Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

Yeah, I understand "cooked by you and brought to me on a platter" is a popular choice with some dudes.

hardly gets to the heart of the matter tho

So today a girl from OK Cupid tried to give me a Friend with Benefits Contract.

Consistent Friend with Benefits: Fundamentals

1. 1 You cannot fall for me.

a. If you have any strong feelings for me consult with me immediately we will resolve the issue

b. If I find out before you tell me yourself, I will leave, no warning, no explanation.

2. 2 I am your ---- buddy, no one else’s, (mutual)

a. We are not “serious”, however I do not sleep with more than one person at a time and neither will you

b. If you are interested in someone else you must let me know we will end it. If I find out you slept with someone else while with me, it is over you will regret it.

3. 3No room for jealousy

a. You are not allowed to be jealous of people I am hanging out with, people hitting on me, or ex-boyfriends/gf.

b. If you find yourself second guessing whether you are jealous or not let me know again if you do show any sign of jealousy it will end abruptly

4. 4No ---- left behind

a. You will not, nor will I, leave any belongings at each other’s houses, cars, or friends’ houses. No “her/his drawer”, No spare toothbrush, no hygienics,

b. I will leave room for accidents, if you unintentionally leave something at the others home, car, etc. you have 24 hours to retrieve it or let them know if they can discard it.

5. 5 No arguing

a. I will accept debates heated conversation and playful banter. As long as one or the other have no hard feelings

b. If you make the other scream, harsh, cry, etc. the relationship will end, abruptly there is no room for error

6. 6 ---- buddy is different than booty call

a. Every time we have sex we need to be hanging out before and after the deed is done. Cuddling is mandatory pillow talk is optional.

b. If there is a reason you cannot hang out or cannot stay afterwards discuss it, 3rd strike and you are out btw.

c. I do not come to your beck and call we decide mutually.

found that.

cool how Wes Anderson character's are finding their way into the real world

Yeah there's no way thats a real person.

If you have any strong feelings for me consult with me immediately we will resolve the issue

what a fun discussion

We are not “serious”, however I do not sleep with more than one person at a time and neither will you

This is totally not what a fuckbuddy is, what the hell is wrong with this person.

http://gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net/8019B6/data.tumblr.com/11df218356565c55f68fe77b51b4afed/tumblr_mfbbrfUmUl1s11bbpo1_400.jpg

thank christ i still inhabit a normal country

we'll see about that.

oh sorry, meant to post that to the guns and fried egg threads tbh

anyone experiencing a new year surge on these sites? feel like i'm getting loads of adds/messages on the guardian site lately, and from quite attractive people, without even having changed my pics.

Your profile was probably featured.

Eight people viewed my profile within the span of fifteen minutes on NYE, so I figured something was up. No new messages or anything, though. Whatevs.

looking for a last minute NYE date?

Two dates set up for my return to CA. Can't drum up any enthusiasm, but also can't continue being so damn picky.

been messaging one girl in particular whom i really like, she added me last week. was due to go on a date tomorrow but she rearranged to monday cos she's ill. obv that's the typical online dating fizzle-out, but later on in the same message she was quite effusive about wanting us to meet and was really direct about me and my appearance and stuff, very unusual for these sites, i hardly knew how to respond!

could actually be something worthwhile as we've been having really good conversations about music and movies. i had basically ignored any/all online profiles since a really anti-climactic date around july or august.

Yeah, man, there are a lot of germs floating around out there right now. I'm pretty relaxed about illness-induced date delays in the wintertime (particularly as I've had to do that myself).

and was really direct about me and my appearance and stuff, very unusual for these sites, i hardly knew how to respond!

"Really direct" how? It might be a gay male thing, but guys I talk to online are not reluctant to get into specifics about looks (specific compliments or how I compare w/ their type).

I think that might mostly be a gay male thing, unfortunately. The world of hetero courtship is far more often a labyrinth of insecure second-guessing and hesitant half-steps.

Well, that explains why my messages of "your breasts are way slammin', can I buy you a latte" are not working

do you follow that up with "you look good, let's get to rammin'?"

depends on the latte

The latest message I got was one last week that started with, "You're a handsome man." I decided that I don't want to say stuff like that to start off with, and it isn't my top choice of incoming first message, either. However, forgoing such messages has meant a decline in the number of guys I contact.

The previous to last message I got from a guy said, "Hey man u lking? I'm horned up."

U str8z shd try that approach.

you are failing because the phrase is in fact "hecka slammin'"

I get skeevy "u look good wanna massage?" shit a bit, they get the instant ban hammer from me.

"Really direct" how? It might be a gay male thing, but guys I talk to online are not reluctant to get into specifics about looks (specific compliments or how I compare w/ their type).

i think any comment on physical appearance is rare enough ime on these sites, tho maybe that is typical of hetero exchanges. (not that i doubt loads of guys send "i want to bone u" or whatever)

it wasn't like racy or whatever, just she said i had sexy eyes, in a bit more detail than that. it probably sounds slightly lol to act as if that's a big deal but in the world of the online dating site it sort of is... i really had to think about how to respond in kind without sounding cheesy.

we'd already been messaging for a bit and i think it was her way of showing that rearranging tomorrow to monday wasn't out of disinterest. i actually quite like her style, better to both be clear you think each other is hot rather than going on a date with somebody whose motivations are vague even to themselves (and these sites are full of that.)

I get more generic 'you have nice eyes' type comments, and they're tricky to respond to. I always get the feeling that the person thinks they ought to be saying something like that, regardless of whether or not they particularly like my eyes (I'm sure some of them actually do). I pretend they haven't said it. They can make their mind up about me, my eyes, and the rest of me if/when they meet me. Hmmm, I seem to be a total curmudgeon on this site in a way I'm generally not.

Once I went on a date with someone who had listed his dark and piercing eyes as a good feature . He kept his shades on until we'd walked about 10 mins and sat down on a bench, then dramatically took them off. They were indeed dark and piercing. I'm not sure what he expected me to do.

yeah my experience is on a diff site. i've never really had a good experience on okcupid.

lg fwiw i don't think irl couples ever have good discussions about movies or music so this sounds like it won't go anywhere imo but gl

^twaddle fyi

protip imo

:)

Lol @ shades guy!

shades guy is very lol. imo little episodes like that make life worth living. i have always depended on the looniness of strangers.

strangers, friends, parents

ilxors

http://i.imgur.com/zi7hd.gif

A buddy of mine who recently got engaged to someone he met on Match said there was a big surge in dates for him last January (his fiancee being one of those). He went from going on one date every couple months to having several in one week. Maybe it's a New Years resolution thing? I also noticed more looks than usual on my profile this week.

lg fwiw i don't think irl couples ever have good discussions about movies or music so this sounds like it won't go anywhere imo but gl

We don't know each other well enough for the "do you fancy her/him" or "where is this really going" chats

just start off with the 'why do you always hold your fuckin fork like that, it's driving me fuckin crazy, do you know how difficult it is for me to even look at you anymore' banter, see how it goes. you'll soon know if she's the one

I think I kinda blew it because I messaged a guy and said I messaged him because he said he liked being slapped in the face. No response. GUESS I SHOULDA FIGURED.

That's funny, because someone "starred" me yesterday who says in his main profile that he likes BDSM and tying people up and owns handcuffs and blindfolds. He may even now be wondering why I haven't written him back.

Well I have noticed almost every dude answers the slapped in the face question with "Horrified" and this particular guy said "Aroused" so I wrote him solely for that reason. Although it might be more fun to slap someone and have them be horrified.

This is not OK Cupid, but ...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v335/gypsyfrocksbedlam/Singlechristian_zps0bb91a2a.jpg

hello I am GOD'S MATCH FOR YOU

how badly could god fuck up, all things considered?

I've received three considered messages (from people who look like actual matches and not people desperately casting lines at random) in the last...six hours? After having received zero messages since sometime before the holidays. Wwwwhat'supwiththat, OKC? Not complaining! Except this does come immediately on the heels of my putting a notice in my profile that I'm too broke to date atm. Drat.

xpost Yeah, but I wanna know whether God had a lot of input on their algorithm or if he's just lending his name to it like that shitty Spanx ripoff he was flogging on QVC a couple years back.

One of my friends said I should look for dates on Christian Mingle.