sleep is the most important priority here imo. as somebody said upthread, trying not to think too hard about it is key - that's why I'm a big advocate of good old talk therapy for chronic afflictions. you'll get to a much better place for sure. but for the time being so much has to do with where you're able to put your focus, imo. but that's after sleep. sleep will solve a whole lot of problems.
― too many encores (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 20:46 (eleven years ago) link
I'm sleeping around 6 hrs a night, but it's all drug induced
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 21:09 (eleven years ago) link
psych just offered to sign me up for some general anxiety/discussion group
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 21:10 (eleven years ago) link
maybe it will help?
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 21:11 (eleven years ago) link
I hope so. I am well past the point where I will try absolutely anything.
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 21:11 (eleven years ago) link
aero otm about prioritizing and talk therapy. definitely go for the group sessions
― liljon /bia/ bia (k3vin k.), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 21:32 (eleven years ago) link
I asked her to sign me up. I don't really know what to expect.
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 21:40 (eleven years ago) link
kaiser moves so slow and I'm like NOW NOW NOW
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 21:41 (eleven years ago) link
afternoons are the fucking worst
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 22:49 (eleven years ago) link
I know how hard it is and I'm really sorry. Have faith if you can; some of us have been to this chasm and come back better than ever, for real.
― too many encores (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 23:34 (eleven years ago) link
friend of mine found this show and said "ah, now I get what you're going through"
http://www.kcrw.com/media-player/mediaPlayer2.html?type=audio&id=uf121127silence
thx aero
yeah I am trying to be hopeful
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 23:48 (eleven years ago) link
I really hope you can find some peace with this man. I've been putting off going to an audiologist about my hearing: I'm supposed to have a punctured eadrum fixed but the surgery scares me and doesnt even guarantee full hearing recovery (and has a risk of worse tinnitus! no thanks), so I'm weighing up that v a hearing aid. Urgh.
― Una Stubbs' Tears (Trayce), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 03:36 (eleven years ago) link
no zoloft today. feel a little physically more together, still kind of shaky. my wife is of the definite opinion that it made me worse and that I look better so that's something.
trying to just cope and act normal, get into a routine
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 17:10 (eleven years ago) link
now I am the guy that calls the doctor every day to see if there's been any cancellations
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 19:23 (eleven years ago) link
I'm gonna get better goddammit
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 19:46 (eleven years ago) link
my dad and his partner are constantly emphasizing that I should get into some talk therapy asap (of course, the earliest appt I can get is still a week away). it's weird cuz I didn't feel like I really had any issues before this happened and now I'm like, was I in denial/is there something I was burying? I felt pretty good before this happened, felt like I was ready for a new baby etc. Relationship w/my wife is good, job is good, band was plugging along.
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 19:50 (eleven years ago) link
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZrxT4-q5Hrw/UH1kIPawjqI/AAAAAAAAJeg/7f8TCiH2Wao/s1600/you-can-do-it.jpg
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 19:51 (eleven years ago) link
ha
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 19:54 (eleven years ago) link
anyone know any good vibraphone-heavy albums that do not have a fucking saxophone on them
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, November 21, 2012 6:28 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
Tim Buckley - Dream Letter Live. The timbre of his vocals might be in a covering range for you too?Also, if Martin Denny was helping go directly to Les Baxter.And I feel like the orchestral music of Messiaen is full of timbres that could be good concealers.
I really feel for you, man. Thinking of u often.
― you only write about... pleassssure (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 19:59 (eleven years ago) link
xxpost it might be that you were toodling along just fine before all this -- but the anxiety brought on by the tinnitus is something new that, unchecked, can feed into a lot of other aspects of your life. the talk therapy should be really helpful in coralling & managing the anxiety, even if you still have to deal with the tinnitus.
is my guess :)
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 20:01 (eleven years ago) link
given my recent bout with insomnia I opted to rewatch Into the Night last night since it was on demand.... it's pretty stupid, kinda a weird thing for Landis to do. too much coke probably? very underwritten. it's like the west coast version of After Hours only not as good/interesting. also features Bowie pre-getting-his-teeth fixed.
xp
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 20:02 (eleven years ago) link
thx for the suggestions Jon. yeah I have some Les Baxter, altho the recording quality is not good. I've found that classical music tends to have too much silence/too many pauses in it lol
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 20:04 (eleven years ago) link
VG otm - you're mentally vulnerable right now, everything is gonna feel 1000x harder to cope with.
Wish nothing but the best for you - it sounds like hell. I'm watching my sister deal with chronic illness, and seeing how tough life is for her right now... I just really feel for you, and your family (I'm sure it's hard on you're pregnant wife, setting you suffer).
― just1n3, Wednesday, 28 November 2012 20:27 (eleven years ago) link
she has been really strong through all this. we are getting some help from friends and family, who have helped with our daughter and bringing us food and stuff, for which I am eternally grateful. but my wife has a well of fortitude that is really just unbelievable.
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 20:30 (eleven years ago) link
that's good to have.
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 20:32 (eleven years ago) link
yeah she is the best. I am very lucky.
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 20:33 (eleven years ago) link
can someone post me some "hang in there" kitten gifs or something. this is the worst time of the day for me
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 22:59 (eleven years ago) link
can I listen to Gang Starr and take notes on a conference call at the same time? let's find out
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 23:00 (eleven years ago) link
http://www.bz1-img.com/images_customers/07/64/27664147_201997_full.jpg
― have a sandwich or ice cream sandwich (Jordan), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 23:08 (eleven years ago) link
This isn't just Kaiser directed but by no means have any compunction about being the squeaky wheel looking for oil. The 'efficiency' of big institutions is indifferent to your specific case and being a pain-in-the-ass is often the only way to get adequate care.
― Un monde où tout le monde est heureux, même les riches (Michael White), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 23:09 (eleven years ago) link
http://i.chzbgr.com/completestore/2011/6/19/f4de4012-1bbb-4202-8468-df620679ad6d.jpg
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 23:10 (eleven years ago) link
I believe in u shakey. With a firmness that rivals adamantium.
― you only write about... pleassssure (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 23:15 (eleven years ago) link
shakey, if you are a person who can cry it might help you to get some privacy and cry your eyes out. be as self-pitying and furious and afraid as you like, it won't affect anyone else and you'll get rid of some physical and emotional tension. it can be very cathartic. a lot of the horribleness of health problems etc. comes from fighting them, not wanting to accept them, and i think crying can help lead to the surrender that hopefully leads to a bit of peace. i had debilitating chronic fatigue syndrome for several years in my early 20s and when i finally stopped spending all day resisting it things improved, even though i was still physically ill. i am really sorry you're going through this.
― estela, Wednesday, 28 November 2012 23:33 (eleven years ago) link
estela otm
― you only write about... pleassssure (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 23:37 (eleven years ago) link
At the very least, several good long screams into a pillow would be something different to listen to. Continued best wishes/good luck, Shakey.
― WilliamC, Thursday, 29 November 2012 00:38 (eleven years ago) link
time for some daily affirmations
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 29 November 2012 16:44 (eleven years ago) link
I am going to make it through another day with this
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 29 November 2012 17:09 (eleven years ago) link
HELL YEAH YOU ARE
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 29 November 2012 17:47 (eleven years ago) link
https://vondoviak.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/roadwarrior.jpg
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 29 November 2012 17:48 (eleven years ago) link
took 2 trazadone and half an ambien to go to sleep last night. woke up at like 3:30 - took another half an ambien but it didn't seem to do anything so I just lay there sort of half-asleep until finally dozing off again around 5:00. I understand why the psych nurse has been telling me to cut down the ambien, but this high a dose of trazadone seems to be giving me some weird side effects, maybe I should cut back on that too argh
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 29 November 2012 18:20 (eleven years ago) link
what kind of side effects are u having
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 29 November 2012 18:36 (eleven years ago) link
still a bit jittery, albeit not as bad as before. but also since I've started taking two a night I've noticed my vision is sort of weird - not blurry exactly, but more sensitive to light
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 29 November 2012 18:44 (eleven years ago) link
I guess on the upside they're not as *bad* as before, but still. hopefully you'll eventually get to a new kind of normal once you find the right mix of drugs
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 29 November 2012 18:57 (eleven years ago) link
for a little bit last night while I was in bed I was not aware of the tinnitus, it had merged with the cricket sounds of the noise machine I had and I could let my mind wander about various things, which seemed good even if I wasn't sleeping. and when I was asleep I had dreams, which has not been the case for awhile. so that seems like a positive.
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 29 November 2012 19:00 (eleven years ago) link
that's progress!
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 29 November 2012 19:05 (eleven years ago) link
so here's a weird thing that happened last night. I was going down the stairs and I noticed that when I put weight down on the balls of my feet and cocked my head to the right, I heard this weird balloon-rubbing sort of sound in my left ear (the one with the tinnitus). It didn't change the tinnitus, but it did it with every step I took. It felt like some weird circulation/pressure thing trying to work itself out. So then I went up and down the stairs a bunch of times, hopped around in the kitchen etc for like 10 minutes.
wtf body
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 29 November 2012 21:22 (eleven years ago) link
also fuck you tinnitus
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 29 November 2012 21:23 (eleven years ago) link
today has been Merle Haggard pretty much all day
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 29 November 2012 23:02 (eleven years ago) link
merle's good company
that's kinda weird what you said about that pressure feeling in yr ear. no idea what it means though, lol
~it is a mystery~
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 29 November 2012 23:09 (eleven years ago) link
once i had this crackling in my ear for like a week, every time i moved my head or swallowed. i had an appointment with an audiologist anyway (for ear plugs) and it turns out i had a hair stuck right against my ear drum, so it was acting like a piece of paper against a speaker. she went in with her little camera and tweezers and i was all good.
― have a sandwich or ice cream sandwich (Jordan), Thursday, 29 November 2012 23:11 (eleven years ago) link