Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

he's been that guy for a good 10 years

the only pleasure I can take is him not knowing that I know and continue to remain a cypher to him

eventually he'll short-circuit

ENBB, ignore it and if she asks you about it, act shocked and tell her you'll check your spam for her important mail. GRRRR hate people trying to assert control of their surroundings when it's also everyone else's surroundings, and they really have no business telling you what to do in that setting.

My office is undergoing major renovations. For the past months, there's been plastic on the floor, unplugged refridgerators, weird dudes walking around and general disorder.

Remember that scene in 2001 when the monkeys woke up at dawn to find the monolith outside their cave? This is what we were met with when we came in on Monday.

http://i.imgur.com/p0MA3.jpg

That wasn't there before.

On the other side of that plywood box, their drilling holes scooting big heavy objects around on the floor, talking politics and using something that must be a forklift that goes beeeeeep-beeeeep-beeeeeep every few minutes.

It's starting to get to me.

Since we're all playing musical chairs after the Christmas break, the office held a contest with the winners in five categories getting $100 a piece. My group was spotless, I tell you this as truth. But some of the categories we weren't even in the running, like "Best Before Cleanup" and "Most Improved".

My boss handed hundred-dollar bills out like candy. Must've been 25-30 individuals overall.

When it came my group's turn, she gave us a consolation prized and handed us boxes of candy like they were hundred-dollar bills.

God, I try not to be a jealous person. I revel in the successes of others. But my ass was fucking burned on this deal. Especially the most-improved guys - their desks were still stacked with crap while ours were clean and sparse.

I told them that I was going to take a big shit on my desk and just leave it there for the next 11 months. That way, I'll be a shoo-in for "most improved".

They say I'm going to get a window office after all is said and done. That sad little fact is my carrot right now.

Habit 1: Be Proactive
Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind
Habit 3: Put First Things First
Habit 4: Think Win-Win
Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
Habit 6: Synergize
Habit 7: Touch Their Arms

Habit 8: Be Killed By VG

That's not really a habit as it can only happen once. Maybe make it one of his 'stretch goals'?

the other day I printed out a large set of large spreadsheets a3 without checking the page ratio first. Cue endless reams of A3 pages with five lol HUEG orange cells on like I'm doing a presentation to toddlers, while I try to figure out how to stop this incredibly noisy printer I've never used before in an office I don't usually work in.

oh that was in response to ENBB upthread. I'm not just pointlessly bitching about myself out of the tedium of it all.

Here's what you do with the granola.

Open the bag.
Walk over to your passive aggressive coworker's desk.
Grab a handful of granola.
Throw it in the air like confetti so that it lands on her head and desk and yell HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Grab more granola.
Eat it.
Walk back to your desk.
Send a huge job to the printer next to her.

I like the way you think, lady.

btw - I didn't respond, kept printing, and gave her the stink eye.

Until September we had a line manager who would ask us before doing anything (ok, only because he had no idea what was going on), so the new line manager is a bit of a shock.

One of our team is leaving and the line manager was all like "sure, we'll advertise for a replacement". The "replacement" is actually going to earn more than us and manage some unspecified people, possibly us or possibly people brought in from outside to do our jobs with less experience (it's a pretty niche field) for more money. We find this out not because our manager said but because someone happened to read the job ad on the puffy promo blog for a completely different part of our department.

PS there is no chance that any of us could go for the jobs because we don't have "modern" skills, but if we'd ever wanted to modernise skills we'd have been told to shut up and do our jobs because there's no time to learn new things and no money for training and what would we ever want with new skills anyway, everything works just fine, etc.

I mean I get that this is how the real world works, but, y'know

xp What a total clungie. I'd be tempted to minimise every single one of her concerns for a month, just because I could.

also, GAHHHHHH on behalf of spacecadet.

carl I need you in my office

wait

lol that sounded like a weird managerial come on. I just meant, carl would be greatly appreciated by me as a coworker

better.

*puts hand on VG's arm*

Hi, VG, what I can do for you, VG?

[miss piggy karate chop action sequence here]

FUCK:

When talking on the phone with the local State's Attorney regarding stuff that is absolutely CRUCIAL to a case, maybe you should get the spelling of his not-so-common last name instead of writing it phonetically because you had "urgent stuff" to talk to him about.

I tracked him down and the phonetic spelling vs. actual spelling were equivalent to "Derrick O'Donnel" vs. "Barack Obama."

The guy who sits directly next to me has a cold and is sucking snot up his nose with a huge wet snorkeling sound roughly every 10-15 seconds. I had headphones on most of the day but am nearly ready to leave and so have been listening to this for the last 15 minutes or so and I am ready to either fire-ax him in the back of the neck or vomit copiously at his feet. It's fucking repulsive.

ugh, we have a high school intern that did that. my boss walked over a box of tissues to him and said "use these, now".

hero

i can't imagine being a schoolteacher during cold and fly season and having to listen to that every second

lol flu

lady next to me has flu atm and every time she coughs it sounds like there is something living scrabbling about in her throat tryin to get out

btw vg my internet diagnosis book sez yr boss is probably racist and stamps on puppies too, but it is an older edition so idk

noted
thx deems

coworker has the flu, coughing fits give me the heeb

oops heebie jeebies

super-positive Mr Nice Guy manager has all these behaviours he learned from business self-help books - the worst of which is TOUCHING MY FUCKING ARM WHENEVER HE TALKS TO ME.

I went to a local event a few years ago, and the town supervisor did this to me. UGH.

it's the worst, right?

It is the worst, but I did just say 'Can you stop touching my arm please' to a manager who used to do this and he didn't do it again, possibly to anyone.

Possibly depends on who's doing it though. I liked it when the cute canteen cashier girl did it to me. But probably goes without saying.

I just know I'm gonna be txted a jillion times during my 3 weeks off that just started because the guy doing my work while I'm away went "yep... uh huh ... ok" to all my overview/training/catchup shit.

That, or I'll get back in 3 weeks to the equivalent of leela stuffing papers into potplants shrieking "paperwork... so much paper" and I'll have to do 3 weeks of catchup ;_;

Me:
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_8UHCBcGxl_Q/TIGPecMym9I/AAAAAAAAAHg/NIPuEdQVB14/s1600/hermes2.jpg

That guy:
http://pool.theinfosphere.org/images/thumb/9/96/Scruffy_promo.jpg/225px-Scruffy_promo.jpg

Our resident Alpha Male With A Sensitive Side got a puppy over the weekend. As a result, this week's shouted conversations about How Great Guns Are and How Amazing My Girlfriend Is and How Heavenly This Leftover White Chicken Chili is have dissipated in favor of How Awesome My Puppy Is Look At This Shitty Cellphone Video and Here Is How To Assert Yourself As The Leader Of The Pack A Book Told Me So.

The secretary, who complains a lot about the privileges we all have, was working at my desk. She went through my drawers, looked at my graduate work, etc, did her nails at the desk. And it was all like, "gee I sure hope I can do graduate work some day. I love real estate!" Like, I'm not going into real estate for grad school. Listens to my mp3s. Fine, I'm a generous person....

I'm expected to put up with her and then clean up after her. Of course I was raised not to make people feel bad and to grouse.

I guess I'll just chide myself for not being a better person. I mean, it's the holidays. I won't have much of one, but I think she needs another happy family holiday and I don't have much of one to look forward to anyway. M

for christ's sakes everyone is basically off next week but determined to be a complete pain in the ass on their way out.

process that has been run weekly for over a year suddenly cannot be run. dollar amounts that have been disclosed for the past three years suddenly cannot be disclosed. FUCK YOU.

It's possibly a gross overreduction/simplification on my part but this thread has, for real, not joking, done a huge deal to make me not ever want to work an office/cubicle type job.

Has anyone had much success w/ PCSX2?

as a method of dealing with my office job? nope ;)

OOPS WRONG THREAD LOL

It's possibly a gross overreduction/simplification on my part but this thread an office/cubicle type job has, for real, not joking, done a huge deal to make me not ever want to work an office/cubicle type job.

fixed

It's possibly a gross overreduction/simplification on my part but this thread has, for real, not joking, done a huge deal to make me not ever want to work an office/cubicle type job.

I've worked in grocery stores, at retail store, in the woods for the US Forest Service, in a flower shop (delivery, sales, design), delivering pizzas, waiting tables and tending bar in several restaurants (including serving on a yacht), and in a couple of offices, and in my view, offices are no worse than any of the other settings. For me, office work is preferable, particularly b/c I don't have to deal with the public as much.

I love dealing w/ the public though :(

Oh. Carry on, then.

I'm very good at customer service, but I don't like doing it.

i am awesome at computer-nerdy stuff like edi and spreadsheets and finding out things, even hand-keying huge orders I'm clam-happy. just pleeease don't make me call anyone or be called by anyone ;_;

I don't know if I actually like working with the public or not, but I'm very good at it, so it feels as though I like it.