Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"I guess they didn't mean cross country literally."

"This is the last time I go off piste."

Green cactus is much harder than black diamond.

"We shouldn't have dropped acid before hitting the slopes."

"Did you notice how much the sun is wobbling?"

"Didn't I tell you: Waterskiing in the desert in winter is a fundamentally stupid idea??"

"I don't care where Canada is"

"next time we're definitely paying for the ski-lift"

"sacking my agent tomorrow, classy remake of the prisoner he said"

"YA I FUCKING KNOW IT'S HOT, OK? I KNOW. I KNOW IT'S HOT, I KNOW YOU'RE THIRSTY, I KNOW WE DON'T KNOW WHERE WE'RE GOING, I AGREE WE'LL LIKELY DIE SOON"

ESTRAGON:
Well, shall we go?
VLADIMIR:
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

^ Hoping to make that the new "Christ, what an arsehole", tbh.

I went with "Are we nearly there yet?"

"these pretzels are making me thirsty"

"Just imagine how great it'll feel to sit down by the fire with a mug of hot chocolate."

^ pretty good tbh!

"Machine wrapped, with butter?"
"Machine wrapped, with butter."

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/01/07/p465/130107_contest_p465.jpg

"I got this job because my previous employer was In-N-Out Burger."

"'Shake-It-All-About's late for work again."

"My previous job was working as a musician and DJ. But it all went downhill when I decided to change my style and sound like Burial. Have you ever heard of Skrillex? Yeah, well, that was me..."

"Better Out than In."

"I always wondered what 'management style hair' meant. Turns out that it means 'not that angular'."

ESTRAGON:
Well, shall we go?
VLADIMIR:
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

When the boss leaves we can use my glasses to make that Dd a Dood

how long before whoever is responsible for these cartoons starts just hawking phlegm onto a sheet of paper and folding it, rorschach style?

If they're short of phlegm, then they could use obscure MS Office clip art.

Editor (to cartoonist): "You know, I really used to like that old 'Get Your War On' cartoon. Can you do something for our caption contest that looks similar?"

"You should get a pair of these new stereo Goggle Glass augmented reality gadgets. They make everything look like a crap New Yorker Caption Contest."

IT'S A LIVING

as the out box, it seems like my time would be more effectively used walking around and dispersing these documents rather than waiting here passively for someone to come pick them up but hey IT'S A LIVING

"The boss is très riches."

"My previous job was as a Nana Mouskouri impersonator."

i'm trying to earn enough money to buy eyes

"If you think this internship is bad, there's a guy in the executive washroom whose job it is to hold the toilet roll."
"I know! I interviewed for that, but I couldn't maintain an erection for 10 hours."

"the gender dynamics of this whole thing are kind of funny on one level"

"I'd hate to be the shredder."

snoball is on fire!

"Christ, what an asshole."

"This is normal."

"My ancestors have all been indentured office workers since the 12th century."

"Being a Damien Hirst installation is the worst job ever."

Shotgun?

"Thirty years, huh? I'm sure Dad can fast-track you into management."

"I play Tetris in my mind."

"I'm not wearing any underwear today."

"A calculator and a clock, PC? Sounds like hours of fun."

"It was the Unabomber Manifesto that really got me into Survivalism."

"Bad weather forced us back before we could reach the pole. So how was your weekend?"

"No, you're confusing Fermat's Theorem with Fermat's Last Theorem."