Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

or possibly an idea joke

TIMIN!

"i'm afraid we're going to have to replace you with someone who is more efficient"

"Who dressed the gumball machine in a suit and put it on Todd's chair? And why is it empty?"

"Hey! Who turned out the lights? Hey! Who turned out the lights? Hey..."

"No one is getting sleepy, Jerry. Quit stalling and present the quarterly report."

"How many of us will it take to..."

"I'd like to welcome our new economic advisor..."

"I wish -- just once -- that for lunch you'd do something besides dim sum."

"Christ, what an asshole."

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. My head is in a giant glass globe."

"I know that's not a snow globe, Jim. You just need to do something about your dandruff."

"I have our future earnings report right here. Look deeply into my head."

"So would you say signs point to yes?"

These sales figures are gumbelievable!

"For Christ's sake, Bob, see a doctor and get that lanced."

"The suit passes muster, Taylor. It's the non-standard head that this board will not tolerate."

"Do nothing at all? You know, I like that, Brian."

"A vote of no confidence? You big fucking cum-bubble."

"We get it. This is about more than a new flavor of catfood. Goldfish have rights too."

"So how was your solo ballooning holiday, Cuthbert?"

"It's a big opportunity. You'll be the first Jehovah's Witness on the moon."

"Let me guess. The optician said it would give you insight?"

"I know it's American Global Domination day, Mike, but most guys just wear a lapel flag."

"You're cookin' up a real head of steam today."

"So, give us the pitch, Jack. Why is the future helium?"

"Every time he sneezes, General Electric catches a flu."

"That's wiped the smile off Mr Acid House here, hasn't it?"

"The Pillsbury company can never thank you enough, Doughboy."

"Let me get this straight. Iran is storing its poison gas right here in the Oval Office?"

"You don't have to explain, Kelly. I felt the same when I first read The Bell Jar."

"No, Tompkins, I have NOT heard of Moondog."

"Now, what can you tell us about the future of crystal, Ball?"

"Got a light?"

"Are you feeling lightheaded?"

"I can't help noticing you only have three pens in your pocket today, Mr Bharghantosaurilypsoposslethwanavadgerentyloscopybarndancebillowghramorgasmicblechingersolritual."

"For fuck's sake, Groper, not the Monty Python sketch again."

"The bowls are not what they seem."

"You won't inhale until we vote in favor of legalization?"

"No, Tompkins, I have NOT heard of Moondog."

― Grampsy, Wednesday, November 28, 2012 10:59 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this is killing me

"Daft Punk as a solo project? It'll never float."

"Hoo buoy."

"The Residents did it in 1974, Jenkins. And with a lot more balls."

"You've been down too long in the midnight sea, I fear"

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2012/12/10/p465/121210_contest_p465.jpg

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2012/12/10/p290/121210_contest_p290.jpg

"Well, everyone else was washing windscreens, so I just figured, 'what the hell'"

"Doctor Doctor, I feel like a cafe."
"I suggest you rest-aurant for a while."

"So far, so good. Now for the prostate check"

Okay, good. Now read the bill.