Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"Do you see those shit stains? That's what your precious Primal Shit therapy made my husband do."

"You shit."

"I am the beast I worship"

"I bought it in an online auction. It's that sofa that bloke from ILX said that his room-mate and some random hipster in a trucker hat were having sex on when he came home unexpectedly!"

"You've heard of G-Unit? Well this is the latest rap sensation - G Plan!"

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2012/11/26/p465/121126_contest_p465.jpg

He didn't come home, he *was* home.

xp what is this, Spot The Difference?

"Thanks, Daddy. And before you jump could you just please add the Park Avenue duplex."

"You're Jewish, aren't you, Dr Kippelstein? I've come to talk to you about the Mercy Seat, and conduct the sacred rituals of the Ark of the Covenant."

"You've mastered being an Armchair Critic, now it's time for you to try being a Couch Potato!"

"It's very bad news, I'm afraid. You might want to be sitting down for this. Twice."

"Your arse has become so big that you need half a sofa for each cheek."

"Yes, I'm well aware that Bruce Nauman did this in 1972. But this time it's ironic."

"My husband did what you said and died. But at least he's no longer sofa-ing."

"Is this While-U-Wait Upholsterers? I've brought my sofa in for it's ten thousand mile service."

"It's actually a praying mantis."

"Sorry about last time. I've re-upholstered the sofa and stuffed the men."

"Hello, is this Remote-Controls-Removed-From-The-Backs-Of-Sofas While-U-Wait? I've got an emergency here."

"Oh, it's not for us. It's for the pot plant, the desklamp, and the telephone."

"Apparently the cartoonist doesn't know how the fuck to draw doors either."

"These are my three husbands, Jeff, Sofa and Mike."

"Dungarees look really stupid, don't they."

"I figured with a larger armchair there'd be a bit more breathing space for your erection."

"We're going to kill that triffid in the corner of the room by dropping this sofa on it. While you wait."

"Why do we have curtains and Venetian blinds?"

"Do you mind if my uncles sit in? Don't worry, they're imbeciles."

"Doctor, I'm suffering from nose-shaped-like-a-penis envy."

"Do you mind if my two previous analysts sit in? Don't worry, they're catatonic subhumans."

Man standing right behind woman: "Have you ever seen anyone carrying a sofa this way in real life? This is so unrealistic."

"While admittedly this might not be the ideal space to workshop my 'Straw Dogs' musical ..."

"That's your chair. And this is your chair on drugs."

"We're all staring in completely different directions. This picture would make one hell of a difficult 'spot the ball' competition."

"I've killed your arch-enemy, the evil dentist Dr Blok, and covered this sofa with his skin."

"Bernie Madoff sent me. He's sorry about the $45m, but believes his favorite sofa can go some way towards repaying you."

"Take this down, Stevens."

"Here's that sofa with the strine green stripe pattern you ordered. We're so glad you didn't pretend to be terminally ill at a whole load of support groups, meet some crazy woman, go off with your imaginary friend, and form a quasi-terrorist anti-capitalist organisation!"

"I'm sorry we're late, but they kept making Freudian slips."

"Look what we found in the trash - the return of the repressed!"

"Do you have two dollars for Deleuze and Guattari?"

"Fumes... everywhere.. like I can't breathe."

"I thought I was sick until I ran into these guys at Ikea. So I gave them your fee."

"Wow, I thought it was only McDonalds that gave free plastic gifts with a Happy Meal."

"I'm sorry, we overran on the porn shoot. Do you mind if Brad and Swinger do the money shot in your office?"

"There's a brand new dance, but I don't know its name."

"I've been cheating on you with a taxidermist."

"I know you said I should keep my feet firmly on the ground, but the chiropodist down the hall told me to put them up."

"Ceci n'est pas une pipe, AMIRITE?"

"In Soviet Russia, couch lies on YOU in therapy sessions!

lol