I have not read that Charlie Louvin book yet thx for the reminder. reading is kinda hard for me these days unfortunately :(
there may come a time when I will enjoy a lil recreational weed+ativan but at the moment I don't think I can handle either. the weed makes me focus on the tinnitus too much, I'm just too much of an audio-centered guy. and I stopped the ativan cuz I was taking it regularly for like 10+ days and it's not good to get hooked on that shit. of course now I'm in a whole other cocktail stew of meds so wtf do I know
xp
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 03:11 (eleven years ago) link
how do you fare with audiobooks and the like?
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 03:13 (eleven years ago) link
hmmm never really tried em. honestly I have my ipod headphones on constantly now, altho the music that distracts me tends to vary from day to day. one day it was pretty much just the Jack Johnson box set. today it is Dolly Parton. some kinds of recordings/genres I just can't take at all anymore tho
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 03:16 (eleven years ago) link
maybe u could try an audio version of a book you want to read, if actual reading is problematic. dunno if the tinnitus would interfere with that still though...maybe you could try a podcast or two and see if it is easy to just listen to talking
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 03:19 (eleven years ago) link
u using in-ear headphones?
― Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 03:35 (eleven years ago) link
yes
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 16:28 (eleven years ago) link
i thought those weren't supposed to be good for hearing in general? i certainly find them uncomfortable and tinny.
― have a sandwich or ice cream sandwich (Jordan), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 16:37 (eleven years ago) link
somebody recommended Valerian tea to me for sleep, w/ the caveat that it smells like feet.
― saltwater incursion (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 16:44 (eleven years ago) link
my mum used to drink that for her insomnia, she said it helped.
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 16:46 (eleven years ago) link
i thought those weren't supposed to be good for hearing in general?
I talked to the Kaiser audiologist about this and he was unconcerned.
tried Valerian, that shit fucked me up worse.
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 16:49 (eleven years ago) link
I am kind of on to a regular sleep regimen but yeah meds are required... I am trying to take solace from the numerous anecdotal stories friends and acquaintances have told me that basically amount to "oh shit yeah I had that and then one day I just woke up and it was gone". A bunch of people have told me this - and it seems more consistent with my lack of physical symptoms, some weird thing that's triggered in the brain and then just rights itself. In the meantime I am really having a difficult time from day to day and even hour to hour but I sort of have to believe this is what's gonna happen... most stories I've heard from people indicate a duration of a couple to a few months. I'm kind of surprised at how common this is actually.
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 16:55 (eleven years ago) link
and this is not internet anecdotes I'm talking about btw. (my wife has told me to stop googling shit about this and I'm sure that's in my best interest)
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 16:56 (eleven years ago) link
wife otm
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 17:13 (eleven years ago) link
UCSF not calling me back/still don't have an appointment. doctors' schedules are so frustrating. throwing around the word "emergency" seems to be helpful with the psych dept... I'm gonna stop taking this zoloft, it's just not workin for me. feel like all I'm gettin is bad side effects.
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 18:36 (eleven years ago) link
u try st john's wort?
― Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 19:05 (eleven years ago) link
don't combine that one with ssris, iirc
― mh, Tuesday, 27 November 2012 19:06 (eleven years ago) link
I have not tried st john's. I talked to the psych nurse and she said just stop taking zoloft altogether if its just giving me the shakes/sweats.
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 19:07 (eleven years ago) link
I dunno where else to put this so I'm just gonna post it here
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 19:10 (eleven years ago) link
SSRIs are notoriously slow-working and adherence to them is terrible partly for this reason (coupled with the side effects you mentioned). if you can bear the side effects at least until you see a doctor next maybe try to keep on it for at least then so he or she can re-evaluate, especially if the anxiety is a main concern. i asked about the starting dose because people with anxiety are erroneously started on the depression starting dose (50) all the time, which causes them to have some of the side effects you describe and discontinue taking them
― liljon /bia/ bia (k3vin k.), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 19:12 (eleven years ago) link
well, that could help i guess xp
― Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 19:12 (eleven years ago) link
yeah I can't bear the side effects. It's been 12 days. psych nurse who wrote my prescription said to stop it so that's what I'm doing.
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 19:13 (eleven years ago) link
she seems more concerned about getting me on a sleep regimen that weans me off the ambien cuz I've been taking more of that than I should, it sounds like
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 19:14 (eleven years ago) link
I am gonna beat this fucking thing
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 20:23 (eleven years ago) link
sleep is the most important priority here imo. as somebody said upthread, trying not to think too hard about it is key - that's why I'm a big advocate of good old talk therapy for chronic afflictions. you'll get to a much better place for sure. but for the time being so much has to do with where you're able to put your focus, imo. but that's after sleep. sleep will solve a whole lot of problems.
― too many encores (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 20:46 (eleven years ago) link
I'm sleeping around 6 hrs a night, but it's all drug induced
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 21:09 (eleven years ago) link
psych just offered to sign me up for some general anxiety/discussion group
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 21:10 (eleven years ago) link
maybe it will help?
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 21:11 (eleven years ago) link
I hope so. I am well past the point where I will try absolutely anything.
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 21:11 (eleven years ago) link
aero otm about prioritizing and talk therapy. definitely go for the group sessions
― liljon /bia/ bia (k3vin k.), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 21:32 (eleven years ago) link
I asked her to sign me up. I don't really know what to expect.
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 21:40 (eleven years ago) link
kaiser moves so slow and I'm like NOW NOW NOW
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 21:41 (eleven years ago) link
afternoons are the fucking worst
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 22:49 (eleven years ago) link
I know how hard it is and I'm really sorry. Have faith if you can; some of us have been to this chasm and come back better than ever, for real.
― too many encores (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 23:34 (eleven years ago) link
friend of mine found this show and said "ah, now I get what you're going through"
http://www.kcrw.com/media-player/mediaPlayer2.html?type=audio&id=uf121127silence
thx aero
yeah I am trying to be hopeful
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 27 November 2012 23:48 (eleven years ago) link
I really hope you can find some peace with this man. I've been putting off going to an audiologist about my hearing: I'm supposed to have a punctured eadrum fixed but the surgery scares me and doesnt even guarantee full hearing recovery (and has a risk of worse tinnitus! no thanks), so I'm weighing up that v a hearing aid. Urgh.
― Una Stubbs' Tears (Trayce), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 03:36 (eleven years ago) link
no zoloft today. feel a little physically more together, still kind of shaky. my wife is of the definite opinion that it made me worse and that I look better so that's something.
trying to just cope and act normal, get into a routine
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 17:10 (eleven years ago) link
now I am the guy that calls the doctor every day to see if there's been any cancellations
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 19:23 (eleven years ago) link
I'm gonna get better goddammit
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 19:46 (eleven years ago) link
my dad and his partner are constantly emphasizing that I should get into some talk therapy asap (of course, the earliest appt I can get is still a week away). it's weird cuz I didn't feel like I really had any issues before this happened and now I'm like, was I in denial/is there something I was burying? I felt pretty good before this happened, felt like I was ready for a new baby etc. Relationship w/my wife is good, job is good, band was plugging along.
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 19:50 (eleven years ago) link
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZrxT4-q5Hrw/UH1kIPawjqI/AAAAAAAAJeg/7f8TCiH2Wao/s1600/you-can-do-it.jpg
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 19:51 (eleven years ago) link
ha
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 19:54 (eleven years ago) link
anyone know any good vibraphone-heavy albums that do not have a fucking saxophone on them
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, November 21, 2012 6:28 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
Tim Buckley - Dream Letter Live. The timbre of his vocals might be in a covering range for you too?Also, if Martin Denny was helping go directly to Les Baxter.And I feel like the orchestral music of Messiaen is full of timbres that could be good concealers.
I really feel for you, man. Thinking of u often.
― you only write about... pleassssure (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 19:59 (eleven years ago) link
xxpost it might be that you were toodling along just fine before all this -- but the anxiety brought on by the tinnitus is something new that, unchecked, can feed into a lot of other aspects of your life. the talk therapy should be really helpful in coralling & managing the anxiety, even if you still have to deal with the tinnitus.
is my guess :)
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 20:01 (eleven years ago) link
given my recent bout with insomnia I opted to rewatch Into the Night last night since it was on demand.... it's pretty stupid, kinda a weird thing for Landis to do. too much coke probably? very underwritten. it's like the west coast version of After Hours only not as good/interesting. also features Bowie pre-getting-his-teeth fixed.
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 20:02 (eleven years ago) link
thx for the suggestions Jon. yeah I have some Les Baxter, altho the recording quality is not good. I've found that classical music tends to have too much silence/too many pauses in it lol
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 20:04 (eleven years ago) link
VG otm - you're mentally vulnerable right now, everything is gonna feel 1000x harder to cope with.
Wish nothing but the best for you - it sounds like hell. I'm watching my sister deal with chronic illness, and seeing how tough life is for her right now... I just really feel for you, and your family (I'm sure it's hard on you're pregnant wife, setting you suffer).
― just1n3, Wednesday, 28 November 2012 20:27 (eleven years ago) link
she has been really strong through all this. we are getting some help from friends and family, who have helped with our daughter and bringing us food and stuff, for which I am eternally grateful. but my wife has a well of fortitude that is really just unbelievable.
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 20:30 (eleven years ago) link
that's good to have.
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 20:32 (eleven years ago) link
yeah she is the best. I am very lucky.
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 20:33 (eleven years ago) link
can someone post me some "hang in there" kitten gifs or something. this is the worst time of the day for me
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 22:59 (eleven years ago) link