Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

Yeah, figure with the people who drop off after a few messages that either life gets too busy, or they started dating someone else. Or maybe there's a bunch of 13-year-olds creating fake profiles to mess with people.

What I want to say to so many men on okc: Maybe if you cut all your hair off--in fact just go ahead and shave it--and never grew a beard again then we could talk.

tsk

So many beards. I'm just fed up with all thr beards. Theyre NAGL on the vast majority of you!

And that goes double if every pic of you, youre wearing sunglasses! FFS are you the unabomber?

I have no beef with beards but grave difficulty with soul patches, hipster hats, exclusively travel-based photos, exclusively snowboarding-based photos, and not bothering to crop photos to remove people who might prefer not to be in your OKC photo.

For the last, especially if it appears to be a date/ex gf! I mean!

And yeah if every photo of a guy shows he's been on a hike/been on a long bike ride/travelling in SE Asia, I'm just... no, sorry. Youre not for me.

Also frustrated by finding nice profiles with "and I plan to move to Europe shortly" in them. ARGH.

Got a message that included the line "I love the fact that you speak Serbian and Russian (albeit, not fluently). Where are you from originally? I was born in Italy, by the way, and I work as an Italian interpreter and translator."

I do not award points for languages either to myself or others, BY THE WAY

idk but my first reading of this i understood the guy to be saying "hey i think it's really cool/interesting that you speak other languages, i also speak other languages so we have that in common". also he is italian so english tones might not be his strong suit.

At one point I said "if all you want to talk about is travel then don't bother with me." I removed that line and the next person who hit me up was/is obsessed with Paris. Ugh. Luckily she's fairly interesting otherwise.

man, i had seen my husband's profile on a dating website while browsing, i would never in a million years have bothered contacting him - really into hiking, backpacking, mountainbiking (i'm lazy as shit), punk music (ughhhhh), vegan (this sounds about as fun as dating a xtian), well-travelled (i've never been anywhere), comp-lit grad school dropout (omg i'm too dumb to talk to this person). like, there is NOTHING there that would make me talk to him. and yet absolutely none of that stuff has been any kind of issue.

not to sound all braggin '12, just more like, don't despair.

J, I know, you're right. I dated a great guy from OKC for a year, but met him initially very much against my better judgement based on his profile. (he had many drawbacks, but for sure not the ones that I inferred from the profile). If I had a lot of spare time I'd meet a wider range of people from here. But a night not studying is currently a luxury and can screw up the whole week. Hoping this will change next semester.

Re the Italian guy, I know. I'm sure he's ok. But it's the tone. 'Albeit not fluently'?! 'By the way'? I get from that 'the most important thing to me is accomplishments but I'm not doing a great job of being subtle about it'. His English is perfect and I think he's likely first generation Canadian, not Italian.

I think I'd do better with bloody speed dating!

ahh i thought the "albeit not fluently" might have been repeating something from your own profile.

vegan (this sounds about as fun as dating a xtian)

at least if you date a christian you might get to have that egg casserole they have at fellowship time after worship

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/9e/Unabomber-sketch.png

hey baby . . . wanna see my loft?

xp to self: that's supposed to read "IF i had seen my husband's profile on a dating site"

xp to J - in the language section you tick a box to say whether you speak 'ok' or 'fluently' or 'poorly' or something like that. But the word 'albeit' is all his!

Man...all the nitpickery on display here and on OKC is kinda depressing. I'd primarily just like to meet someone who's kind and who I connect with and who can adapt as a relationship adapts. The rest is mostly so much unimportant decoration.

yeah, I think I'm just gonna close my OKC account if this current thing doesn't work out

Eh the "nitpickery" is really about signs that indicate who you're going to "connect with" imo. Apart from mine, which is about how much I hate facial hair.

The biggest problem I have with OKC is the large % of men that I'm sure are just fine but I'm not like DRIVEN to respond to their profiles by any very strong feeling, it's kind of a "Huh yeah, okay" generally positive but I don't engage. I should make a project of writing to like 5 ppl at once that I'm not sure about but are probably nice and normal enough.

I've seen both male and female ilxor OKC profiles that are intelligent but aren't at all pretentious, so I know it's possible. I'm just fed up with seeing people ramp up the pretension in ways that seem deliberate. I wish I felt differently about it, but I don't think of it as nitpicking. It's just a huge turn-off for me.

how do you feel about facial hair

I have no beef with beards but grave difficulty with soul patches, hipster hats, exclusively travel-based photos, exclusively snowboarding-based photos, and not bothering to crop photos to remove people who might prefer not to be in your OKC photo.

if I could grow facial hair I would have a photo displaying it proudly

Did I mention that the guy's profile name had the word 'Witty' in it? Anyway, I'll shut up now, because I can only imagine the number of ways in which my profile pisses off guys...

Haha yeah I didnt mean to come over as nitpicky either, i was just riffing on things, maybe out of despair more than anything.

i am trying to adapt to the browsing aspect of those website and it's been really hard.

I disabled my acct today, felt like a great burden had been lifted off my shoulders - guess I didn't realize what it had been doing to my self esteem?

Yeah, it can fuck you up if you don't have other outlets for meeting people. I've thankfully learned that lesson, but it doesn't make the urge to deactivate any less great.

Naturally, after I complain about no one writing/responding, I got six messages over the weekend. Clearly I just need to complain more.

guys:

http://niceguysofokc.tumblr.com

Yeah, I just discovered that after being puzzled by a "no Nice Guys Of OKC!" notice in someone's profile. Some of those dudes definitely seem gross, but that Tumblr is almost grosser, in its own special way. Reappropriation of OKC profiles, however abhorrent the users in question may be, is a straight-up douche move.

nah it's cool

http://niceguysofokc.tumblr.com/post/38389088658/someone-reported-my-blog-to-the-tumblr-staff-and

Oh seriously poor those horrible men, how dare someone take a thing they already chose/wrote to represent themselves to prospective mates and use it to point out what assholes they are.

I'm tempted to suggest someone whose profile I read last week that says, "You should be cute and smart and prepared to overlook a lot of flaws in a partner" which, while a tiny bit more subtle, is not "better."

Hm, I do have a bit of a problem in that if you've locked your profile to be visible only to logged in OKC members it is a breach of that to be having yr info spewed elsewhere. Its isnt strictly speaking "public" info. (unless you guys dont lock your profiles to OKC members only?)

Its all well and good to say "these guys are assholes anyway so lulz" but what if it was a bunch of asshole guys making "uglydogsofOKC.tumbler.com" and one of us ended up on it? I'd be beyond furious.

Not that I'm at all saying any of the crap those clueless twonks said is at all ok.

at all at all

First they cast the previously-mutable and -deleteable profiles of the douchey Nice Guys Of OKC in amber, and I said nothing because I wasn't a douchey Nice Guy Of OKC...

I.e. my distaste has absolutely nothing at all to do with defending those dudes' attitudes. Are we seriously at a point where reappropriation like this actually has to happen to people personally before they concede that it's maybe not okay? I mean, in this instance in particular, it isn't as if anyone actually browsing these dude's profiles is going to come away with the impression that they're prime dating material. But it's a slippery slope from this to an Ugly Chicks Of OKC Tumblr or whatever.

In summation, the internet is gross (shock).

Oh ha ha Trayce beat me to it while I was interminably thumb typing away.

public shaming has, and always will, be part of the internet

I feel like most of us here are reasonably well-qualified to judge what is douchey entitled asshole behavior and call it out accordingly, and not falsely equate it with things like "Ugly Chicks of the Internet." Those two things are not the same and they are not equally valid endeavors.

It has nothing at all to do with the intent of the endeavor and everything to do with bad-faith reappropriation of material that is ostensibly semi-private. Whatever the purpose behind it, I'd be furious to discover that someone was reposting images/words from my OKC profile somewhere else and having a laugh over it.

In that case you shd probably try not to be laughable.

hah you really have an expectation of privacy about the stuff you put on okcupid

dogg you are posting on a forum where people routinely c/p fb statuses and images to laugh at with other posters

dont put anything in your okc profile that you wouldnt printed on the front page of the nytimes in 72 font, is my advice

also try to use the times stylebook for phrasing

chicks dig the times

chicks dig the whoppers jr.