Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"I know that's not a snow globe, Jim. You just need to do something about your dandruff."

"I have our future earnings report right here. Look deeply into my head."

"So would you say signs point to yes?"

These sales figures are gumbelievable!

"For Christ's sake, Bob, see a doctor and get that lanced."

"The suit passes muster, Taylor. It's the non-standard head that this board will not tolerate."

"Do nothing at all? You know, I like that, Brian."

"A vote of no confidence? You big fucking cum-bubble."

"We get it. This is about more than a new flavor of catfood. Goldfish have rights too."

"So how was your solo ballooning holiday, Cuthbert?"

"It's a big opportunity. You'll be the first Jehovah's Witness on the moon."

"Let me guess. The optician said it would give you insight?"

"I know it's American Global Domination day, Mike, but most guys just wear a lapel flag."

"You're cookin' up a real head of steam today."

"So, give us the pitch, Jack. Why is the future helium?"

"Every time he sneezes, General Electric catches a flu."

"That's wiped the smile off Mr Acid House here, hasn't it?"

"The Pillsbury company can never thank you enough, Doughboy."

"Let me get this straight. Iran is storing its poison gas right here in the Oval Office?"

"You don't have to explain, Kelly. I felt the same when I first read The Bell Jar."

"No, Tompkins, I have NOT heard of Moondog."

"Now, what can you tell us about the future of crystal, Ball?"

"Got a light?"

"Are you feeling lightheaded?"

"I can't help noticing you only have three pens in your pocket today, Mr Bharghantosaurilypsoposslethwanavadgerentyloscopybarndancebillowghramorgasmicblechingersolritual."

"For fuck's sake, Groper, not the Monty Python sketch again."

"The bowls are not what they seem."

"You won't inhale until we vote in favor of legalization?"

"No, Tompkins, I have NOT heard of Moondog."

― Grampsy, Wednesday, November 28, 2012 10:59 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this is killing me

"Daft Punk as a solo project? It'll never float."

"Hoo buoy."

"The Residents did it in 1974, Jenkins. And with a lot more balls."

"You've been down too long in the midnight sea, I fear"

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2012/12/10/p465/121210_contest_p465.jpg

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2012/12/10/p290/121210_contest_p290.jpg

"Well, everyone else was washing windscreens, so I just figured, 'what the hell'"

"Doctor Doctor, I feel like a cafe."
"I suggest you rest-aurant for a while."

"So far, so good. Now for the prostate check"

Okay, good. Now read the bill.

So... this is weird.

It was originally a typo, but Walk-On Clinic has some legs.

"My ipod's busted."

"Wh's the doctor here?"

I dunno, this is the most useless picture source. "My dog has no nose", whatever..

I have no suggestion, but the picture did remind me of this from Nathaniel West's novel Miss Lonelyhearts
"In the street again, Miss Lonelyhearts wondered what to do next. He was too excited to eat and afraid to go home. He felt as though his heart were a bomb, a complicated bomb that would result in a simple explosion, wrecking the world without rocking it."

"Breathe faster! I have another appointment in five minutes."

"I could kill you with just one thought."

"My life sucks. I can't wait for the future when you can get a heart monitor on a watchband"

"un-hunh, seems normal. ok, last question- are you still seeing these streets everywhere you look?"

"It's OK Doctor, I don't think I'm an iPod anymore!"

"Sometimes I feel I've got to...run away I've got to..."