my duff to go back to school either so i am in tune with this particular despair

let's grouse about valentine's day

valentine's day goes off the rails and straight into train wreck territory sometime around puberty.

only if you let it, imo. for me nothing saps the spirit like christmas. i'm so glad the holidays (tm) are over for a nice long while.

I've never celebrated it, aside from making valentines for my friends and buying discount candy the day after, but it will be my first uncoupled one in awhile. But yes, Christmas is the soul-suckingest holiday.

Kids at my elementary school were hooking up in the 4th grade and Valentine's Day ceased to be about fun cards dropped in decorated milk cartons, punch, cupcakes....really early on. I can totally relate to the Charlie Brown Valentine's Day special. In high school girls were walking around with huge bouquets of flowers, bear and balloons. It was insane. They all got married or pregnant before 20 though so looking back there was serious courting going on. Valentine's became cool when I started making cards for friends.

My friend is throwing a potluck! Valentine's Day is saved! (Provided I don't have social anxiety and panic at the party. Fortunately this is a friend who is aware of and sensitive to my issues.)

And yeah, I remember kids in middle and high school getting balloons and candy grams and crap delivered to class. Why is that BS allowed? Totally disruptive & annoying.

carnations

Those are for funerals.

haha really? in my high school they were delivered to objects of affection. (i did not get any, sigh)