Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"Why do we have curtains and Venetian blinds?"

"Do you mind if my uncles sit in? Don't worry, they're imbeciles."

"Doctor, I'm suffering from nose-shaped-like-a-penis envy."

"Do you mind if my two previous analysts sit in? Don't worry, they're catatonic subhumans."

Man standing right behind woman: "Have you ever seen anyone carrying a sofa this way in real life? This is so unrealistic."

"While admittedly this might not be the ideal space to workshop my 'Straw Dogs' musical ..."

"That's your chair. And this is your chair on drugs."

"We're all staring in completely different directions. This picture would make one hell of a difficult 'spot the ball' competition."

"I've killed your arch-enemy, the evil dentist Dr Blok, and covered this sofa with his skin."

"Bernie Madoff sent me. He's sorry about the $45m, but believes his favorite sofa can go some way towards repaying you."

"Take this down, Stevens."

"Here's that sofa with the strine green stripe pattern you ordered. We're so glad you didn't pretend to be terminally ill at a whole load of support groups, meet some crazy woman, go off with your imaginary friend, and form a quasi-terrorist anti-capitalist organisation!"

"I'm sorry we're late, but they kept making Freudian slips."

"Look what we found in the trash - the return of the repressed!"

"Do you have two dollars for Deleuze and Guattari?"

"Fumes... everywhere.. like I can't breathe."

"I thought I was sick until I ran into these guys at Ikea. So I gave them your fee."

"Wow, I thought it was only McDonalds that gave free plastic gifts with a Happy Meal."

"I'm sorry, we overran on the porn shoot. Do you mind if Brad and Swinger do the money shot in your office?"

"There's a brand new dance, but I don't know its name."

"I've been cheating on you with a taxidermist."

"I know you said I should keep my feet firmly on the ground, but the chiropodist down the hall told me to put them up."

"Ceci n'est pas une pipe, AMIRITE?"

"In Soviet Russia, couch lies on YOU in therapy sessions!

lol

first one that made me lol

"These bastards wolf-whistled me from their truck. Give them the same painful vasectomy you gave George, please."

"Doctor, I'm being followed by a sophist."

"This is the actual spot where Lou Reed wrote Heroin."

"Is this your sedan, your oriental manservants? I'm afraid they were on a double yellow line."

"I finally found a judge's wig in your size!"

"I don't think I have Oedipal issues; mine are more Sophoclean."

"That one's for your ass, this one's for your ego. Your superego's tied up on the Hudson."

"Look! It's my favorite Neil Young song come to life!"

"What do you mean, this doesn't constitute proof that I've killed Fidel Castro?"

"Doctor, I've just discovered my chaise longue is a pouf!"

"It followed me here. I think it's a chase longue."

"Speaking to Louis XIV is like trying to have a conversation with a piece of furniture."

"And I tell you again that yesterday this was two pugs and a cat called Marmaduke!"

"But you asked me to bring up anything heavy I had in my subconscious!"

"I found these two perverts stuffing it in the lumber room."

Grampsy is goin' off

"I don't know the mens' names, but the sofa's called Sven."

Have a couch!

"Since he got the role in The Mousetrap he's become such a fucking divan."

"Are you an exorcist? Satan is in my Ottoman."

"They're transhumance nomads, they're used to it."

"It's for my daughter's dollhouse. You are a shrink, right?"

Nice!

OK, that one. (xpost, i.e. me too)