Letting Sleeping Dogs Lie...

Yes. I am. :-) However, it certainly wasn't anything in the line of the boyfriend scenario.

So all I can say is that you've got to ask yourself whether her behaviour was understandable, even it was wrong.

Initially I found her behavior baffling and later, painfully bewildering although I most certainly did understand that I'd hurt her and felt horrible about it from the outset. I made my apologies to her many times over even then. But I also think her expectations of me were far too high. She understood the ins and outs of the situation as well as I did and to ask me to walk away and start all over again with that kind of label hanging over me when she knew as well as I how completely unjust it was -- that's an awful lot to ask of a friend. And I couldn't do it. I did (privately) defend myself to a small handful of people but I later felt so remorseful at what I perceived to be my betrayal of her, that it felt as though I was choking on glass... Because that's how she did react to it -- as though I'd not only betrayed her, but also done it only for shallow gain -- what she defined as "betrayal for the sake of pure egoism". And of course, to want to defend one's reputation when accused of a vile course of action is an act of egoism, isn't it? So again, my defense of my self falls short.

Could you imagine yourself taking the position she took? I mean, you have to be kind of objective: I know she hurt you, but was what she did genuinely bad, or only bad because it hurt you?

I think what it comes down to is that I'd never do what she did to a friend. Quite frankly, I've had enemies I've treated better. In spite of that, I did put my guts on the line and go back and tell her that she was important to me and that I cared for and missed her, and she just wasn't interested. She more or less kicked me in the guts while I was bleeding. And even then, I still had to find a way to let go and grieve the loss of her in my life and move on -- all while I was juggling multiple losses and still had that accusation hanging over my head. I guess that I'm finished grieving now and I can't imagine going back... she was my friend and I loved her and certainly needed her in the darkness of those days, but she really wasn't interested in being my friend. The time for apologies and mending of fences was long past. It's too late now.

I guess maybe I have my answer.

Thanks muchly for the ear.

I think what gets to me is that it didn't need to be -- or at least, not in my interpretation of events. You'd mentioned respect and that's certainly important. By the end, I didn't feel respected, I felt used and tossed away. Perhaps she felt the same. If we could have talked about it we might have discovered that what felt like one thing on one side, had been intended very differently from the other side and perhaps made our peace with each other. However, when one person refuses to talk, you can't make those sort of discoveries or patch up the cracks while they're still small.

JACKPOT!