Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

hello I am GOD'S MATCH FOR YOU

how badly could god fuck up, all things considered?

I've received three considered messages (from people who look like actual matches and not people desperately casting lines at random) in the last...six hours? After having received zero messages since sometime before the holidays. Wwwwhat'supwiththat, OKC? Not complaining! Except this does come immediately on the heels of my putting a notice in my profile that I'm too broke to date atm. Drat.

xpost Yeah, but I wanna know whether God had a lot of input on their algorithm or if he's just lending his name to it like that shitty Spanx ripoff he was flogging on QVC a couple years back.

One of my friends said I should look for dates on Christian Mingle.

So, after a lot of internal conflict about how okc has become really depressing for me (given that my profile has reached its expiry date or whatever, such that my ego is hurting from the fact that I get a fraction of the messages/replies I used to, and the one person I thought I had a connection with is most likely leaving me out in the cold) and despite my repeated attempts to take a break or at least leave my account alone, I've arrived at the solution of setting up an additional account. In other words, this is my response to my call to cut down on okc. Ay ay ay...

Anyways, its a long story, but I want to try playing around with an anonymous (i.e. Photoless) account where I honestly and frankly lay out my sexual apprehensions (i.e. virginity) and use that as a platform unto itself. Probably a self indulgent thing to do, but I am getting NOWHERE otherwise.

I cant say I ever go for people who have no pics on their profiles but hey, if its just an experiment...

In re: my last post, I currently have tentative dates lined up with no fewer than...six? (seven?) OKC ladies, without having expended much more effort in their pursuit than a little casual conversation. And this after months of getting almost no indication of interest from anyone. So patience occasionally pays off. The secret is apparently being so broke that you can't afford to go out on dates and openly stating as much in your profile. Who'dathunk that would be a draw? I do think there's something to the "NY resolution" and "seeking a warm body for the winter" theories of increased OKC activity. But, y'know. Gift horses' mouths and all that.

atlantic trollin

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/01/a-million-first-dates/309195/?single_page=true

so much bullshit to unravel

instances of:

interviewed women = 0
wife-blaming = 1

Trollin hard.

Past girlfriends had complained about his lifestyle, which emphasized watching sports and going to concerts and bars. He’d been called lazy, aimless, and irresponsible with money.

*gag*

Mate scarcity also plays an important role in people’s relationship decisions. “Look, if I lived in Iowa, I’d be married with four children by now,” says Blatt, a 40‑something bachelor in Manhattan. “That’s just how it is.”

lol *retching noises*

Justin Parfitt, a dating entrepreneur based in San Francisco, puts the matter bluntly: “They’re thinking, Let’s keep this fucker coming back to the site as often as we can.”

ahh, here we get to the meat of it

People seeking commitment—particularly women—have developed strategies to detect deception and guard against it. A woman might withhold sex so she can assess a man’s intentions. Theoretically, her withholding sends a message: I’m not just going to sleep with any guy that comes along. Theoretically, his willingness to wait sends a message back: I’m interested in more than sex.

oh, seriously?

lol iowa

I think my counter-argument would be:
- A lot of people have a stable relationship and/or having children as a major life goal, to the extent of prioritizing it above other life goals
- Some people jump into a relationship although they might not be that socially mature. Others have social maturity at a younger age. Some people are about as mature as they'll get at age 20.
- They're completely discounting the existence of people who have goals or interesting lives who either like dating casually or aren't into online dating

also, lol iowa

whats the gagging for? I watch sports and am all of the other things in that opening paragraph you fucker

I thought you have a lady who finds your wandering romantic, though

Interestingly though just this morning I was idly remembering the relationship I stayed in for 18 mos while wondering if that was as good as it got and dissatisfaction was the curse of modern life's endless variety, looking for a better match, etc. I had a moment of surprised pleasure thinking that I'd avoided any further ties with that guy despite my own self-sabotage at the time. It felt good to appreciate my freedom from that, not in a mean way, just...relief and delight.

I certainly have had this idiotic tendency to drag mediocre relationships out interminably in the past. I think I'd attribute its demise more to maturity and insight than constantly pursuing relationships to learn about myself. You can learn that stuff through other social interactions than spree dating, I would guess.

He worries that, with so many alternatives available, he won’t be willing to wait. ... He wants to be a nice guy, but he knows that sooner or later he’s going to start coming across as a serious asshole.

lol

good unintentional invocation of "nice guy" trope

I think I might be ready to have crushy feelings again. I haven't had the energy to bother with anyone lately, if I'm being honest, but I might now. I should make okc work a little harder for me.

How much of the enchantment associated with romantic love has to do with scarcity (this person is exclusively for me), and how will that enchantment hold up in a marketplace of abundance (this person could be exclusively for me, but so could the other two people I’m meeting this week)?

"Exclusively for me" is such a weird way to frame a first date. In fact I'm comfortable saying it's a bad way.

that's just how it works, you're shopping for the person you're going to take home and lock in your fortress forever

Yeah, it's a pretty terrible article all around. Wouldn't be surprised if "Jacob" was the author.

finally wrote up a full profile, feeling a wee bit intimidated also weirdly like browsing on Amazon

i get what you're saying (i think) L, about 'exclusively for me' but tbh this- how will that enchantment hold up in a marketplace of abundance (this person could be exclusively for me, but so could the other two people I’m meeting this week)? sometimes strikes me as the way a lot of people go about this these days. i'm all for an open marketplace and all, but idk does it leave a person always waiting for the next, better date to come along, and i'm not sure how *i* would cope like that (well, i'm sure- i wouldn't).

not that the two positions sketched out are the only two available, of course.

next better date only works within reason, anyway

it's like traveling on the interstate highway system, thinking "oh, I'm not too hungry yet, I'll wait until the next city" and that place ends up being two hours away due to a traffic jam and all they have that's still open is applebees

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secretary_problem

The problem has a strikingly elegant solution.

ok i'm sold. how do i figure out what e, the base of the natural logarithm, is?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E_(mathematical_constant)

Glad they went on to talk about the unknown quantity problem, as that was a glaringly obvious flaw in the 'strikingly elegant' solution.

^^ knows her stuff

man, that's filthy. 'n rankable applicants'

keepin on trollin

http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/01/sympathy-for-the-nice-guys-of-okcupid/266929/

I thought The Atlantic was supposed to be, like, SMART? Why are they publishing non-articles?

atlantic has a long history of trolling on anything involving feminism/gender

Their web presence is pretty much standard blogroll click bait now

I am suddenly a hot commodity on OkC, but seemingly okay dudes! And right when I am in the throes of a very dramatic affair. Interesting.

pvmic!

indeed

http://i.imgur.com/Zp0Lt.png

loll

Aw someone called me "scoopable."

He lives in Seattle.

scoopable in seattle

shit, I meant to type scoopless in seattle

Nice try tho