OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

Wish I stopped @ Luigi Nono's music was never going to change the world. A travesty.

Some of the other entries are terrible too.

I'm scared to read that

the thing I like about the smiths comparison is the fall sometimes sounds nothing like the smiths, but that track does sound something like the smiths. and the lyrics are more smithslike than other fall tracks too. and i love the smiths lyrics in that review!

mark e was always my favourite one of the smiths

Imagine a duet of mark e and Morrisey---a mash-up maybe---?

M-o-r-r-i-s-s-ey, that is (what, ah, you. ah, mmmeaan-ah----to me.)(that's my mark e imitation)

we did the sam fox thing up thread already?

I read somewhere that Morrissey couldn't stand being in the same room as MES bcz the latter always insisted in calling the former by his birth name Stephen (MES-is-a-prick-shockah)

Samantha Fox is such a wild dame.

I think of Shiftwork as the Fall's 'Smiths' record

maybe he was mad they named their band after him.

This is written in defense of Holopaw. The band has simply put too much time, love and care into their new record for this type of thing to occur.
In disheartening form, Paste Magazine published a snarky review of Holopaw's new Misra release, however, they clearly listened to the concept album in the wrong order. It's fair enough if the widely read publication doesn't take to the "unevenly epic Academy Songs, Volume I," however, it's not fair to criticize an album as "uneven" when you haven't even bothered to listen to it in the correct order.

In reading the Holopaw review, it seems Paste writer Beca Grimm spent little time with Academy, downloaded it incorrectly, and clearly didn't care to read the track order that accompanied the promo. Grimm writes:

"Academy" sparks with John Orth's cherub vocals as flint. Tiny embers glow quietly, transitioning into the demure, hotly narrative "Bedfellows Farewell."

But then a hiccup. Surely the band included "Chapperelles Interlude" in an effort to set the very deliberate, scholastic stage. Following hot on the heels, "Diamonds" comes off almost like a parody of the nostalgia Academy tries so hard to maintain. It doesn't work.

This review doesn't work. The song "Academy" does not transition into "Bedfellows Farewell," "Bedfellows Farewell" does not transition into "Chapperelles Interlude," and "Diamonds" does not "follow hot on the heels" of the latter. From there, Grimm goes on to further illustrate that she listened to the new concept album incorrectly and, in turn, issued an inaccurate, unfair assessment. Perhaps Grimm wouldn't find Academy Songs, Volume I lacks in "the final burst of tenacity needed to alleviate the audio blue balls it conjures" if it was listened to correctly? Then again, perhaps not, but Paste and Grimm don't even bother to give Holopaw a fighting chance here.

When you pour your heart into a new record and spend months and months preparing for its release, it's obviously disheartening to read a snarky review. Nonetheless, in requesting criticism, this misfortune is expected from time-to-time. What's not expected is that a widely read and highly influential publication will avoid taking proper time and care with your release.

When painstaking hours of hard work are tossed to the wayside in such a lackluster manner it's enough to put you on the defense. Really, what does this say about the trusted voices of music criticism?

layers within layers of steaming gibberish

"Academy" "Bedfellows Farewell" "Chapperelles Interlude" "Diamonds"

Looks like the reviewer listened to the tracks in alphabetical order - the download prob didn't have tracks numbers and played in file-name order.

"trusted voices of music criticism"

it's never nice to hear you conjured audio blue balls

ok this whole review would be a wow even if the author had listened to the tracks in order

http://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/2013/01/holopaw-academy-songs-volume-1.html

can remember twice when I experienced snow in Florida. The first time feels hazy—I recall stuffing my sparkly bangled arms into thick, magenta coat sleeves for the occasion but not much else. The second remains crystal: I stood outside a Tallahassee liquor store the day after Christmas two years ago. A Miami native and FLA-all-day gal, my mom looked around puzzled, a bottle of Bombay Sapphire fisted. “Ash?” she asked me. “Weird to be doing a controlled burn in the winter.”

poor holopaw

it's nice to know that the brent d-era pitchfork style lives on after deletion

i can confirm that this holopaw album is less than impressive

d'uh THAT was the concept.

oooweee
Academy" sparks with John Orth's cherub vocals as flint. Tiny embers glow quietly, transitioning into the demure, hotly narrative "Bedfellows Farewell."

I'm sure this guy has his fans and making an effort is better in principle than hacky boilerplate but sweet Jesus no.

http://thequietus.com/articles/11264-my-bloody-valentine-live-review

haha he is overreaching somewhat

"jungle love"

holy shit. i obviously fast-forwarded to the end, which was even worse than i had imagined.

I mean he can obviously write and there are some good sentences but that ending is unforgivable. Also, the meaningful epigraph thing has been done to death.

"teenhood"

His style's given to hyperbole and flights of fancy, but JC's a good sort in my book.

The sort of writing that helped hasten the end of Melody Maker in the nineties.

made it to "de-materialised"

"Maybe God"

perhaps he was thinking of Tricky's short-lived 90s project Nearly God.

To be fair, I remember finding this kind of overwriting very exciting as an MM-reading teenager circa 1989, so I'm sure that some Quietus readers think of Calvert the same way I used to think of Chris Roberts at his purplest, which I now find unreadable. I blame shoegazing. Sonic cathedrals redux.

nah, i love florid prose and this isn't a case of "too much" this is just v. bad florid prose

The sort of writing that helped hasten the end of Melody Maker in the nineties.

Naw the music they covered did that perfectly well.

Well, yes.

I suspect here that MC is referring to the last year or two of the tabloid-sized Maker, and AG to the magazine-sized one that hatched as, presumably, a misguided attempt to bump up its sales

well, the writing on the wall was when they gave Catatonia album of the year and that was old style broadsheet MM

By the time MM reached its terminal phase nobody was writing like this. This has much more of a late 80s/early 90s pre-Britpop-triumphalism vibe. I don't remember when the relaunch happened.

And I was just about to say Catatonia never got AOTY but I googled it and holy shit you're right. Catatonia > Beastie Boys > Mercury Rev > Pulp > Air.

I never forgave them for it

http://www.rocklistmusic.co.uk/mmlists_p2.htm#1998

Head Music getting AOTY in 99 was just as bad (and I loved the 1st 3 Suede albums)

If you're going to be purple, you have to communicate accurately and choose the right words. Calvert doesn't. So it reads like undergraduate wanking, interspersed with odd sports commentator asides.

Easy sample: "MBV are, in a very real way, able to summon divinity. That, or the secular equivalent." Well, no, because the very nature of divinity is that it has no secular equivalent.

"MBV are, in a very real way, able to summon divinity. That, or the secular equivalent."

LOLz

xp Head Music?! Christ.

I know 1998 was a weak year but it can't have been as bad as that MM list makes out. There are maybe 10-12 albums on there that I would bother with now.

Here's the NME list for 98: http://www.rocklistmusic.co.uk/1998.html

MM had obviously "invested" in Catatonia that year. Or Allan Jones loved it above all else.

MM just sunk so low in its final years.