Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

Examining questions is of paramount OKC importance. I've seen relatively-low percentage matches with whom I shared near-identical responses and I've seen a ton of high matches with whom I didn't seem to have a single meaningful thing in common. People seem to be much less adept at cloaking their true selves when answering questions as opposed to finessing a profile that's engineered for maximum appeal. And then sometimes everything gets totally blown out of the water when you actually meet the person. Which calls into question the basic value of the site.

In other news: I saw no fewer than two OKC. matches out and about Friday night. There was no way I was gonna approach them in the moment, but is that a legit and non-creepy OKC icebreaker? It's an indication of shared interests, if nothing else, but I'm trying to imagine how I'd feel if people on OKC contacted me and said they'd seen me around...

Don't cross the streams, imo.

I could never do it, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be a good icebreaker. Tricky. The Quasi woman was a 97% match but the date went very badly. The basic value of the site is something I'm strongly questioning except as a way for people to connect in the first place. Dates seem more important.

(duh)

Absolutely. OKC is useful inasmuch as it cuts down on the "hey you're cute, let's date, wait whaddayamean you're an anti-birth control racist?" factor in dating, but it's a pretty terrible way to actually get to know people in and of itself. And given a lot of people's (ladies', anyway) reluctance to move on to the 'meeting in person' stage, the site just feels like spinningmywheels.com too much of the time.

yeah my friend describes it as a fantasyland, to the point of being unhealthy? like it's full of opportunities for false positives, so many metrics on which to assess other people and build these little perfect paper pagodas. I find it all to be exhausting tbh, I hardly ever go on it anymore unless someone messages me

I can say from experience that a number of OKC people I've dated have misrepresented themselves in one way or another. Usually just in terms of having a more idealized notion of self than was at all reasonable, but still. I can deal with an openly hot mess.

I feel I should also point out: one of my highest matches is an ex (who I did not meet via OKC) who I think very highly of as a person but whose notion of what she wanted relationship-wise vacillated wildly and almost daily while we were dating and seemed like a panicky overcorrection in opposition to the level of comfort I evinced or the amount of space I tried to give her (note: we dated for <2 months and I was careful to let things happen at their own pace while still making sure she knew I was fond of her). And so, given some of my experiences with the site, it seems perfectly fitting that she's one of my highest OKC matches.

Anyone else receive this message?

Hey there ***********!

Thanks for being a loyal and active member of the OkCupid community! We wish everyone could be such an upstanding citizen, but like any user-driven website, OkCupid attracts its share of trolls, scammers, and people who just don't follow directions well. To help minimize this element, we'd like to invite you to moderate the many reports of misbehavior that we receive daily.

Moderating can be fun, but it's not for the faint of heart. If you've never seen a rated-R movie in your life, you may want to sit this battle out. Otherwise, accept our gratitude for embarking on a journey into the dark recesses of online dating!

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Not me! I did report a dude the other day though, on a similar note. He basically messaged me with an offer of a "sensual massage" with a cellphone number, eerurrgh. :(

All I get these days is msgs from ppl who havent even read my profile, fat bearded roleplayers, and sleazy scammers :( No one replies to my messages. And the guy I was seeing has pushed me away, saying I could "have anyone i wanted".

Hes been on 2 dates since, I havent even had any replies. Fuck everyone. I hate this.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/21/okcupid-moderator-dating-website_n_1994775.html

i saw a crazy new dating thing today called Me So Far -- it's SUPER weird
you're supposed to put together a 5 min slideshow that shows, i guess, who you are and then at each meetup 5 people give their presentations and then everyone mingles for an hour or something

this is their description of themselves -- makes dating sound like a combination of a TED talk and The Moth?!

Imagine learning in one evening what might take 6 dates, or years, to learn about someone. Based in Chicago, Me So Far is a platform and event designed to bring what’s interesting about people to light. Because interesting people are attractive. Our sessions are curated, small-batch events with limited space. We bring together a group of diverse, single people – who otherwise might not have met, and give them a fun and efficient way to learn about the things that don’t come up in traditional conversation. On the right you’ll see the thinking behind Me So Far Story Sessions.

Our sessions are curated, small-batch events with limited space.

extra weird -- they have special events for "i'm a major/minor public figure" and "hot for teacher"
who does this "curated" format appeal to?

That all sounds so incredibly self absorbed, ew.

Also sorry about my bitter rant above there, I guess I have other issues clouding my judgement. bleh :(

I think it's weird they named their dating site something so similar to "me so horny". I mean, we're they not alive during the PMRC era?!

I love moderating! It's mostly funny and only sometimes alarming.

miso hor'nee

good christ that was a bad typo -- you know what i meant, stupid phone
also i realized that this is a service for people who don't want their dating profiles to be searchable -- i guess the bargain is required public speaking? sounds terrible, but of course i'm interested because i am a disgusting people watcher.

That site sounds horrible. Isn't OKC an awkward enough presentation already?

That's why I wonder who they are trying to appeal to -- apparently, at least in part, it's people who consider themselves "kind of a big deal" and people who respond to keywords "curated" and "small batch". Beyond that is anyone's guess.

Well, better to corral those people to their own dating site anyway.

Me So Far sounds like an amazing opportunity for people who are looking for a person who can articulate exactly what their goals are in life and have a strong vision. In other words, the people who talk to me for about two minutes at the bar before they realize that is not me.

glad you had an opportunity to make that joke, mh

Got a message that included the line "I love the fact that you speak Serbian and Russian (albeit, not fluently). Where are you from originally? I was born in Italy, by the way, and I work as an Italian interpreter and translator."

I do not award points for languages either to myself or others, BY THE WAY

been waiting for months

I was born in Italy, by the way, and I work as an Italian interpreter and translator.

Haha it's just so ham-fisted.

xp yes and also, it's the awful idea that some people 'love the fact' that other people can do some particular thing, without any idea yet of who that other person actually is. I 'like' things people can do when those things are part of their larger personality and a way for them to express it.

If I talk to someone and I find out they speak less than three languages I just walk away.

hey mh, I think you're generally a cool dude, but please no more of this casual asian-based humor. thanks

It seems reasonable to find it interesting and/or noteworthy that someone speaks other languages, I dunno. Sounds like it was the old "flatter someone else in the way that you like to be flattered" mistake, unfortunately.

what?

I have no idea what I was on about last night with the miso thing, but that was something LL said.

LL was pointing out that the name sounded pretty close to an offensive phrase, but I have no idea what you meant by what you posted. so please cut it out. thanks

I think I had just left a tapas place last night and we were talking about a local gay bar and I failed to mention my idea for a drag queen name combining the two

(small plate place had miso stuff, although no particular asian influence)

cool man, cool.

Man leave me outta this! I just posted that bonkers site because it had a name almost as ridiculous as its premise. I want someone to apply and see if they're accepted. There are no criteria for acceptance so far; it depends on whether or not the gatekeepers find you sufficiently "interesting."

we need to cross the streams and somehow get a PUA person into it

I feel like ineptitude in person is infinitely more nuanced and thus forgivable than ineptitude online, which is stripped of all other social cues and usually fatal. Like, that Italian dude probably isn't so bad, right?

No, I feel like he probably is, if the prospect is, like, being his partner/spouse. Maybe not for someone you run into at the watercooler. But how could you respect him after that...obtuseness?

no offense to any guys in this thread, because I think most ilx dudes are totally dateable and great.

but it just seems this is the bottom of the barrel, dude wise, when I look at OKC. I wonder if its the same looking at the chicks.

might be a cultural/socialization difference?

I think I had just left a tapas place last night and we were talking about a local gay bar and I failed to mention my idea for a drag queen name combining the two

hate when i do this

I mean I don't see anyone I even want to message, let alone date or have sex with.

I remember in 2004 I joined Nerve personals and it was full of lots of awesome, seemingly cool, good looking dudes! What happened, Denver?

There are a lot of reasonably good-looking, apparently basically literate, job-having, normal men in the NYC area on OKC so in some ways it's probably less depressing than other places.

Many of their profiles suggest that they're kind of jerks or kind of boring or kind of conservative or whatever, but they are at least actual people that someone might want to date.

yeah most womens' profiles I see on OKC look perfectly okay to me?