Shakey Mo's thread of misery

maybe u could try an audio version of a book you want to read, if actual reading is problematic. dunno if the tinnitus would interfere with that still though...maybe you could try a podcast or two and see if it is easy to just listen to talking

u using in-ear headphones?

yes

i thought those weren't supposed to be good for hearing in general? i certainly find them uncomfortable and tinny.

somebody recommended Valerian tea to me for sleep, w/ the caveat that it smells like feet.

my mum used to drink that for her insomnia, she said it helped.

i thought those weren't supposed to be good for hearing in general?

I talked to the Kaiser audiologist about this and he was unconcerned.

tried Valerian, that shit fucked me up worse.

I am kind of on to a regular sleep regimen but yeah meds are required... I am trying to take solace from the numerous anecdotal stories friends and acquaintances have told me that basically amount to "oh shit yeah I had that and then one day I just woke up and it was gone". A bunch of people have told me this - and it seems more consistent with my lack of physical symptoms, some weird thing that's triggered in the brain and then just rights itself. In the meantime I am really having a difficult time from day to day and even hour to hour but I sort of have to believe this is what's gonna happen... most stories I've heard from people indicate a duration of a couple to a few months. I'm kind of surprised at how common this is actually.

and this is not internet anecdotes I'm talking about btw. (my wife has told me to stop googling shit about this and I'm sure that's in my best interest)

wife otm

UCSF not calling me back/still don't have an appointment. doctors' schedules are so frustrating. throwing around the word "emergency" seems to be helpful with the psych dept... I'm gonna stop taking this zoloft, it's just not workin for me. feel like all I'm gettin is bad side effects.

u try st john's wort?

don't combine that one with ssris, iirc

I have not tried st john's. I talked to the psych nurse and she said just stop taking zoloft altogether if its just giving me the shakes/sweats.

I dunno where else to put this so I'm just gonna post it here

SSRIs are notoriously slow-working and adherence to them is terrible partly for this reason (coupled with the side effects you mentioned). if you can bear the side effects at least until you see a doctor next maybe try to keep on it for at least then so he or she can re-evaluate, especially if the anxiety is a main concern. i asked about the starting dose because people with anxiety are erroneously started on the depression starting dose (50) all the time, which causes them to have some of the side effects you describe and discontinue taking them

well, that could help i guess xp

yeah I can't bear the side effects. It's been 12 days. psych nurse who wrote my prescription said to stop it so that's what I'm doing.

she seems more concerned about getting me on a sleep regimen that weans me off the ambien cuz I've been taking more of that than I should, it sounds like

I am gonna beat this fucking thing

sleep is the most important priority here imo. as somebody said upthread, trying not to think too hard about it is key - that's why I'm a big advocate of good old talk therapy for chronic afflictions. you'll get to a much better place for sure. but for the time being so much has to do with where you're able to put your focus, imo. but that's after sleep. sleep will solve a whole lot of problems.

I'm sleeping around 6 hrs a night, but it's all drug induced

psych just offered to sign me up for some general anxiety/discussion group

maybe it will help?

I hope so. I am well past the point where I will try absolutely anything.

aero otm about prioritizing and talk therapy. definitely go for the group sessions

I asked her to sign me up. I don't really know what to expect.

kaiser moves so slow and I'm like NOW NOW NOW

afternoons are the fucking worst

I know how hard it is and I'm really sorry. Have faith if you can; some of us have been to this chasm and come back better than ever, for real.

friend of mine found this show and said "ah, now I get what you're going through"

http://www.kcrw.com/media-player/mediaPlayer2.html?type=audio&id=uf121127silence

thx aero

yeah I am trying to be hopeful

I really hope you can find some peace with this man. I've been putting off going to an audiologist about my hearing: I'm supposed to have a punctured eadrum fixed but the surgery scares me and doesnt even guarantee full hearing recovery (and has a risk of worse tinnitus! no thanks), so I'm weighing up that v a hearing aid. Urgh.

no zoloft today. feel a little physically more together, still kind of shaky. my wife is of the definite opinion that it made me worse and that I look better so that's something.

trying to just cope and act normal, get into a routine

now I am the guy that calls the doctor every day to see if there's been any cancellations

I'm gonna get better goddammit

my dad and his partner are constantly emphasizing that I should get into some talk therapy asap (of course, the earliest appt I can get is still a week away). it's weird cuz I didn't feel like I really had any issues before this happened and now I'm like, was I in denial/is there something I was burying? I felt pretty good before this happened, felt like I was ready for a new baby etc. Relationship w/my wife is good, job is good, band was plugging along.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZrxT4-q5Hrw/UH1kIPawjqI/AAAAAAAAJeg/7f8TCiH2Wao/s1600/you-can-do-it.jpg

ha

anyone know any good vibraphone-heavy albums that do not have a fucking saxophone on them

― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, November 21, 2012 6:28 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Tim Buckley - Dream Letter Live. The timbre of his vocals might be in a covering range for you too?
Also, if Martin Denny was helping go directly to Les Baxter.
And I feel like the orchestral music of Messiaen is full of timbres that could be good concealers.

I really feel for you, man. Thinking of u often.

xxpost it might be that you were toodling along just fine before all this -- but the anxiety brought on by the tinnitus is something new that, unchecked, can feed into a lot of other aspects of your life. the talk therapy should be really helpful in coralling & managing the anxiety, even if you still have to deal with the tinnitus.

is my guess :)

given my recent bout with insomnia I opted to rewatch Into the Night last night since it was on demand.... it's pretty stupid, kinda a weird thing for Landis to do. too much coke probably? very underwritten. it's like the west coast version of After Hours only not as good/interesting. also features Bowie pre-getting-his-teeth fixed.

xp

thx for the suggestions Jon. yeah I have some Les Baxter, altho the recording quality is not good. I've found that classical music tends to have too much silence/too many pauses in it lol

VG otm - you're mentally vulnerable right now, everything is gonna feel 1000x harder to cope with.

Wish nothing but the best for you - it sounds like hell. I'm watching my sister deal with chronic illness, and seeing how tough life is for her right now... I just really feel for you, and your family (I'm sure it's hard on you're pregnant wife, setting you suffer).

she has been really strong through all this. we are getting some help from friends and family, who have helped with our daughter and bringing us food and stuff, for which I am eternally grateful. but my wife has a well of fortitude that is really just unbelievable.

that's good to have.

yeah she is the best. I am very lucky.

can someone post me some "hang in there" kitten gifs or something. this is the worst time of the day for me

can I listen to Gang Starr and take notes on a conference call at the same time? let's find out

http://www.bz1-img.com/images_customers/07/64/27664147_201997_full.jpg

now I am the guy that calls the doctor every day to see if there's been any cancellations

This isn't just Kaiser directed but by no means have any compunction about being the squeaky wheel looking for oil. The 'efficiency' of big institutions is indifferent to your specific case and being a pain-in-the-ass is often the only way to get adequate care.